All my life I have been considered "overweight". However we all know that the BMI charts don't take into account for dense bones and they really aren't necessarily healthy weight expectations.
I am 5'9" and at my heaviest, this last summer, I weighed 225. I have massive bones (size 11/12 shoe for example) and I hid my weight well, so nobody ever believed me that I weighed that much.
But, this last summer, my self image and confidence was at the BEST place it ever has been. I was comfortable with myself. Not to say that I didn't want to loose weight, but I wasn't loathing the fact that I couldn't or that I was so heavy.
6 months ago I became bed/house bound and in 5 months I lost 55 lbs. I haven't lost anything in the last month. It feels good to have lost that extra weight, BUT, my self image and confidence have gone down the toilet!!
I never thought this could happen like this, it seems like it should be the other way around!! I know being chronically ill has contributed to my self image but still.
Now, even though I can see my bones sticking out, I FEEL FAT. When I look into the mirror I look FAT to myself. I know I'm not but this is just the way I see myself.
So my question is, do you have problems with your self image and confidence? Especially with weight loss?
I would like to hear if this is just me being weird or if it is normal. Posted by IndyColtsFan (Member # 30785) on :
No it's not weird. I feel the same way. I've dropped 30 since last June for no reason, but I don't feel any different or think I look any different. I relate to having the bad self-image since I've become ill. I'm still working and all and I get support from my boss but her husband (who is the plant manager/she the office manager) is a real dick in general to women. I can hear him right now in the other office going on about one of our customers with cancer and he sounds so compassionate and christian like but do you think he says anything encouraging to me? Hell no! He picks on me and her (his own wife) for the dumbest little things while the "men" around here can get away with everything and he just carries on with them. Sorry off topic but it's on my mind right now! Wish I could give you some advice, but just know I share your concern. Maybe we will both learn something from others who post!
Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
Oh gosh. My weight has bounced around with Lyme, but I've mostly been pretty bony.
In 2009/2010, I gained 30 pounds. Since I was starting at emaciated, I actually looked fine. But I was surprised my clothes no longer fit and I thought I was huge. I refused to buy larger clothes and I think I wore the same skirt all summer last year!
Since joining the YMCA, I'm down 5 pounds, so no longer at my highest weight, but close.
My messed up self image comes more from not spending my 20s and 30s building a career, which is what I really wanted. Now, I think all the options I would have considered are pretty much closed to me, and I need to figure out what kind of life I'm going to have. So far, pretty unfulfilling.
Illness takes everything from us, but you have to keep fighting. EVERYONE who recovers says it was worth the effort and the ups and downs. That life does get better.
I think a lot of the mental/confidence stuff we go through is tied directly to brain inflammation and neurotransmitter imbalance.
I think it gets better, too.
Posted by deerose (Member # 27484) on :
I gradually lost weight probably due to the change in food...no refined carbs and all that ...plus less appetite.
went down two sizes.
As for the sense of self and confidence..
like a sieve... I mean I felt like a MAJOR loser...
it hasn't been tied to weight change though... brain brain brain stuff
this part of the disease--and I agree totally with boxermom--- that it is the neuro brain effects...
because now at this stage of feeling better I no longer feel that way...came up out of the pit of pits...and regaining a sense of self that I thought was lost for good.
i am different but that is gone...still will have to feel my way through new perspectives of life and so on...but that underlying erosion is gone.
and if only it had felt so clearcut going through it...I could ahve reassured myself but no reasurances would have made a difference. Even professionals maxed out it seems on longterm seemingly unremitting mental stuff.
I can feel it before they act it...one practioner said I needed to get out and date.
i was in agony trying to convey the depth of misery. I wanted to die. It turned out undiagnosed bartonella...at least.
Somehow you just hang on until... I spread bits of it among friends and family without putting too much on any one.
even though i was hanging in with a fight of and for my life and managing to keep some plates spinning and the outer semblance of life.
Not to mention faked a much better face than was the case when I was with people because it just seemed a better idea than them seeing the harsh reality...100%. they didn't get it even at the faked level i let show.
but I had it good with people compared to many who have friends and family who reject or totally misunderstand.
heck not sure I saw the 100% reality either but there you have it.
It has disappeared the better I have gotten with treatment...that aspect has disappeared. Over the last two months especially.
I think the last episode I had of feeling like a loser was about a month ago probably during a herx.
Before that it wasn't only a episdoe it was a daily constant drain and nightmare of loss of self.
not self pity..just lost me in some ways.
Really. I have a professional background in mental health but even so to experience such a huge psych issue caused by and then resolve on the basis of disease processes is still startling to me.
so all that is to say...yes...these diseases do that but recovery happens.
Posted by sickntired19 (Member # 21949) on :
I think you guys definitely have a point about the infections themselves causing the brain issues. I know that I am affected that way too so hopefully I will get my confidence back with my health!
I think some of the reasons I lost so much confidence and self image is because now all my cloths are HUGE and look like sacks on me. Also, it is so discouraging when your friends see you somewhere and they don't even recognize you!! Or they just stare in awe and wonderment....or disbelief.
And I never get to look cute anymore. I used to always dress so cute when I went out but now it is all about what is the most comfortable and warmest. I just keep wearing the same few huge, baggy cloths over and over for going to Dr.'s appointments. I think I am going to get something that actually fits for my birthday! (good idea!!)
Thanks guys for the encouragement!!
Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
I can SO relate!
During my super skinny phases, I called my clothes "clown clothes," because that's how they fit me.
And I never wore makeup or did my hair.
In the few photos that exist from those years, I look like a runaway. Unshowered and wearing baggy clothes.
So NOT glamorous.
Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
Welcome to the club. Almost every patient experiences this in some form. When you get healthier you'll probably find it's easy to control your weight.
Lyme Disease causes massive fluctuations in weight. One minute you can be starving -- even after eating a full course meal -- and the next you don't eat all day or longer and lose weight.
Weight problems are common. The good news is that once the illness is in check, those things return to normal just like your body temp, sleep, etc.
I don't blame myself at all. I didn't create this ****. I do however workout a lot (when I can) to take some control back and to attempt to offset the weight gain or loss.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
what self image??? i don't have one.
when i first got sick i got down to 130 and i'm 5 feet so i looked good. some people thought it was too thin.
my husband never complimented me, never said one word. even when i got new clothes, etc., when i asked him about it he said "why the hell should i have to compliment you? if you don't think you look good, that's your problem."
sooooo, you can understand about my self image.
the situation is even worse now that i'm 200 pounds. the medicines have caused me to pack on the pounds and i swear i cna't loose it.
and yes, the comments are fast and furious....
so not only do i KNOW i don't look good, i'm being told so...
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
I know exactly how you feel. For most of my years I struggled with low self esteem, low self image...what I call a "loss of preciousness". I would think I am less than...if only I could...etc, etc, etc, etc, etc...
Then, one day a few years ago, the truth hit me like a beautiful ton of gold bricks:
No matter how big or small no matter how short or tall no matter what anyone says or doesn't say no matter if you're sick or well no matter what is going on in our life no matter what...period...
we are ALWAYS precious.
Our feelings can be so deceptive and often are.
People's words to us can be filled with lies and at times are.
I had mixed up two very important words PERFECT and PRECIOUS. I thought that if I was perfect...then I was precious. Wrongo!
The truth is that you and I are born precious and there is never a moment/never a second that we are not precious (no matter what others think...and no matter what we even think).
Our preciousness never changes.
You are invaluable...you are precious...no matter how you (or I) even feel about ourselves.
The next time you look in the mirror I encourage you to say, "Hello beautiful, I am precious!" Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
quote:Originally posted by randibear: what self image??? i don't have one.
when i first got sick i got down to 130 and i'm 5 feet so i looked good. some people thought it was too thin.
my husband never complimented me, never said one word. even when i got new clothes, etc., when i asked him about it he said "why the hell should i have to compliment you? if you don't think you look good, that's your problem."
sooooo, you can understand about my self image.
the situation is even worse now that i'm 200 pounds. the medicines have caused me to pack on the pounds and i swear i cna't loose it.
and yes, the comments are fast and furious....
so not only do i KNOW i don't look good, i'm being told so...
I try really hard not to be judgmental but that's just not cool. What a ****in' dick. You "always" compliment your woman. If she asks you if she looks fat, you say no. If she asks if you like her new cloths you say "I love them, when they're on the floor after I've torn them off you to make love to ya." A mans job is to always be supportive and to held his lady accomplish her goals and to show her why he picked her in the first place to be his love (or...he was lucky enough to be picked by her).
That's a man. Your husbands an *******. Maybe he has his reasons -- whatever excuses, still..... *******! ******* behavior, anyway at the minimum.
I was a pretty big dick when I was untreated for Lyme Disease but even then I tried so hard to suppress it and to let my partner see how hard I was trying. I did everything in my power to show her what she meant to me in a positive way by getting my **** together.
Too many people are being abused in this world, and it's not cool!
Posted by sickntired19 (Member # 21949) on :
[QUOTE]Originally posted by randibear: [QB] what self image??? i don't have one.
my husband never complimented me, never said one word. even when i got new clothes, etc., when i asked him about it he said "why the hell should i have to compliment you? if you don't think you look good, that's your problem."
I am so sorry you have to experience that. That is just plain wrong. Its bad enough that our own self image is trashed but for people to make comments like that?? Thats uncalled for.
I'm scared of the whole gaining weight thing. I slowly, gradually gained weight all my life, just one pound at a time, but no matter what I did, I couldn't loose it. I now think it was the Lyme. But I am afraid I will just blow up some day and then people will freak out again.
I guess we just have to remember that we are beautiful just how we are. Whether skinny or overweight.
Posted by sickntired19 (Member # 21949) on :
Thank you so much for that reminder! Some important things to keep in mind!!
quote:Originally posted by daisyrlb: Then, one day a few years ago, the truth hit me like a beautiful ton of gold bricks:
No matter how big or small no matter how short or tall no matter what anyone says or doesn't say no matter if you're sick or well no matter what is going on in our life no matter what...period...
we are ALWAYS precious.
Our feelings can be so deceptive and often are.
People's words to us can be filled with lies and at times are.
I had mixed up two very important words PERFECT and PRECIOUS. I thought that if I was perfect...then I was precious. Wrongo!
The truth is that you and I are born precious and there is never a moment/never a second that we are not precious (no matter what others think...and no matter what we even think).
Our preciousness never changes.
You are invaluable...you are precious...no matter how you (or I) even feel about ourselves.
The next time you look in the mirror I encourage you to say, "Hello beautiful, I am precious!"
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
The precious and beautiful sickntired19 shares,
"I think I am going to get something that actually fits for my birthday! (good idea!!)"
Yes, THAT is a good idea. Do it for...YOU!
And, when is your birthday? Soon I hope!!! Enjoy your time shopping. Wish I could go with you. Posted by sickntired19 (Member # 21949) on :
My birthday is April 12. So I have a month to try to feel a little better (good luck with that, huh) and to figure out what i am going to do and wear!
quote:Originally posted by daisyrlb: The precious and beautiful sickntired19 shares,
"I think I am going to get something that actually fits for my birthday! (good idea!!)"
Yes, THAT is a good idea. Do it for...YOU!
And, when is your birthday? Soon I hope!!! Enjoy your time shopping. Wish I could go with you.
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
Oh, April 12, your birthday is just around the corner!
Praying you are feeling better and have a great time celebrating you. Start thinking about what you want to wear and go buy it. And do something special too.
Posted by momintexas (Member # 23391) on :
daisyrlb wrote:
"Then, one day a few years ago, the truth hit me like a beautiful ton of gold bricks:
No matter how big or small no matter how short or tall no matter what anyone says or doesn't say no matter if you're sick or well no matter what is going on in our life no matter what...period...
we are ALWAYS precious."
Thank you for sharing this - so so true and so well said. [
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
my birthday is april 20th. he'll be gone fishing so just another day.
Posted by sickntired19 (Member # 21949) on :
Yes! I am starting to plan everything out. I am going to have a photo shoot with my 2 sisters- it will be for free, including a CD with the pictures. I found a guy on Craigslist looking to add to his portfolio so that will be awesome!!
I want to take 2 or 3 good friends and go paint pottery. Just sitting quietly, nothing strenuous! And then maybe a dinner out or something.
Also, I have never been to a spa really and I would really LOVE to be pampered but, who has the money for all of this?? I really would like to get a 2 hour massage though! Maybe I will ask for that for my B-day gift!
@randibear- First off, is Bear a part of you name at all? I am directly related to Bears....Just curious! Thats cool how close our birthdays are!!
Posted by luckylymie (Member # 30162) on :
Share pamperings with your friends~
Give each other mani-pedis
facials
mud masks with cucumber slices on your eyes
foot massages
scalp massages
shoulder massages
hand massages
If you have some essential oils laying around, you have aromatherapy!
Deep conditioning treatments for your hair
Henna for your hair if anyone is daring enough
henna tattoos
Haircuts if anyone has the skills and there is NO ALCOHOL involved. I can not stress this enough. NEVER mix the two!!!
Waxing...or look up a recipe for "sugaring" online. Sugaring is what "Nads" is, but you could make up a big batch for cheap in your kitchen
You could ask each friend to bring something they would like to do or have done....
...and a bathrobe
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Sick... Didn't you say that you sew!? Make some new clothes that FIT! You will feel MUCH better to have clothes that FIT!
I can't stand to wear things that don't fit...no way. I have several sizes in my closet!!
If you don't have the energy or the money to do that, go to a thrift store. You can find some great items there!!
Happy shopping! Posted by sickntired19 (Member # 21949) on :
I REALLY like all your ideas. I didn't think about just having a spa day here at home but that is a great idea!! LOVE IT!!
I had never heard of "sugaring" until now. I had to let you know I am doing this TONIGHT!!! I am so excited! I have been wanting to do some waxing but we havn't had a microwave to warm mine up since my nephew fried his tractor in it! :/ (There were flames shooting out of it!)
I have wanted to do a henna treatment and this actually sounds like a good time to do it. When I am stuck in bed and nobody sees me anyway. So if something goes badly wrong, no biggy!
I've also always been intrigued by henna tattoos!!
Your comment has totally made my day...at 8:30pm. Thanks!
quote:Originally posted by luckylymie: Share pamperings with your friends~
Deep conditioning treatments for your hair
Henna for your hair if anyone is daring enough
henna tattoos
Waxing...or look up a recipe for "sugaring" online. Sugaring is what "Nads" is, but you could make up a big batch for cheap in your kitchen
Posted by luckylymie (Member # 30162) on :
Can you get to a middle eastern or indian store? They usually have good quality henna cheap. For the tattoos, look for pre-made cones, something like this....
For your hair, do some research first. Don't buy it at the health food store. It has metals in it. If you can't get to a middle eastern market, where they sell it in small boxes for less than $5, buy body quality henna online. I think you might like perusing this website
Read their stories, and you will quickly figure out what you want to do. Henna is fun. Do it right and you will LOVE it!
If you can't get all this together ( story of my last 19 undiagnosed years)....fine point sharpies make fun temporary tattoos, and come in a rainbow of colors. The brown one looks just like a henna tattoo!
To take your spa night to the pinnacle of luxury, all you need are damp washcloths rolled up individually in a crockpot. These are awesome to have on the ready for all treatments involving the face. (Don't use these around henna. Henna stains everything it touches. Use disposables for that!)
What kind of stuff do you already have? FIR sauna? The cellulite fighting qualities alone are bound to appeal to any woman! Skin brushing? Ditto! I'll bet you have a few gadgets, gizmos, and thingymabobs already that will contribute to a 5 star, over-the-top spa experience for you and your girlies!
Speaking of skin brushes, they're cheap and pack a powerful punch! You could get each friend their own as a party favor~ ( I don't like to share these) Here is a link, scroll down and there are a few to choose from.
There are a ton of beauty treatments you can make at home in your kitchen which will be on par with the best of the best spas. Egg yolk, avocado, or honey all make excellent masks.
Sugar mixed with olive oil is an excellent exfoliant. Use it on each others hands and feet, and you will trade massages and scruff off all the dead skin at the same time!
my head is inflating....more thoughts later Posted by jmb (Member # 18338) on :
I have become more and more sensitive to gluten in the last couple years. So even when I do not look bad it feels like I do. And the skin eruptions on the back don't help. None of it helps.
Of course the difficulties of maintaining confidence in general while sick for YEARS should not be underestimated.
I see a physchologist. It helps, some. I have learned that I look better, seem better, work better, etc. than I think I do.
It sounds like you have been (a little too) bod-conscious for a long time. But you are not insane.
Posted by Lymester (Member # 5848) on :
Dear randibear,
I'm so sorry. I lived 15yrs or more of this. Once I got through the lyme without his support, I divorced. I'm sorry, it's just the way it worked better for me. Much happier.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
my beloved pet labrador who died about 4 years ago was named "randi".
her official registered name was "belle's randies bear". her mom was national show and her dad was national field.
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