This is exactly what it feels like when this cursed disease pops up for me each time.
I don't feel the same, I'm not the same person, my job feels foreign, and for the most part I have no real interest in seeing anyone outside of my fiance.
I am having a friend come over tomorrow night to teach me to knit (if I can even remember her teachings, my short term memory is awful right now). I just want some hobbies to take my mind away.
i finally forced myself to draw something two days ago. Didn't feel like it at all, but I was happy I did somethign creative since my spirit is very low.
I think one of the worst things about this is the feeling that your life gets robbed from you. I feel cheated.
Posted by julielynne4 (Member # 20336) on :
Elley, that is exactly how I feel about this disease. I feel that people who suffer with this disease are stolen from.
The crazy part too is how often people can have their lives as they knew it taken from them without even realizing it. For example those of us who have had this disease for so many years, been to a hundred doctors with no help or real explanation. Years and years knowing something is "wrong" and feeling horrible, not wanting to do anything, or wanting to but not being able to.
Finally we find out what it has been and it is a relief at first...and then, it's grief (at least, for me it was). I felt very cheated, just like you said.
I think it's great that you have a friend coming over. I never want to do anything much social either - I just want to be comfy in my house. Whenever I do end up doing something, I feel a glad that I did it.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. If you ever want to chat feel free to email/PM me. It is a very lonely disease at times.
But you are strong and you will persevere!!! Julie
Posted by elley0531 (Member # 9434) on :
Thanks for the response, Julie. It is just very hard. We have to go to the belated xmas party tomorrow night with my fiance's friends. I don't want to...but I will simply because my poor fiance barely does anything anymore but care for me and he deserves to go out for a couple hours. I can do it, I will just pop a couple klonopin and I'll be able to deal with socializing for three hours or so, but its just the fact that I don't WANT to and I am always the one who loves to go out and have a good time. It makes me feel like I have lost myself and once again have to rebuild who i am in a different light. Maybe i sound dramatic, its just saddening.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
Elley,
Sorry that you are feeling so bad.
Sometimes if you take that first step to do something to distract your mind and enjoy yourself, you will actually find that you DID enjoy yourself....and that is great.
I do give you credit for planning to go and try to have fun for your fiance at the belated Christmas party.
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)