So, I am in excrutiating pain, going through herxes, and trying to work full time.
This has been going on for 4 years.
My husband also has Lyme and Bartonella.
He just left me.
I will be his friend forever. I warned him many times that the anger and frustration that he has been feeling for the last 4 years is due to :
1. not having any support from relatives and friends through this time
2. Financial stress
3. Lyme rage
4. Your father dying
5. Your daughter is very sick from Lyme, Babesia and Lyme
6. Your wife almost dying from Lyme and Babesia and Bartonella
7. Normal every day stresses.
8. Bartonella rage
9. feeling tired and sick from having to work 60 hour weeks.
i will let him come back,
He doesn't understand a whole lot right now. He acts a bit autistic now. He get confused and forgetful. He is tender and loving and funny, then angry and frustrated.
I need support and prayer. I don't want to leave him, but if he can't stand me, and if I annoy him, i sure would love a man to be there for me, and help me through all this.
I don't know what to do.
Posted by mcaringella (Member # 24848) on :
I just pm'd you. Love, Michelle
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
Sorry that this is happening to you and your family.
I will be supporting you in prayer. Nothing is out of God's sight or out of God's reach-He will never leave you.
PM if I can help further.
Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :
After that list, it's no wonder the guy is having a break down.
Listen, even iron can be broken if enough pressure is applied.
The guy just can't handle his own mental and physical problems, plus life, plus every other stack of burdens being placed on him. He can barely survive being in his own body so he's being forced to let go of everyone else. It's probably the last thing he wanted I'll bet.
This is probably his way of just avoiding doing more damage to you or anyone else too. It's not you or your daughter personally that he's blaming I think, it's awful circumstances that have worn everyone to down to dust. Give it time, and you take care of you.
The guy will likely come back if he can get enough support and strength back. He can't really get that strength from the family since he probably feels like he should be taking care of you all -- but he can't, he's powerless.
Anyway, I'm not in his shoes, but if I was, and I dealt with the list you provided, that's what I would feel and do.
Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
May God give you peace in the midst of this storm.
Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
I hope that by reading our messages that you gain some added strength. You must be a very strong woman. To be dealing with all of this on your shoulders.
Praying for you
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
i am so very very sorry. i got dumped by my first husband and even when i didn't have lyme, it was devastating.
i will be thinking and praying for you.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
I hope thongs turn out good. I'm so sorry. God sees all, you just get tired of god doesn't give you what you can't handle. One minute at a time.
Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
Thanks everyone.
I don't know if he will come back.
This has been going on and escalating for 20 years.
I love him so much that I even started a blog dedicated to how wonderful I thought he was.
I didn't know how else to communicate this too him.
I bought him stuff. Worked two jobs, even though I have had Lyme and co-infections for the last four years (and Lyme for over 25 years!).
I put make-up on everyday, bought nice clothes, baked, cooked and cleaned even though the pain from Lyme was so bad that I was collapsing on the floor screaming!
And I still put make-up on and made love to him, daily, for the last 23 years that we have been married, and no matter how sick I felt and how much pain I was in.
I tried to be perfect.
HE has severe Lyme rage, Lyme autism started to affect him.
HE was acting more and more autistic and actually really out of it, and dumb.
10 years ago, before his dad died, he told my husband to be nicer to me and to be more supportive because he wasn't at all. HIs dad noticed and said that I was really nice and his son should be nicer to me.
HE just constantly tells me how annoying I am.
I try to lift him up, honour him and love him, but sometimes I would angry and frustrated at him, because no matter how many times I reminded him of how sick I was, and how excruciating the skin and body pain was he would still scream at me because I forgot something at the grocery store, or because I didn't buy him a brand new truck......or whatever issue he had with me that day.
I would drag myself out of bed everyday, just trying to survive.
HE didn't tell me that he was sick and in tons of pain.
I just figured it out one day.
So I sent him to the Lyme doctor. He herxes really bad, and he is herxing right now because he just started his intense Bartonella treatment.
I warned him that the herx might manifest as crying, suicidal thoughts, anger, annoyance and that he might really feel like he dislikes me.
I kept trying to reach through to the real man that he is.
The funny, loving, Christian man that he really is.
I don't want him to regret this, but I can't handle being called a f'..... b'.........
(and all the other swear words he says to me and calls me.)
He also says that he can't stand his mom and brother, and they are both okay, leave us alone, and aren't worthy of that sentiment.
Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
Thanks everyone.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Hugs and love, missing. I feel really bad for the both of you because you are suffering so much.
I will keep you in prayer too.
Posted by Arkie-hinny (Member # 26546) on :
He's at his wits end, God love him! And you are tried and true....he's obviously so frustrated. Gosh, I don't know what to say except that it won't always feel this bad. It's not YOU, it's HIM. You cannot internalize his lashings and moods because they really aren't directed at you.
My Mom used to say "Tomorrow will be better". I now believe her...
Posted by karenl (Member # 17753) on :
missing,
he needs time and be alone at the moment. Don't push him. Try not to call him, it is too much now.
You have been perfect but that might made him also feel bad, because he is not.
Sometimes in difficult times it is better to separate, a year later this might be different.
If he acts autistic now even your love is too much for him, they want to be alone and not talk. As he is sick I would respect it and do not take it personal it is his disease.
Posted by Hambone (Member # 29535) on :
If I were there, I'd totally be splitting a carton of ice cream with you right now and lending you a shoulder and an ear.
{{{{But here's a cyber hug}}}}}
God just has so much faith in us that we can handle Lyme and this crap on top of it....sigh :/
Posted by scorpiogirl (Member # 31907) on :
Missing,
I'm so sorry for your pain. You didn't drive him away, so therefore there is nothing you can do to bring him back. Let him go.
Sending prayers your way. May God's love, peace and grace carry you through your time of need. God Bless.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
quote:Originally posted by scorpiogirl:
I'm so sorry for your pain. You didn't drive him away, so therefore there is nothing you can do to bring him back.
- Very true.
Posted by DKat (Member # 30941) on :
missing...I'm so sorry you are & have been going through so much. Sometimes the pain can come from many directions.
Though weeping endures for a night joy comes with the morning. I'm praying for you that this night will be short.
You are strong to have put on your best face and worked and loved through all your own pain. Keep fighting....it may feel it, but you are not alone.
Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
My thoughts and prayers are with you Missing. I'm so sorry for both of you.
Posted by map1131 (Member # 2022) on :
missing, I'm so sorry for your pain. Maybe tomorrow I can find some words of comfort for your situation.
Pam
Posted by katiebobatie (Member # 28753) on :
wow, it sounds like your entire family has been hit rough i hope somehow it all works out for you...
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
he needs time and be alone at the moment. Don't push him. Try not to call him, it is too much now.
You have been perfect but that might made him also feel bad, because he is not.
Sometimes in difficult times it is better to separate, a year later this might be different.
If he acts autistic now even your love is too much for him, they want to be alone and not talk. As he is sick I would respect it and do not take it personal it is his disease. "
AND MY THOUGHTS:
and sometimes it is right to separate...it was the right thing for me. i was better off. he was better off. our kids were better off. i never would have thoght divorce could end up a good thing but for us it did
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
I like Karen's advice too - it might really be describing him during this time. In the meantime, you need to take care of you and your daughter.
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
I certainly feel your pain.
I am dealing with a similar situation right now.
Prayers to you for peace and healing.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
Posted by nefferdun (Member # 20157) on :
I feel really bad for you but I think you need and deserve some peace yourself. Put yourself first for a while. He needs to learn the door can be locked from the other side. When he understands that you value yourself, that will help him control his impulses better and not say or do thoughtless and even abusive things.
We are all sick and we all have moments when it gets the best of us. But we are all capable of apologizing. It sounds to me like more is going on than bartonella rage. It is better to face this now rather than later. It is a lot like lyme - treatment sucks but it is better than the alternative.
Posted by norcal (Member # 29829) on :
Im praying for both of you to get well and reconcile.
Posted by missing (Member # 22437) on :
Thanks, He came back.
I wrote another post about it all.
What wonderful support here.
He is trying to catch up on all the housework.
We are both working tons.
WE both collapse and cry alot.
His mom could care less.
WE would have no money for meds and for LLMD appointments if we didn't work.
I have the type of job where you never get a day off!
We are worn and weary to the bone.
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
So glad he is back. Your list of troubles is enough to break anyone. You are a doll to be so understanding.
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
i hope somehow it all works out for you...