Just found out two days ago my dad has stage 3 bone marrow cancer. WE are am extremely close family and my mother is going to bring in home on hospice.
I am going into my third year of treatment and thought I had this thing almost beat. Now, I don't know. I'm so sad all the time, don't want to eat-but I can't fall into that well again.
I just used up all the strength fighting this disease and now this awful news. I don't think I have any strength left.
My sister and I are going to stay three days a week with my mom to help out ( we also have 2 kids a piece). I just don't know how I am going to manage.
Any suggestions?
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
I am going to pray for you and your family.
If you are faithful, lean on your faith.
I am so sorry.
Pace yourself as much as you can.
Hospice will take care of a lot.
Try to make the most of what time you have left with your Dad.
Come here as often as needed for hugs, prayers and support.
Geneal
Posted by MDW005 (Member # 22706) on :
So sorry th hear your pain; like Geneal says, "lean on your faith" I will pray for you and family.
Posted by dmc (Member # 5102) on :
Your dad & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
Posted by keltyl (Member # 14050) on :
You neeed to find a way to deal with your stress, even if you seek help. I've had times in my life with severe stress that made me sicker than everything put together.
Prayers to you and your family.
Posted by kellephant (Member # 24885) on :
i feel SO bad for you i will keep you and your family in my prayers!
Posted by carly (Member # 14810) on :
Hospice will take care of a lot of it. Your main purpose is to be there and be support for your mom, while you and your sister work in shifts to help make sure your dad's needs are taken care of.
It's emotional. It's stressful. It's awful right now. But, as the others have said, your faith (however it's expressed) will help you now.
Also important is to remeber that you need an outlet for your stress (daily walks? "time outs"? meditation for a few minutes at a time?).
Having your children there (while I know kids can be stressful)during certain times can be very helpful to both you and your mom.
One thing that's encouraging is that you say you're a close family. And you and your family are in my prayers, too. Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
hospice was a godsend for us when mom died.
they will take care of a lot of things, but unfortunately, your family must handle any funeral arrangements.
just be sure you eat right, get plenty of rest, and if you have to, go to the doc and get anti-depressant meds if you need them.
there is nothing wrong with asking for help in this difficult time.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
I'm so sorry. Death of a parent is devestating, I lost my mom 13 years ago and it takes a toll on you. Lean on the rest of your family, you need them and they need you. I lived in the serenity prayer for years, I have to remind myself of that now. It does work when you say it a few times a day. God is there, even when you don't feel it.
Posted by sometimesdilly (Member # 9982) on :
My heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a parent, especially to a disease like cancer, is terribly sad and stressful.
You asked for suggestions here and have already received lots of good thoughts and supportive prayers.
I'll just add this- I lost my father to brain cancer several years ago-- he died just six months after his initial diagnosis.
For me, the most difficult part of the process was letting go of the hope/wish/prayer/deep desire to DO SOMETHING. It's terrible to watch someone you love suffer and not be able to change that reality, but you CAN lift his heart.
The last thing my father said to me before he died was how much it meant to him to know that I loved him and wanted to be there for him. It sounds like your father might feel the same way.
Take the time to take care of yourself along the way--- I'm sure your father wants you to do just that.
And, if other family members are healthy and able to be there for him too, don't beat yourself up for taking breaks that you likely will need because of YOUR health.
Hugs to you and yours.
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
lyme987, I am so sorry your Dad has cancer. I am sorry for all that you and your family are facing now. I'm not sure how your Dad is feeling and what he can do physically, but I'll share some things about my Mom...perhaps something will be of help.
My mom lived with us the last one year of her life. The doctors gave her only two weeks to live, but God in His love and mercy extended her life. She died in 1980 (I had not heard of Hospice back then, they sound wonderful).
I still can't believe it was that long ago. I was a young wife and mother with two small boys.
It was a blessing to have my Mom living with us. I can't imagine her being any where else, although she was in and out of hospital. I had a dear great aunt who would take the boys so I could be with my Mom when she was in the hospital and my husband was working.
We did not know how many days she had left. Actually, none of us know the length of our days really.
Anyway, we made the most of each day LIVING even though she was dying.
When Mom had a good day, we would go out and do something together. We would play and laugh. Simple things:
* To the park with the boys * Pick around antique and second hand stores * Go out for ice cream * Go to the pond and feed the ducks * We even went to the state fair and Mom used a wheelchair
At home we talked, we cried, we read the Bible together, we prayed together, played with the boys, and other everyday things.
As much as possible we tried to live as "normal" as possible under the circumstances.
As for stress, I found it helped me to live in the here and now and not let my mind wander to tomorrow, or the next day, and all the "what ifs"...that is very stressful and very tiring. I'm not saying it's easy but it helped me to be conscious of that. Also, I realized when I slipped into "what about tomorrow, etc. mode", the clock was ticking away and precious time I could be spending with my Mom was being lost.
There were lots of hugs, lots of I love yous.
I asked Mom if there was any places she wanted to go, do, visit...and we did them. Example: she wanted to visit the school she graduated from...so we did.
I can only say all that was even possible because of God's grace. When everything within me wanted to go to bed, pull the covers over my head, and wake up the next day saying, "Whew, what a relief, it was just a bad dream."
Cherish the time you have now. I know it is hard to believe now, but it can actually be a very precious time with some good memories when you look back.
Yes, take care of you. What the others shared is good. Be sure to get your rest. Take nice relaxing baths. Cry. Grieve, that is normal.
Just continue being the close family you are.
The Lord has said He is close to the brokenhearted. May you sense Him with you, closer than ever before.
Again, I am so, so sorry. You and your family are in my prayers.
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i will keep you and your family in my prayers!