Would appreciate any advice on how to pull a teenager into line. Our son will not do anything, assume resposibility without being told.
Homework, chores etc. He just won't. We've tried taking away priviledges etc, but nothing seems to work. He has always been strong-willed. His lyme is in remission. I had always thought that was part of his problem. Not much has changed.
Boot camp maybe? Any advice?
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
I would talk to your LLMD, you may think his lyme is in remission but, may be related.
Give us some more info to work with, maybe someone here can help.
It's not fun when they turn into (teenagers)!!!
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Take away his phone? his computer? his TV???
Posted by luckylymie (Member # 30162) on :
Take away everything he values for as long as it takes. For my kids, I take away social activities, computer, tv, and phone privileges until their homework/chores are done. They will test your resolve. Stand firm. If still not done in a week, fake a call to the cable company to disconnect your service. That usually works like a charm Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
We've tried most of the above. Haven't tried the disconnecting idea. He can take or leave his phone and the computer, doesn't use it much.
Loves his guitar. We've taken it so many times, but as you said, he does test our resolve. He straightens up for a while then back to square one. It's like he just doesn't care.
Steve, we've been through the process and have detoxed, chelated, etc. Maybe he does have some residual damage. His lyme was neuro. But it is definately something to think about.
Thanks for the ideas.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
quote:Originally posted by luckylymie: [QB] Take away everything he values for as long as it takes.
Posted by Brandimc (Member # 22017) on :
Maybe try a reward chart instead of a punishment chart. I know charts are kind of childish...but I used to be a therapist and picked up some stuff from the child therapist I worked with when he had teenagers. It's called a contract. The teenager helps you make it. Think of things that he loves. guitar...amps....lessons...money...anything. Have him help you make the chart. If he does X,Y, and Z for one week, he gets ____ on the weekend. If he gets 4 weeks in a row of doing right, then he gets _____ at the end of the month. (A bigger prize). Don't make yourself go broke though...keep it reasonable. You can also add punishment also to the contract if you wanted. Then you can ask him what does he think punishment should be if he doesn't do X,Y, and Z. He signs the contract and you try it out for a month.
Use language like, "If you choose to not do X, Y, and Z by friday, then you choose to loose _____"
My opinion is he might benefit from a good therapist, but they are hard to come by. Maybe the therapist can help him determine why he lacks motivation to do the right thing.
Good luck.
Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
Something is going on in that head of his. You just have to figure out what it is.
Maybe going to talk with a therapist? Teenagers have so many conflicting thoughts going on in their heads.
If they think that we won't or can't understand them, they will clam up and then act out.
We go through these weird phases at my house too. We are actually going through one now.
Just the offer of letting her go talk to someone seems to make her open up and tell me what's bothering her.
After telling me and me giving advice, comfort, or whatever the situation warrants, the behavior problems usually clear up.
This has just been my experience. Hope this helps.
Posted by AlanaSuzanne (Member # 25882) on :
Brandi I like your suggestion about the chart. I wouldn't have thought of that. And I agree a therapist is a good idea.
And kidsgotlyme I agree with you as well.
My initial thought when I read the post was for you (Linky) to have a heart-to-heart with your son.
Ask him what is going in school, with his friends, with his teachers, with his activities.
I have found that once I open the door to this type of communication I gain a lot of insight.
The best times I've found to get info/talk are during car rides and right before bed. Girls are much easier to do this with so it will be a challenge for you.
I'd also ask him if he's having any symptoms (headaches, pains, etc.) Is he having trouble concentrating in school? Is anyone making fun of him?
I am all for taking away priveleges and phones, computers, etc. and I've done that. But when kids have a history of sickness there needs to be another layer of communication.
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
Thanks for all the advice. We'll take it all into consideration. It's tough with these kids, as you know. He has clammed up these past few months, so talking doesn't come easy.
One thing he says is he feels he can't do anything right. We try to praise him when he does well, and give rewards. But if he screws up we have to call him on it.
He's really ticked off about all the lyme tx, detox, chelation etc. We had to do it. But he thinks it's all supposed to come easy. As we all know, he's blessed to be in remission. He has no idea how bad it can be.
All he has to do is take one look at me and see the potential. My lyme is gone but I still have a huge mess to clean up behind it.
He lets a lot of things go, so it's not like we can just look the other way. Believe me, I try to pick my battles and let the little stuff go, but he still gives us a really hard time.
Maybe we will give the contract thing a try. We tried that once, but it didn't go over well, maybe another try. Thanks everyone.
Posted by AlanaSuzanne (Member # 25882) on :
Well who can blame him for being "ticked off"
He is a young man who sees his peers living their lives without all this BS.
Don't blame him for thinking it should come easy or not realizing how bad it could be. He doesn't have that frame of reference.
He is blinded to what you have been through. You are *just* his mother and from his point of view, you do not represent his reality.
He probably thinks you are clueless about his situation eventhough you have done everything for him and know far and above what he can comprehend about TBD.
I think it would be a really good idea for him to talk to a LL therapist. That would take you out of the mix as being the bad guy and give him a venue to vent which is so very important for sick kids.
It might be a good idea for your family as a whole to see a LL therapist as well.
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