Sorry to come in and ask for prayers, but I am so nervous, and I feel like I really need them.
The past couple weeks I've been more sick than usual. There is this holiday party for my husband's work today that I have to go to. (please, let's not debate the "have to" part....I'm going). I have skipped other things, and if I don't go, it will look really bad for him, because we have committed.
Anyways, I just need prayers. There will be a lot of career-oriented women there, and I am worried about what to say to them about what I do all day (I won't come back and check this before party), worried about being judged.
Also, I look terrible, bad dark circles around my eyes. I have noticed people sometimes shy away from me when they are bad. I am just scared how I'll be perceived. I don't know if people think I'm a drug addict or what.
Anyways, I just need prayers....that this goes well, that people like me, and that they are impressed by me (as opposed to disappointed). My husband is new and his job isn't guaranteed, so I feel a lot of pressure.
I am just nervous about even being well enough to get ready. I just need some strength today.
Thanks!!!!
Posted by sometimesdilly (Member # 9982) on :
hoose- of course i'll pray for you- and be thinking of you and hoping for the best....
love, dill
Posted by Hoosiers51 (Member # 15759) on :
Thanks, Dilly.
I should be in the shower right now, but I am putting it off.
I have been a ball of emotions lately. I feel like my husband has a knack for saying the wrong thing to me at the wrong time. I think (hope) his intentions are good.....I think it's just that he has an "open mouth, insert foot" problem.
He'll say things like, "those important people are going to eat you alive when you tell them you stay home all day."
Like WHY would you say that to me? OMG that just makes me sooooo nervous. I am basically crying because I'm so nervous to go. I don't think he meant for that comment to backfire like that, because I think he has some kind of issue where he doesn't understand how people peceive things (almost like autism). I don't know if it's that, or he's just more socially dumb than most. I just can't get him to say the right things to me, even when I try coaching him.
Sometimes I just want to kill him! I am trying not to let those things bother me. But how could you not?
I just need to talk to a rational person sometimes. I told him I can't do things for him if he psyches me out beforehand. DUH. He is trying to apologize, but it doesn't go very far with me. I feel like a better apology would be just being supportive from the beginning.
Sorry to vent. Just really upset, been having a hard time coping with all this holiday stress, having things to do, combined with the usual Lyme horribleness.
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
It isn't a job that defines you as a person...it is what is in your heart and that is the truth.
Posted by Hoosiers51 (Member # 15759) on :
I agree with that. I just wish I had a little more emotional support around here.
Posted by Hoosiers51 (Member # 15759) on :
Not here as in lymenet...i mean physically here. My neighbor is always judging me too, she asks me tons of questions while squinting at me in a judgemental way. I hate it.
I can't figure out if my husband is trying to apply judgement from others towards me, like HE is influenced by others, or if he just says the wrong things.
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
Sometimes people don't realize they are being hurtful...they really don't. I am sure your husband loves you and you said yourself he has a case of "open mouth insert foot". You know that about him, so roll with it the best you can.
You can only get freaked out IF you let it get to you and believe it or not, you can NOT let it control you...you do have that power and choice and that is the truth.
I will pray right now for you.
Posted by momlyme (Member # 27775) on :
Hoosier- have a good time. Even if you are having a difficult time... force a smile. Make your cheeks hurt... think of the happiest time in your life and just smile, smile, smile.
It will be over before you know it.
Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
Oh Hoosie -
How could ANYONE not like you?!!
If anyone gives you flack, even a sideways glance or raised eyebrow, I am flying down there with my Boxers and we will kick some serious holiday ***!!
Of course, with the Boxers, that involves licking people to death. But, whatever works.
Good luck tonight.
Let's chat this weekend.
BoxerMom
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- This will work for just about anyone dealing with health issues and not working in regular job. When asked what I do - I reply:
"sort of working on some personal research in the area of health and nutrition"
if asked more, maybe I will say "still learning a lot of the foundation information"
Depending upon the person, I may add that I "have some health matters and it's like going back to school, trying to learn science basics and the nutrition that I forgot to even consider in my youth . . . " with an Oy, Vey kind of inflection.
If another question comes along: "oh, I really don't like to think about that stuff right now" and the ask them open ended questions that keep THEM talking. But people want to talk about OTHER things, too, not their jobs.
Ask: "So what has your interest piqued today?" or "what are you looking forward to this (week, month, next year)?
There's always the: "read any good books lately?" - movies, music, food, do they like to sing or play an instrument? LOTS to talk about.
Enjoy others and you will do fine.
Sadly, most people are just too self-conscious going to a party and going through life. People generally want to talk about IDEAS and ADVENTURES - or the ARTS or CRAFTS or HOBBIES . . . move to those and you'll have a memorable conversation that can spark imagination and share appreciation of something good.
It matters not what you do, It matters how interested you are to others and life itself. That will come across even if not feeling well. Just be low key. Fireworks are not required.
Now, if you are not feeling well enough to talk, just say so. That's acceptable. Also, be sure to sit down as say so if you need to do so. Move to a quieter part of the party if you need to, or even just want to.
It's fine to say the environment is a bit too busy if it is or just that you need to tone down your energy output a bit. Others probably can relate. -
[ 12-18-2010, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
Hope you are having a wonderful time. I just think of it as free food! Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
I am anxious to hear how wonderfully the party went!!
I know my husband is more worried about what others think than I am. Maybe it's a man thing.
Try not to take it personally.. but DO continue to tell him what you NEED from him.
Sure hope everything went well!! Posted by AlanaSuzanne (Member # 25882) on :
What I've found is that the vast majority of people prefer to talk about themselves, their interests, their jobs, their families, their travels, etc. etc. as opposed to learning about you.
Believe me, most are far more interested in themselves and are more than willing to talk talk talk instead of listen.
Remember, most people at these functions are trying to impress. You can easily impress just by asking questions and listening and being yourself. You can be the needed breath of fresh air amidst all the "I did this" and "My accomplishments this year were.."
If someone asks what you do for a living, you can deflect by saying you're between jobs/you've had a health setback and aren't working right now/your job is so boring you'd like to hear about his/hers.
I've had to do the circuit and mingle with top execs at various events.
It helps to not care what anyone else thinks of me. I have always been that way. The most important thing to me has always been what I think of myself and to have confidence in that I know what I know, I am who I am and I try to be the best person I can be.
This came to me naturally as well as through nurturing and has been such a big gift in my life, but I do think that people can learn to be this way.
I'm also a jabbermouth and am genuinely interested in other people (but sometimes believe me I couldn't care less with everything going on in my own life).
When I've been to these types of functions, this is an example of my dialogue -- "Hi, my name is Alana. I can't believe this awful weather we're having. Did it take you long to get here? What route did you take? There was a huge accident on Hwy 99 so we got here via Hwy 41. What town do you live in? How do you like it? Are there any good restaurants there? So what is your position in the company? What do you find most challenging about your job? Are you married? Do you have children? <any parent will talk for hours about their children> What grades are they in? What colleges are your son applying to? Is he into sports? Any chance of a scholarship? What activities do your kids like? What are your favorite vacation spots? Oh skiing, yes, there's nothing like Boulder Creek. It's so beautiful. We went a few times and enjoyed it immensely. Have you been to the Caribbean? Our favorite island is Aruba-have you been?
As you can see a dialogue like this can go on for hours and it can be all about the other person.
Many years ago I attended a function and happened to be seated next to some golf legend (have no idea to this day what his name is).
Anyway, I jabbermouthed (my new favorite verb) him for hours during the dinner, having absolutely no idea of his fame as golf wasn't a part of our conversation or within my realm of knowledge or interest.
I later learned that a young golf-enthusiast sat across the table from us salivating because I was talking to his idol.
The golf guy must have found it refreshing to be at an event where the conversation was not about golf, but about things that he likely didn't get to discuss at events like this.
Try to remember that the rest of the attendees are just as self-conscious as you are and likely more-so.
I hope it went well for you tonight.
Posted by phyl6648 (Member # 28522) on :
Prayers, let us know how things turned out..
Posted by 17hens (Member # 23747) on :
Hoosiers,
I know just how you feel! Tell me that I have to go to a party with a bunch of working people that I've never met, and I'll likely vomit hourly until I'm get there.
I remember one time, my husband was new to his job and his new boss (the president of the company) was hosting an outside party at his home.
We pulled up and there were people everywhere. Big white tents outside his house, a baby grand piano w/ singer on the lawn as entertainment, silver trayed servers. Everyone in their dressiest fashions.
My husband was nervous but as an extravert, could hide it pretty well and socialize.
I had one opportunity to impress his boss and you know what I said? The boss walked up to me and said, "Are you enjoying yourself?" I answered, "Oh, yes! The party is fabulous. What will you do with all the leftovers?" He just looked at me and walked away!
Maybe I have the same social problem as your hubby?
I wasn't here in time to pray for you, but I hope things went well and you recover quickly. Please let us know how your evening went.
Posted by seaweed brain (Member # 29547) on :
I hope everything went okay! That is a tough position to be put in. I don't like the "what do you do?" question either.
Well, hopefully you enjoyed the food and got through any tough questions.
[ 12-20-2010, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: seaweed brain ]
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
just remember to be yourself.
one funny thing happened to me and i learned real quick.
we (my first husband) went to this officer's club function (a had to) and we were talking about the assignment.
now we were in germany and we both wanted england. so when the subject came up i said "gee, i'd like to meet the jerk that changed our assignment".
OMG!!!!! IT WAS THE COLONEL STANDING THERE AND HE SAID I'M THE JERK, I GUESS YOU DIDN'T WANT TO COME HERE.
so word of advice from one who knows. keep personal opinions to yourself. talk about the weather, anything but don't offer any comments.
and if they are rude enough to keep asking about your employment situations, just say "i've got several things going right now and haven't made any decisions."
well it's the truth, ain't it? you've got lyme going, home situation going, and if you're like me, no decisions.....
so it puts them off but gives them little ammunition!!
and sounds like your husband and mine are related!!
Posted by sixgoofykids (Member # 11141) on :
I've been a stay at home mom for over 20 years. I find more people today are open to people having alternatives to a 9-5 job than they used to be. No one cares anymore that I don't work.
When they ask what I do, I'll tell them I take care of my family, cook everything from scratch, teach pilates part-time, and moderate a message board. It doesn't sound like nothing, and quite frankly, people don't listen anyway.
Posted by merrygirl (Member # 12041) on :
Hoos, hope everyhing went well. I can't imagine someoe not liking you! I think all husbands do what yours does
Hang in there
Posted by sk8ter (Member # 8671) on :
You will do great...be proud of yourself for surviving what you have been through! You are a survivor and much stronger than they will ever be!! Put a smile on your face and chin up girl !!!
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
You are going to be fine. Alana was right. Just get them to talk about themselves and you're off the hook.
If they turn the conversation toward you and what you are doing, you can answer briefly, then turn the conversation back to them, and they'll probably stay there. Most folks can't resist the urge to talk about themselves. Children and grandchildren are a good topic. They'll prattle on for hours about that.
When all else fails find the restroom and take a break.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Can't wait to hear from Hoos!!
The wife of my husband's "boss" .. (sort of) has asked me twice over the years what I do. I have no clue what I've said. Sometimes I mention that I make jewelry.
I look so darn healthy that I get that question a lot. My husband has two part time jobs and it looks to others like I sit around on my duff. Sigh.
(and they don't think I'm old enough to be retired)
Posted by piper (Member # 25946) on :
so what happened???
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
I've had a different experience happen at social events. When I thought it was just me who had an altered life because of Lyme,
I told someone what I had, and then they started telling me about others they knew with it, and then more people joined in, and I didn't feel so alone about it anymore!
Another variation on saying something about having Lyme: the other person could have something else, like cancer or some serious condition,
and they've been feeling lonely about it. Then I will end up listening to them too. So you never know what can happen if you tell people what's going on.
Posted by jmb (Member # 18338) on :
Hoosiers I know how you feel. I have always been a social type, and one who can talk to anyone on anything. I have loved to speak to groups also. But in the last 6 months or so I just cannot read books and often struggle to articulate what I think. I pick the Kid up from school on the drive home from work, and make a wrong turn. I have lost confidence, and have withdrawn.
Most folks do not notice. except me. (And it is hard for my wife too which is another tale all together.)) I am sure you did well (unless you puked on someone, which I almost did when all hell broke loose.)
I do not want to tell you that I think you are nuts, but you could consider seeing a therapist. I am not looking for a "glad to just be alive" perspective. Perhaps I should, but I think there are a lot of confounding variables, and I think I struggle now more than ever to consider them all. So I subbed out some of the work.
Now if I could just find someone to do the work here at the office...
Sorry to ramble. Just know I feel for you.
Posted by Starfall (Member # 26795) on :
I know what you mean about people looking askance at you for staying home and "doing nothing" while your husband works.
There are people who I know give me the look because I now have a Masters degree and am a stay at home mom who is "only" teaching a class of homeschoolers once a week instead of being out making money.
Soem days I wish things were different too, but this was a decision that was made before we even got married, that I would be at home wiith the kids.
THings really got rough when my husband was out of work--unfortunately that happened right before I was diagnosed, so I was pretty sick at the time and couldn't have worked a FT job anyway.
Anywho, I hope it all went well for you. Those job-related parties are just the poops. Hubby has a new job now, and he refused to go to his party because 1. no family invited (what kinda place is this?) and 2. it was either at a bar or Hooters, and my husband's values are extremely strict. I can imagine what the company thinks of him. Oh well.
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