things are only get worse and worse. going broke, getting divorced, still sick, can't work, people forget that i'm still sick. i'm totally worn out. the years are beginning to pass, gobbled up by lyme. i'm so depressed i can't stand up straight. i've worked so hard my whole life and now i have nothing. AND there's no end in sight.
can't live. can't die. tired of trying.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
i know exactly how you feel. there are times when i go to bed in pain and don't want to wake up at all. i could care less, really.
i feel like my life has no meaning, no one cares, and i have made on difference to anyone.
my mother is gone and she was all i cared about. her and my dog and cat.
you reach a point where no one can help you. that or they don't want to.
you look to the future and just see endless days and nights of pain and misery.
some days it's just not worth chewing through the restraints that lyme puts on you.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
I have felt this way...
I can feel your pain in each sentence. It is a lonely, expensive, painful, little known about disease, heartbreaking, frustrating disease. I am sure the list could go on.
I am sorry you feel this way. I will be praying for both of you. Even though it seems prayer sometimes doesn't help, it does. We may just not be able to see thru our pain.
I see a therapist. I know there are ones that work on a sliding scale. I also know it seems like one more, seemingly futile, thing to do. When you find the right one, it does help.
With your divorce going on also, sweet sick puppy, you need some support. This board is here and please PM me anytime.
Hugs.....
Posted by sickpuppy (Member # 23846) on :
thank you. i have a sliding scale therapist. $25. she's nice but she doesn't help. i go in, tell her about things, and leave.
i'm stuck in a nightmare.
Posted by sickpuppy (Member # 23846) on :
randibear i feel like i'm rotting alive while people just watch. i keep thinking someone should help me but no one does. i've tried to help myself but it's almost as though the harder i try the worse things get. why would anyone keep trying? learned helplessness, textbook.
Posted by MADDOG (Member # 18) on :
OH WOW!!! Been living this for 27 years,it hasent got any eaiser.
What is the problem? we are very ill but we look ok on the outside like a orange that has a good peel but is rotten on the inside.
Just when we are herxing from the lyme dieing while taking antibiotics,and used to it after two decades.The neighbor sprays 2,4D .
They cant have a clue that our drugs for lyme clash with the off gasses off of 2,4D and stops our recovery in its tracks.
With hives and liver damage. 2,4D was the beginning of the end for my friend charlie who had liver failure 6 months after a neighbor sprayed 2,4D and he died.Yes he drank but the huge doses of 2,4D his neighbor sprayed to kill honey suckle bushes killed charlie.
The honey suckle is what charlie had around his place for privacy,he lost that and it also broke his heart.
Our biggest fight to survive is with neighbors and family who are clueless to what we are going through.
How do you explain to people who just don't get it what we do to survive.
How the chems that control our lyme CLASH with chems like 2,4D,and kill us!!!!
MADDOG
Posted by sickpuppy (Member # 23846) on :
yeah maybe that's it. the old me is dead. it's time to give up the hope of getting back to all that. and the new me probably can't survive financially, let alone on any other terms.
maybe i'm realizing limbo is the new reality. not alive. not dead.
i can't believe we all are just left to rot like this. i had such high hopes that the film, under our skin, would change things.
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Change is taking place. It is slow but it is there.
As I read your first post, I thought stress city.
Dealing with lyme is stress enough. So, looking forward to hearing that you are slowly having less stress.
I know when I am where you are, I loose track of time.
You'll get there. Hang in there.
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
How are things going? As Kam said, it does take time and it goes S-L-O-W.
Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you and hoping you have had a brighter day-they do come. I promise.
Posted by John S (Member # 19756) on :
Oh, I know how you feel.
Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
quote:Originally posted by sickpuppy: things are only get worse and worse. going broke, getting divorced, still sick, can't work, people forget that i'm still sick. i'm totally worn out. the years are beginning to pass, gobbled up by lyme. i'm so depressed i can't stand up straight. i've worked so hard my whole life and now i have nothing. AND there's no end in sight.
can't live. can't die. tired of trying.
****in' A, I could have written this statement today. I'm thinking the same thing.
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
Payne, what you wrote...beautiful.
Today I only have two things to offer...tears and prayers.
Posted by sutherngrl (Member # 16270) on :
I am thinking the exact same way myself.
Even though many of my lyme symptoms are better, I am still struggling with mental issues brought on by Lyme Disease. Its like it never ends. Every thing I do is a struggle.
I am barely alive in my brain. My body is worn down from ongoing physical illness for the past 5 years. At times it is way too much to deal with.
All I can do is pray and wait on the Lord.
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
sutherngrl,
Sorry you are struggling so much. I know exactly what you're talking about. It was the neurological issues that got me the worst...along with the EXHAUSTION. Both put me to bed.
I use this product and it totally has eliminated my neuro symptoms.
Neuro-Antitox II CNS/PNS. It is one of the things that has given me my life back...and especially my mind-I like having my right mind!
It is the third item listed in this link. You can check it out at
You'll notice this formula also comes in "basic", "cardio" and "skeletal".
FYI: I do not sale this or any product. I get no compensation of any kind. And BTW I am not a doctor.
God bless you and give you HOPE today!
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
Today is a new day and my thoughts are different than they were yesterday.
Been reading the "Activism" threads. There is a stirring inside of me...David and Goliath--has a nice, VERY nice, ring to it!
I've got a dream, too. LD and Co, we SHALL overcome you...
Time to get on the FrontLyme...push back the darkness!
...by God's grace.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
im so sorry for everyone here. This seems neverending. I lose faith everyday as it goes by and it seems like people have life and I'm living dead. I'm so sorry.
Posted by sickpuppy (Member # 23846) on :
So many of us get to feeling this way. It breaks my heart but doesn't seem to move doctors or lawmakers one bit which is an indicator of how pathetic humanity is. I'm really disgusted.
Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
I've said hundreds of thousands of times I'm tired. But I would never say I'm tired of living.
No matter what is thrown at me. I'm a strong woman and physical pain is horrible and tiring.
Mental and emotional and spiritual pain are very tiring. You can only take so much before you have to rest you mind, body and spirit anyway you can.
But give up....no way Jose!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pam
Posted by lou (Member # 81) on :
Lyme people who think they are no longer worth anything because they are sick and can't do what they used to do......the fact that they hang on against such terrific odds helps others go on.
Like we were shipwrecked in the middle of the ocean and we are treading water, holding hands and keeping each other afloat.
Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
I felt like that all day, but I have this annoying bubbliness that never quits or lets me get depressed.
Are you homeless? I have a beautiful huge cedar shed with windows that could be turned into a home.
If I can get a permit to do so.
Me and my husband would love to help out people that way.
I think moving in with people is risky, so this is just a nice huge shed on our property that is completely separate.
How else could we help you?
You can PM me anytime.
Do you need money?
A friend?
a home?
Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
Can I ask some dumb questions?
At least maybe it will make you guys laugh.
If it is a full moon where I am, is it a full moon where you are?
My though was, we all seem to be extra depressed this week, then I checked and realized it was a full moon.
I would bet a million bucks that those Lyme bugs make us sicker during a full moon.
All kinds of things happen during a full moon.
What do you think?
Besides that I must be really dumb.
ha ha ha ha ha
Posted by MADDOG (Member # 18) on :
MADDOG
Posted by katiebobatie (Member # 28753) on :
haha, thats a funny theory about the moon!
i really am not normally down like i have been lately, so you never know!
Posted by lymewreck36 (Member # 4395) on :
There is one good thing about lyme, and I must say, I spend moments every day in these same sad, frustrated thoughts:
I don't know any of you. I wouldn't know you if I passed you on the street. But I care about all of you, even when you haven't heard from me in a long time.
I've read your posts, even if I don't answer. I've prayed for you even if you didn't hear a whisper. And I know these feelings are returned by all of you that are here when I plug in to my computer.
Would be wonderful if we didn't meet in cyberspace this way. We would be healthy, whole people.
But we do, and I care.
Mary
Posted by norcal (Member # 29829) on :
Wow,reading this brings me back to remember the dispair. I swear I never want to forget,I feel like it is my destiny to help those who still suffer. I was in that place not too long ago.I am so much better now.I would like to say it can pass, it does pass. You get your life back if you do everything you can to get well and God smiles on you. There is a place for grief, then get back in the game when you can,it is vital to stay the course,have faith in the bodies ability to heal with the right combination of treatment and other soul/mind/body nourishing tactics. I will again pray for all those that are in the pit of dispair ,I know exactly how awful it is.
Posted by katiebobatie (Member # 28753) on :
thanks for the encouragement norcal!
Posted by HopesAlive (Member # 29774) on :
I have already gone through the stage of "grieving my former self." That is what I call what brings me down. I did this even before my diagnosis, then again after I was diagnosed. I cannot say I will ever accept this self permanently, but I do have a great hope and faith that I will be restored 100% someday.
So, in the meantime, I have tried to learn to accept this self and celebrate the small accomplishments in life and cling to those who still care about me and support me. I now count what I CAN do in a day, instead of what I cannot, and that was a tough thing for a "perfectionist" to do. Really tough. I used to beat myself up a lot, and now I am more gentle with myself. And I try very hard to take one day at a time, live in the moment, yet never give up hope for a great future...yet to come.
I am not saying I will never go there again, and I do have a "down" day or two, but that is all that I will allow. The opposite of hope IS despair, and I do not want to go there! Yes, I am new and maybe a bit naive, but I will try to stay positive as long as I possibly can.