I feel guilt to my husband,he can't have a normal wife and family due to this illness.
I can't do anything when I feel really sick sometimes,I feel sorry for him,Im thinking he must admires all his friends who has a normal life and family.
And now I will be a mom soon make me feel more worry that I can't be a good mom..
I need to get my oldself back and function..
Posted by Hambone (Member # 29535) on :
I truly understand how you feel.
I feel sad that my husband is stuck with me. he deserves someone better who can do things with him.
I have been 95% homebound for 5 years. Just too sick to try to go out and do things. Can't stand long, too weak.
95% of my friends AND family have ditched me. They are too busy with their own lives to bother with me. Most of them live within 5 to 15 minutes of me, yet they haven't spoken to me in years. They all know how sick I am, but they don't seem to give a hoot.
I also feel so bad that my daughter (she's 19 now, was 13 when I started crashing ) doesn't have a normal, fun-loving mother like she used to have. She's pretty much had to grow up way too fast and has learned to not depend on me.
This disease is brutal in so many ways.
I grieve for my old self every single day. I miss the old me so badly.
Posted by feelbetter (Member # 21957) on :
Hambone: Does your husband ever told you his feeling? my husband told me that he feels back home is more stressful for him than go to work.
Im very sad to hear that,but I understand how he feels,I will feel the same way if he is sick and bedridden.
Posted by Hambone (Member # 29535) on :
No, he never vents his frustration. He pats me on the head like a puppy, and then goes off and does his own thing.
I think my husband knows it could very easily have been him and not me, so that's why he's so tolerant. He's had tick bites before, but never had anything happen.
But I know he'd like someone to go out to eat with or things like that. How can you not want that?
One of my fears is, I will die, and he will remarry a fun person who reminds him what he's been missing out on and realize how much I drug him down.
I used to be so fun, but this beast and too much time passing has stolen the memories of that time. My daughter told me she doesn't remember me not being sick. That hurt. Before I got sick we were always doing fun things, but now I will be remembered as a fuddy duddy.
Posted by lymegal23 (Member # 28573) on :
Hambone. dont get depressed. I know its hard. but you FINALLY know whats wrong with you. and youve only been in treatment a few months. Things will get better. theres so many people who have had it for SO LONG that end up getting so much better. and you will too
hang in there bcuz you have many more great memories to share with your family in the future Posted by lymegal23 (Member # 28573) on :
if you dont mind me asking hambone what did all the doctors tell you that you had all those years? Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?
Posted by Hambone (Member # 29535) on :
Lymegal23...
depression anxiety chronic fatigue mono ( only an IgG was done and I had mono when I was 17, so this didn't fly with me )
I kept insisting there was something physically wrong, that I could feel it. It always fell on deaf ears.
At one point I was given a benzo and even though I took less than what was prescribed, I was dependent on it and it was making me even sicker. I was then called an addict ( I am pill phobic and FAR FAR from an addict. I've never smoked or done drugs in my life and I don't even drink ).
feelbetter......You'll be a great mom because you will have deeper empathy and compassion for your child than moms who've never felt what we have. I sure hope you feel better soon.
Posted by penguingirl (Member # 28688) on :
Onbam - me too - my boyfriend and I no longer are intimate - not even kissing on lips.
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