Feeling really good physically and nearing the end of my treatment (I hope) I am now trying to rebuild my life and make new friendships
The trouble is after what I've experienced for the past three years I seem to easily pick up on superficiality in people and sadly this seems to be 80% or more of the population. It's probably obvious what I am saying but I am losing faith in humanity...in this culture it seems people are just so self absorbed.
Maybe lyme was a blessing that has made me more atuned to detecting bad human behavior(eg. overtly self centered) and I can halt the friendship before investing so much time and energy into it.
Is anyone else relating to what I am saying?
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Absolutely correct!! We now know the true meaning of life .. if we didn't know it before Lyme!
Blessings to you in your search for new friends! You will find them! Posted by HorseHelper (Member # 30255) on :
Laura, Yes, getting to the point that this site is my only hope. People are tired of hearing about anyone's illness.
I think everyone everywhere experiences hardships beyond understanding and with this country and it's problems, Lyme appears trivial to others, but not us!
Blessings, HH Posted by Hambone (Member # 29535) on :
Oh my gosh YES!
I've often been wondering if I will ever be able to mix right back in with society if I ever get better. I'm not like them anymore. Don't want to be.
I've noticed that most people will only do something for someone else, something charitable or just helping sombody who's sick or poor...only if they get recognition for it, or when others can see their good deed.
To me, somebody who does an act of kindness anonymously or without recognition is a beautiful thing. That's the kind of person I want to be.
I have a little story....
In the fall of '09 I was in the hospital for a week having tests run. Most of the nurses and my doctor were just there to do their jobs. They weren't mean, but they weren't overly kind either.
My third day there, a twenty-something African American woman, a little round and wearing beautiful beads in her hair, popped her head in my door and asked if I'd like my bedsheets changed.
I said,"Sure" and she bee- bopped into the room with almost a little dance in her step. She kept referring to me as Baby, Honey or Sugah....and made me feel special.
There was a big mirror she could see herself in while she was making up the bed, and I noticed she kept looking at herself and blowing herself kisses and patting her face and hair. Then she would tell herself (in the mirror ) how good she looked and was just loving on herself. It was hysterical. The woman truly loved herself and didn't care who knew it.
She just radiated love and kindness and goodness. It was like a glow. You couldn't help but want to be in her presence.
I said to her, "I want what you have." I told her that she just radiated love. and glowed.
She started to get teery eyed and shut the door to the room so she wouldn't be seen goofing off or anything.
And she started telling me her story about how she almost died, and how Jesus saved her.
She laid her hands on me and said the most beautiful prayer I'd ever heard and was telling me I will get better. She was just a preaching and praying. It was an awesome thing to see.
Right before she came to my room, I had been praying and praying for God to please give me a sign that I will get better. I kid you not, 30 seconds later this woman popped her head in my room.
It was like she was Jesus Himself, but dressed as a woman who changed hospital sheets. You could not help but want to be near her. She just glowed with happiness and genuine love.
She said it was because of her illness and what she had seen and been through that changed her.
I know God sent that woman to my room at that exact moment for a reason. When people go through the kinds of things we have, you can't help but be changed to be more like Him.
Still makes it hard to be around the other 80% who are still self absorbed, though.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
I know God sent that woman to my room at that exact moment for a reason. When people go through the kinds of things we have, you can't help but be changed to be more like Him.
+++++++++++++++
You are so right!! What an awesome story!! That will keep you going a long while, won't it!!?
Thanks for sharing that! I can just SEE her! And I would love to have heard that prayer!
Posted by merrygirl (Member # 12041) on :
Yes i am much different than i was 4 years ago when i first got ill. I would never have been compassionate to other peoples illnesses. I can understand why healthy people act the way they do. I have always been compassionate to animals. I am still not a big fan of most people, but i have been helped tremendously by people i have met because i have lyme. I see the lesson that lyme has taught me. I get it now, so i am ready for the lesson to be over now!
Posted by Lauralyme (Member # 15021) on :
Here's a good quote
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.
These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.....they are made" - Elizabeth Kubler Ross
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
My mother used to say she wasn't able to truly sympathize with others until she had really suffered herself - the kind of suffering that brings you to your knees.
Most lyme pts and those with chronic, life-threatening illness have been there, so they know and understand the suffering of others.
Laura, I know what you mean and hope God brings you those people you can connect with.
Hambone,
What a great story. Maybe she was an angel?
Posted by Hambone (Member # 29535) on :
quote:Originally posted by Lauralyme: Here's a good quote
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.
These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.....they are made" - Elizabeth Kubler Ross
I love this. I'd like to take this quote and have it made into something I can frame.
Posted by merrygirl (Member # 12041) on :
I like that quote too, thanks for sharing!
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
That really is nice .. and TRUE!!
Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
Absolutely. I am inherently self centered and I never deceive anyone into thinking otherwise. I just don't pretend to be. That's what you don't like. It's the facade of deception.
Everyone seems to like me, well except the people who I devastate on Xbox. They always give me bad reviews, but I'm getting off track here.
Seems you've stumbled across some useful wisdom that you can apply to your life. Try to go easy on those who aren't privy to their own shortcomings. You still have plenty in you. We all do.
Posted by Hambone (Member # 29535) on :
Vent alert.....does this bother anybody else?
On Facebook, you have( good ) friends who KNOW how sick you've been and for how long. They KNOW how much you've endlessly suffered.
But then they will turn around and write something on FB like, "I've had this cold for 3 days now. I am so miserable and feel like I will die. Going to a concert tonight!"
I know they aren't even thinking of me when they write this stuff, but it seems a little insensitive ( only because I know they know how sick I am ).
I want to thump people in the forehead when they go on and on and on about how sick they are with every minor ailment, and then turn around and list all the activities they have planned.
I would be embarrassed if I did that, KNOWING one of my ( good ) FB friends is fighting for their life and has very little quality of life.
And then you have those friends who get answered prayers, and say it was their faith that got them an answered prayer, and all you have to do is trust God and ask and receive. Makes me feel like they think I just don't have faith and don't pray right ( or at all ).
I pray every hour on the hour with the deepest faith one can have. But for whatever reason, it goes unanswered. I would not be here right now if I had no faith.
Then there are the friends who KNOW how bad things are for you, and they constantly rub in your face how blessed they are. "I'm so blessed!" "I got all these great deals when I went shopping today! I'm so incredibly blessed!"
It makes me feel like they think God just must love them more...like I must've done something to deserve what is happening to me.
( I'm sure this sounds like a very immature post, but my hormones crashed and I just got off Facebook and am annoyed with some people. I had to vent before I popped. Teachers complaining of having to go back to work after spring break, complaining that there are two more months left til summer break.....just makes me so darn angry that they don't appreciate what they have. )
Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry I hijacked this thread.
Posted by skies (Member # 28064) on :
Hambone.. That's a great story! It brought tears to my eyes!
And I truly can relate to your last post.. Don't worry about venting, we all need to do it sometimes, and I am about to right now as well..
What I notice is that now I cannot stand to listen to people complain about "trivial" things.. like, oh, ick, it's snowing again, I hate this weather..or ugh, I'm so tired, I stayed up too late last night watching XYZ and now I have such a headache!..or Oh, I have to get a new battery for my car, it won't start, this sucks...or my son didn't make the soccer team, this is horrible! I think to myself, do you have any idea how I feel right now as you sit there and complain about this crap?!? I try not to roll my eyes. I know that these people have no idea of what is really going on with me or how I truly feel, but it still annoys me.
I guess this whole thing has truly taught me not to "sweat the small stuff."
Posted by Hambone (Member # 29535) on :
quote:Originally posted by skies: What I notice is that now I cannot stand to listen to people complain about "trivial" things.. like, oh, ick, it's snowing again, I hate this weather..or ugh, I'm so tired, I stayed up too late last night watching XYZ and now I have such a headache!..or Oh, I have to get a new battery for my car, it won't start, this sucks...or my son didn't make the soccer team, this is horrible! I think to myself, do you have any idea how I feel right now as you sit there and complain about this crap?!? I try not to roll my eyes. I know that these people have no idea of what is really going on with me or how I truly feel, but it still annoys me.
I guess this whole thing has truly taught me not to "sweat the small stuff."
Oh gosh yes. Just last week my sister called me crying because her car broke down, and my best friend called me ten minutes after that crying because her air conditioner broke ( and this friend lost a baby to SIDS 15 years ago. I had to remind her she'd been through worse and this was just a blip on the radar. )
I just wanted to trade problems with them sooo bad. I would feel honored if my only problem was a broken down car or air conditioner.
If they sat in my shoes for 2 minutes, they'd never complain about trivial things ever again.
Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
Your stories are all familiar. Nothing wrong with feeling frustrated, or whatever else is going on.
Just remember that the world doesn't circle around us no matter how much we think it should.
Bad experiences happen to everyone, and for each -- that "bad" experience can seem like the end of the world. To a 15 year old girl whose boyfriend just broke up with her -- it can feel like the end of the world, if she cared about him. I'd listen to her and hold her hand the same way I've held hands with some of you that have been dying from Lyme or other co-infections.
Or that guy who has had perfect health for a lifetime, and then suddenly he gets a 5 day flu that eventually passes. It knocked him on his ass and for him, that reference point will always be "Damn, that was the worst." I tell him "Wow man, well at least it's over, now you can get back to selling crack to your G's and buying that new Plasma TV.
HAHA, you know? Bad situations happen to everyone and it's not like we go around rating them on a scale of 1-10. Maybe our pain, sure.
We're all dealing with **** and yeah, I still get ****y about the way people drive, or the things people say -- it's fine. I get ****ed and start yelling at the TV set when I'm playing Xbox with some dumbass who gets my character killed. Do I stop to think that it's probably a 9 year old kid on the other end who is doing his best? HELL NO, I just talk trash and let my blood pressure go up.
Human being here, ding ding?
I've been near death, and I've stubbed toes. I get upset over both. I still cry when a lover rips out my heart. I still say stupid insensitive things to people, even after having lived a lifetime of illness.
Being sick didn't make me a saint. I'm still just a human being who is sick.
And as far as praying goes. Do the best you can. If you believe in God, fine. Believe in superstition, or good luck, or bad luck or Budda, or just randomness -- if you do things as sincerely as possible, whether that's asking someone for help, or asking God -- then you've done all you can do and nothing anyone says is going to some how change that.
I just wake up everyday and tell myself "Try not to be an ******* today, mmkay?" Seems to help, and no matter how much criticism I get, it still boils down to doing the best I can.
Posted by skies (Member # 28064) on :
That was well said Metallic Blue. That's true, whatever the problem is, it is a big deal to the person experiencing it. That's what I tell myself when others complain about that kind of stuff, but some days, I am just boiling inside.
I do my best to be sympathetic toward them, but it doesn't mean that I'm not thinking ugh, cry me a river, you have no idea what real problems are! That's not how I react, of course! I like to try to treat others the way I would like to be treated. It's difficult on the really s****y days.
Posted by raw vegan runner (Member # 30432) on :
Oh, Hambone...you've got me crying with that story! What a Gift
I feel the same way. I have always been very empathetic but after all this I am even more so. I truly know who my friends are, and the others can go f*ck themselves. I have some old *friends* that come around on FB every now and again and say 'Oh we should get together' or some such nonsense...like its out of guilt...I just do not even respond. At this point in my life I prefer quality over quantity. Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
Hambone! you made really great points about how people are!!!
The only people that I see are my husband and daughter!
The three of us have been abandoned!
No one talks to me! No one phones me! no one cares!
My MIL implied that it was my fault that I had Lyme and Babesia because I
1. didn't eat vegetables
2. didn't eat healthy
3. didn't get a pastor to pray for me
4. I can't remember the 4th reason but it was really upsetting.
Then she implied that I made my whole family sick because we didn't eat healthy.
She has no idea. She only talks to us once a year, and sees my daughter once a year! that is her grand-daughter.
My daughter asks why her grandma never sees her.
My daughter begs to go on face book and to her church youth group,so that she won't be abandoned like i was
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
Hambone,
I know exactly what you mean. It's hard. I feel the same way about this and am so tired of the drivel on Facebook. Talk about superficial. (I only have an account so I can stalk my kids.) Why do people feel the need to post every time they fart?
Try to think of the lady that came to your hospital room that day. Must have been a message from above. She was a gift. It's hard to ignore the others though. I can sympathize.
Missing, I know how you feel too. We are in the same boat as far as being alone. This illness really takes us out of commission, and people's memories are so short.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Uh oh... I'm guilty of drivel on Facebook!!
Hit me now!! Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
Sorry if I offended any 'drivelers' on facebook. Not everyone is a 'driveler'. I just have to laugh at some of the stuff people post.
Hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings.
Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
No feelings hurt here. I'm a total moron on Facebook.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
I lost my reply in cyberspace!!!! Oh well...try again. I do go on Facebook and write generous accounts of beautiful weather and cute and adorable things my puppy has done. Good news is most people don't respond back with a "how are you" on Facebook. Then I would have to admit that only three of the people reading it actually call me or come over....am I bitter Betty over this? Not so much anymore. I would hate to have to disclose on FB the things we talk about on here. Yeast, flatulence, burping, ports and picc lines backing up, my knees that sound like Grandmas bones in a blender. Who would really want to know about the relation of syphilis to Lyme...they would probably knock me off FB. Ofcourse I am safer on FB than having someone visit...assuming I got a shower that day....any horrid odors I could blame on the adorable puppy. I can still have up on FB pictures from a couple of years ago. Pictures of long ago when I could stand long enough to apply a fresh face of makeup each day. Now I just whisk on some blush which I can tell I over whisked when my son looks at me like I have a 110 degree temp. Oh, I could go on...but thank you all for letting me get my warped chuckles out. I am so blessed to have God and my three friends, more so than when I had more.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
I thought Facebook was for drivel !! Posted by cordor (Member # 9449) on :
Loved the stories and quotes and overall wisdom from Hambone, Metallic Blue and Lauralyme. Thanks for sharing with all of us!
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
Yes, You are right Tutu, facebook is for drivel. I stand corrected.
And for stalking our kids.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
quote:Originally posted by linky123: Yes, You are right Tutu, facebook is for drivel. I stand corrected.
-
--The part about stalking your kids was funny too -- but I don't have any! Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
My son finally "allowed" me to be his friend on FB. Took me awhile to figure out that I wasn't stalking him or catching up on his fun....it was a fake FB page, just for me and my friends. Good thing is he is a great kid, so I guess he had the last laugh.
Posted by sbh93 (Member # 30429) on :
Guilty of stalking my children on FB (and have been glad I do, more than once)!
Thank you for the stories and wisdom. I very infrequently post on FB, and each time I have I've been disappointed.
For example, I recently posted a few new pictures of my kids. Despite the whole family posting "drivel" 24/7, only one commented on the photos--to ask why I haven't sent a hard copy of ONE of them (the one to which she is blood-related). No thanks for sharing, no "how cute," nothing.
Sooo, I remind myself how lucky I am to have the choice of logging in, or not, and posting, or not. That this person, and really no one in my family (except a few with chronic illness who aren't on FB at all) has a clue what I'm going through and probably doesn't realize how sensitive I am.
Like others who have posted on this thread, I remember that my world revolves around those closest to me. As long as they care, that's all I need. And some dairy-free, gluten-free chocolate chips.
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
Yup, my kids don't talk to me much anymore, at least not about what is going on outside our home, their thoughts etc.
So I have to get my information somewhere.
Lyme tx has left them somewhat guarded and difficult to reach. It takes it's toll...and they are teenagers.
Posted by ryansmom (Member # 27456) on :
I do not have Lyme and Co., but my son has Lyme, Babs, Bart, and RMSF. I feel like we are all changed for going through this experience. His sister, 14, is still very superficial, which bothers me, but is actually very age appropriate. Sometimes, other peoples vanity and selfishness bothers me. The biggest change is that I don't really care how others see me. I used to work really hard to be liked by everyone and respected for what I had accomplished and my status in life. Other people's opinions do not matter so much anymore, because I know the truth in my own life. But, I would trade so much to put an end to this misery.
Facebook is for trivial, fun stuff. I don't go on there much anymore, because I find myself becoming a quieter, more introspective person. Hopefully, I will become more forgiving as well.
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