This is topic I just want to raise my hand and say "I am done now" in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.


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Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
 
It's kinda funny in a sad way.

I just want to raise my hand, as if I was in school or something, and say "Okay, I am done now."

This is so hard. Every day is just so hard to endure. I just feel like I can't do this any more at all. I could if I didn't have to work over 40 hours per week.

Some part of me just hopes that I will just die already, you know, not that I want to commit suicide, but just that I feel really done with all of this.

It is just too hard.

I have done professional athletic training, given birth, been abused many times, and nothing is compared to this torture of these diseases and co-infections.

I wish I could get addmitted to a hospital and have nurses and doctors care about me and care for me.

None of my friends or family will help me.

Does anyone want to move in to my house for free and help me and my family?

I need someone who can cook, clean and do my at home job for me, which isn't that hard.

I wish I could be better already. This is taking too long! I have been getting treatment for over a year, and I feel so tortured.

I want to do so many things. I want to start a couple of businesses and do my hobbies and to be able to go for a walk.

Instead , I lay in bed curled up into a ball until I absolutely have to shower, work, and do house work.

I beg my husband to take time off work, but he just can't.

He is sick too, and is barely functioning. My daughter is very sick too, and i am trying to take care of her.
 

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Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
 
missing, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time.

The only thing that helps me go on sometimes is thinking of how many people are sicker than me.

Some can't work, some can't walk, some have been sick for 20,30,40 years etc. I'm kind of in your shoes, I do work but, that's about it.

I'm sorry your husband and daughter are also suffering, that makes it so much harder.

I have no ambition to do anything myself, most of the time.

I can tell you one thing. You should try your hardest to get some exercise, it really does help.

Saunas, hot baths with epson salt etc. are also good.

Hang in there, I hope you have a good weekend

we are all here for you anytime you need us
 

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Posted by fflutterby (Member # 28081) on :
 
Praying for you missing. I wish you were near me, I would help. I only work 30 hours a week and am exhausted too, not sure how much help I would be. Maybe a hug would help. And a prayer for you and your family.


 

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Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
 
If I moved into your house, I would probably just lie on your couch and take up space.

But we could commiserate.

I, too, am "so over this."


 

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Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
 
I am having one of those days too. I am done too.

But, my arm is too weak to raise it and it came out funny when I said I em dun

Like steve said...it does help to know that things could be worse and things go be better

This is where we are now Making the best with what we have


 

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Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
 
I am so very sorry Missing. My heart is breaking for you.

My daughter would not be able to cope if I didn't have her on a TON of supplements. They truly do help her with fatigue, pain, anxiety, depression, etc. etc.

If you don't mind my asking, are you on any supplements or herbs?


 

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Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
 
Everytime I take supplements and all that stuff, the pain gets so bad, that I collapse on the floor and start screaming and crying,

then my body seizes up and refuses to move,

even eating dose this,

So I usually don't eat until the end of the day, and until after work.

I was training as a athelete for 30 hours per week, before I went into my training sessions I would just be bawling from all the pain of just existing,

but I kept on training,

Then I kept on falling, losing my memory, losing my balance, I kept smelling the smell of garbage, my vision went blurry, my ears felt like someone had stuck hot fire pokers in them.

etc. etc, I had a whole list of symptoms, I kept on with the training,

I could do the over-splits, and splits up the wall, I could do one-armed military pushups and my gym wanted me to teach classes and yoga!

So please, don't tell me that I need excercise and a good diet! I am so sick that I feel like I am dying.

I am not really fatigued, just very sleepy, probably from all the neurontin that I take to try to get rid of the pain that feels like broken glass slashing my skin to bits!!!

I feel like a elephant is sitting on my chest and crushing it.

This is worse than you all realize.

I feel like a gang of theives have bashed me with baseball bats, then drove over me with a truck a few times, then asked to run a marathon for three years straight, then kicked and beat a few more times just for good measure.

CHild birth is a walk in the park compared to this, and so are car accidents, I have been in three! I have also sprained my ankle, burned my self at a campfire, and broken my arm, and if that had all happened in the same day, I still wouldn't feel as bad as I do right now.

Oh it would be fun to have a Lyme disease slumber party,,,,we could all lay around in our p.j.'s and laugh and giggle, and then I would arrange for a healthy person to be available at our beck and call to help get us food, or whatever we need for the whole night.

Sounds like fun,,,,I can imagine it. We should do it one day! and then also pay for a couple of famous faith healers to be there to pray for all of us to be healed, and then we would be healed,,,

and I would be prepared for the healing by making sure I had lots of ice cream and pizza close by for us to pig out on during our cele bration party!!!yeehaaa!

Are you there? Can you see it? Oh what fun!
 

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Posted by stngray114 (Member # 30295) on :
 
Slumber party sounds good to me!!!

I did go see a faith healer last month. I went for accupuncture, but he apparently prays while he works on you.

He has special faith healing services at various churches. I did read a testimonial that a woman suffering from Lyme was healed.

He doesn't proclaim to be the one that heals you; he says that God heals you and that he just brings you closer to God.

I am feeling like you; just tired of not having a life. Well actually, I guess that I do have a life, a life of suffering every day.

The Lyme has an outpost in y head; it is causing havic with my ears, my right eye, tinitus that is out of this world.

My knees bother me from time to time; it just depends on the time of day I guess.

I try to take a nap and I jerk like crazy!!

Yes, Lyme is such a fun ride. I have only been suffering for 5-6 months, but have already had enough.

Getting misdiagnosed with Meniers Disease and taking steriods sure didn't help me.

You are all included in my prayers; which is numerous times a day.
 

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Posted by deerose (Member # 27484) on :
 
i want pizza!

healing prayers brought me out of the worst of the worst and I want to die place.

Not suicide as you say...just wanted to die. envious of recent deaths. So very bad place.

You have a slice of life to imagine that slumber party!


I can't say I had active support for help although I did have some invaluable finacial helps

but at least I did not have opposition and disbelief. well except from longtime doc...

I am praying for you missing to come up from the bottom of the pit of this nightmare in the very darkest night.

I could notimagine past dragging through moment by moment and work and collapsed the rest fo the time...
I had to work or be homeless but at least I could somehow...not well but I could.

but now I am very much better about 11 months
later. Just a hope piece by saying that...
 

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Posted by MADDOG (Member # 18) on :
 
Ha, tell you a story about faith healers.

I went to the Benny Hin convention at Cincinnati Ohio.

Plus the lyme, my back had been really bad.

I got all determined to get healed and climbed over the wall and went to the front with a big group of people.

I was standing right beside the wall that separated the normal crowd from really sick people.

The wall was about shoulder height.

Benny swept his hand at the crowd they all started falling like dominows closer and closer the falling people came to me.

I was hanging on to the wall with one arm hooked arround it when they all fell on me.

It twisted my back something terrible, I said only I could get hurt worse at the convention.

However my back got better after that,it is still a problem but pops back in now when it goes out.

MADDOG
 

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Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
 
Sounds like you need a state sponsorered Personal Care Assistant and Long Term Social Security Disability. If "Death" is something you long for (even if you're not suicidal) then you need support financially so you can have some sense of quality of life. The disease is far easier to treat and manage while on disability.
 

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Posted by phyl6648 (Member # 28522) on :
 
So so sorry. I wish I had some words of comfort but all I can offer is prayer.. I can relate to how you feel except I am not able to work or seldom leave the house. I do hope you find help from somewhere.

hugs,
phyl
 

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Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
 
Maddog, you are a mess buddy. You're right only you could go to a healing convention and have a bunch fall on top of you.

There is a message in that happening? I don't know what it is. But someday you'll figure it out.

I hope your back is short term.


Missing, I can't even image how hard it must be for you to work 40 hrs, care for sick husband and child.

I hope you find strength and something hopeful comes your way soon.

Pam
 

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Posted by kday (Member # 22234) on :
 

quote:

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Everytime I take supplements and all that stuff, the pain gets so bad, that I collapse on the floor and start screaming and crying,

then my body seizes up and refuses to move,

even eating dose this

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