This is topic Lost my husband, he is gone in forum General Support at LymeNet Flash.


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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
I finally got help logging back on to lymenet after a very long time.

I lost my husband just ten day before our 1st aniversary over a week ago. He had an accident and was ejected from a crane while doing upstate repairs from hurrican irene.

The trauma center said there were no broken bones but they gave him dilaudid for the pain and he went into repiratory failure on the third day. They had to put him on a respirator and told me they coudl wean him a day or two.

He developed a fever I told them to test for lyme. He was positive for lyme babs and bart and a staph infection. They said it was the least of his issues but they treated him with all the abx at one through a central line in his neck.

He was not able to be weaned after two weeks so they put a trach in his neck and said he would be sitting in a chair the next day. That night, 100 miles away in a hotel, I got the call that said "Ms S, Joseph went into cardiac arrest and expired!" That was all he said to me.

I no longer have any lyme treatment or anyway of getting to a lyme doctor since my vertigo keeps me from driving or even walking. I managed to have a wake and funeral with the help of xanax, a cane, and my girls.

I am so sick still, no treatment, no money to even buy food now and will probably have to find a way to empty my house and sell it. SSD decided to review my case again after only a few months of receiving benefits. I have a phone interview on monday.

My husbands ex and his boys are doing everythign they can to make my life harder. They took all the bank books and upstate property and vehicles that he owned since the will was never updated.

I called a malpractice lawyer concering my husband since so so many things were done wrong. THey want me to bring his body back up for an autopsy! I cannot do this so only God knows what really happened. I was told by a nurse that his trach developed a blot clot and he couldnt breathe. They suctioned him (most likely too late) and his heart stopped.

Sorry for the long story but I want to die. I have nothting to live for anymore and I sit here alone in this house and think of how horrible his death had to be, alone, tied down and drowning without being ablt to talk for help.

I give up on everything and life

[ 10-26-2011, 10:43 AM: Message edited by: Lymetoo ]
 

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Posted by TxCoord (Member # 9204) on :
 
Silver and I are so sorry for your loss. May God watch over you and your family at this time.
 

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Posted by lost11 (Member # 34607) on :
 
Anne..I am very Sorry to read this. Hang in there please..I've been feeling real down myself and have not been through nearly the exp you have. I'm hear to listen if you need a friend. Best wishes..

Maria.
 

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Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
 
Annier,

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You and your family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Take care and God bless.
 

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Posted by tdtid (Member # 10276) on :
 
Annier, I am so very sorry to read this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs!!!!

Cathy
 

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Posted by momintexas (Member # 23391) on :
 
Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss and all of the troubles you are having.

My thoughts are with you.
 

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Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
 
This is so tragic and beyond sad. I'm so sorry, Annie. May God hold your hand and comfort you. God bless you as you travel this long valley.

Is there any way you could get a lawyer so you can get some of the property back? You WERE legally married, right? So you DO have some rights.

Please stay with us. We will do what we can for you. Do you have any immediate needs?
 

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Posted by Jane2904 (Member # 15917) on :
 
So sorry for your tragic loss.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
 

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Posted by Garbagedump (Member # 26546) on :
 
This is such sad news. My message for annie is please don't give up now. You've come too far to stop. It won't feel this awful forever. You have too much to share to check out on us. You are very much appreciated in this life. Hang on by a thread until it becomes more sturdy.

We care about you.
 

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Posted by mom2kids (Member # 31972) on :
 
I am so sorry for all that you have been through and my thoughts are with you.
 

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Posted by kam (Member # 3410) on :
 
Ouch
 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
I wish there was something to say that will help. I'm so sorry. I will pray for complete restoration of your health, your property and wealth, and healing the grief over the loss of your husband.
 

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Posted by payne (Member # 26248) on :
 
ann,
Hope and prayers in your hardship and finding the path, The Lord has layed out for you.
Please seek the Lord and His Glory in all things... may your life take a change that comforts you and brings meaning to you.
Find the rock, and be stronger then you have ever been ... wayne
 

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Posted by kidsgotlyme (Member # 23691) on :
 
I'm so sorry for your loss.
 

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Posted by Carol in PA (Member # 5338) on :
 
Oh dear, this is awful.
I am so sorry about your husband.
 

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Posted by LymeGoAway (Member # 25041) on :
 
I'm so sorry. Lymetoo is right--as his wife, you have certain rights under the law. You need to find a lawyer to help you.
 

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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
 
I am so sorry for you. One word of advice. If they took these possessions before you have or had the will probated they are in violation of a court peer, the will. How did they get these items.' did he give them to them.' if not you can have your lawyer force them to give them back. I would suggest locking the house and chAnging locks. Also put papers and valuables in a box with hour name on it
 

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Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
 
annier,

I am so deeply sorry for your tragic loss.

I will pray for all your needs to be met, for you to find all the strength and comfort you need, and for restoration of your health.

It may seem like you are alone, but God is right there with you, holding you up when you cannot do it yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AreljjJEevs
 

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Posted by penguingirl (Member # 28688) on :
 
So sorry for your loss and your situation.

Praying that you do not give up - please do everything you can to fight for your life and fight for your rights.
 

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Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :
 
This is beyond tragic. I am so, so very sorry.

Find comfort in anything you can. I've read that the spirits of those who love us are still able to comfort us. Please do not focus on his death. That is over. He is in a place of peace and love, and I know he would want you to focus on that.

The pain will lessen with time, and you will find ways to treat your Lyme. One day at a time for now.

Much love,
BoxerMom
 

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Posted by merrygirl (Member # 12041) on :
 
sorry doesnt cut it. Its really awful.. I am so sorry. I would be lost without my husband. My thoughts are with you.
 

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Posted by ktkdommer (Member # 29020) on :
 
You must be heartbroken. I'm sure he would want you to fight the fight. I'm sorry for your loss and complicated family matters.
Take care of yourself!
 

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Posted by blinkie (Member # 14470) on :
 
I'm so sad to hear your story. Please, please, if you have never done so before, please seek God out to get you through this time. He is the only way one can find peace to keep moving forward when your life has crumbled before you.

Take one day at a time too. I'm going to pray for you, ok. Just, please don't give up. We never know what God is doing, but he is using our misery for ministry somewhere, to reach someone.
 

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Posted by dmc (Member # 5102) on :
 
I'm so sorry to hear your tragedy. Will pray for you. My condolences on the loss of your husband.
 

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Posted by fourwinds (Member # 14114) on :
 
Please know I will be praying for you....how terrible and tragic.

Lean on Him for strength...
 

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Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
 
Praying for you. I'm so very very, sorry.
 

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Posted by Abxnomore (Member # 18936) on :
 
I'm very, very sad to know that you are experiencing such deep pain and have suffered such a terrible loss. We are here for you Ann-- your Lymenet friends.


 

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Posted by daisyrlb (Member # 15686) on :
 
Annier, So very sorry for your great loss. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through. So tragic. If it were possible I'd reach in this computer and hug you. I'm praying for you.
 

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Posted by nonna05 (Member # 33557) on :
 
Lord Annie, I'm so ,so sad and mad that you are having to go through this.. I have a bit of this happening now in my life. BUT for the Grace of God.........
I hope you're connected to a church or group locally.... I know you're down to your last thread, please hold on...
It seems like every thing possible has hit you. I pray with Blinkie, that the Lord is in your life..

Was he seperated from his ex long??? .In other words was there time and space between marriages to show your rights as a wife??/ Also the probate issue might be good that they can't walk away with everything. Do you have a copy of this "WILL". I'm no lawyer but maybe one will help through church or contingent.

Food? are you well enough to go to the help organizations? Is there family anywhere for you.

Age will have alot to do about what's available etc. You can PM me if you want. I've been around ,through and over some very rough valley's..

You are LOVED.....Nonna
 

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Posted by lymeinhell (Member # 4622) on :
 
I am truly sorry for your loss.

There are times when mere words seem so insufficient...

Please know that we are here for you.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Thank yoiu all for your prayers and kind words. I am still numb one minute, angry at him the next minute, and panicking and sobbing on the floor half the day.

He was my rock, kept me sane and kept me going. I miss hearing I love you every five seconds and having him cover me at night when he thought I was sleeping.

He was separated since 1998, legally divorced in 2001 and we were together since january 2000. We just married last year and were ten days short of our anniversary when he passed.

He had not updated the will from way back so the upstate property goes to his boys along with the life insurance, annuity etc..That is ok with me. I have the house we were in but with a HUGE mortgage on it. I doubt I will be able to handle it but I am so sick that it is taking me all day to get rid of just a few things.

I am not able to get to a church or any group and I so wish I could. I need to talk to someone fast. I cannot even get to my own doc appts now without him to drive me.

My daughtesr are getting me tomorrow to spend the weekend in brooklyn with them in my old apartment. They want me out of queens and back with the family but sellign a house is a long process and I dont have the strength to undo all we put together here in the last few years.

I lay in the dark at night and talk to my husband and ask him for some sign that the is by my side. It is strange but our kitty stares up at the ceiling all the time now and I feel she sees or senses he is with us. I can only pray that he is.
 

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Posted by DKat (Member # 30941) on :
 
annier,

Thank you for posting. I am so sorry for what you're going through.

I'm thankful your daughters will be with you (& kitty) for the weekend. You'll need support and hugs now.

You are in our prayers. Know the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.
 

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Posted by LymeGoAway (Member # 25041) on :
 
Annier,

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you must be going through.

I just wanted to let you know that if your husband made the will while he was still married to his first wife, the divorce may have invalidated it. You need to check with an attorney.
 

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Posted by skies (Member # 28064) on :
 
I just don't have any words.. I'm so sorry. Try with all your might to hold on, one day, one minute at a time! May God bless you.
 

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Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
 
annier,

Please call any church that you wish and ask for the pastor/priest to make a home visit to you.

Explain that you are very sick and just lost your husband.

Any good church will respond to that need.

I am continuing to pray for you, dear.

Our Lord knows the heartbreak you are feeling.

He is there with you always and He will get you through this.

Your husband obviously loved you very much.
 

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Posted by fflutterby (Member # 28081) on :
 
So sad, Praying for you Annier !!!
 

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Posted by seibertneurolyme (Member # 6416) on :
 
So sorry for your loss. And yes, I agree that you should call a church in the area even if you are not a member there. Or some hospitals have volunteer chaplain services and could probably find you someone to talk to.

And please consult a lawyer -- someone should be willing to at least talk to you at no charge for a brief visit.

As to the will -- a lot depends on what state you are in. Hubby is a CPA and he went to a very interesting seminar years ago regarding estates and probate. Afterwards he was able to talk his grandfather into going to a lawyer and writing a will.

His grandfather was an oldtime tobacco farmer with a 3rd grade education. He thought he could leave all of his property to his own children and nothing to his 2nd wife (he had been widowed) and the 2nd wife had kids by a previous marriage.

In North Carolina the law used to be that a wife was entitled to a child's portion of the estate which was considered one-sixth of the property value -- REGARDLESS OF HOW THE WILL WAS WRITTEN. Unless there was a valid reason he could not disinherit his wife in favor of his kids.

I have no idea of the estate laws in the state where you live. But it is possible that you might be entitled to a portion of the other assets besides the house regardless of what the old will says.

And a lawyer could advise you regarding the possible autopsy. There may be a legal case against the hospital.

I didn't understand if your husband was on the job or working on his own property when he died. If he was on the job there could be a worker's comp claim involved.

Also -- I think social security is reviewing way more cases than usual to try to cut funding. Hubby just got his letter as well. If you haven't been to a doctor that will make your case tougher, but I would explain the current situation and ask for more time so you can get to an LLMD and have those office notes on file when your case is reviewed.

And please don't give up on yourself -- I am sure your husband would not want you to do that.

Bea Seibert
 

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Posted by lymeladyinNY (Member # 10235) on :
 
I am deeply sorry that you've lost your dear husband with whom you shared a great love. I'm grateful you have daughters who seem to want to help.

I imagine you MUST have some rights here, and I'm so sorry your husband's ex and sons swooped right in. Couldn't they have waited at least?

I'm so, so sorry!!
 

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Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Dekrator48:

Please call any church that you wish and ask for the pastor/priest to make a home visit to you.

Explain that you are very sick and just lost your husband.

Any good church will respond to that need.

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quote:

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Originally posted by AlanaSuzanne:
I ask that you all contribute to the Green Santa program to help Annie in whatever way you can.

Being widowed is hell. Having Lyme/cos is hell. Having kids on top of that and having difficulty keeping a roof over your head is a special kind of hell when you no longer have your spouse.

Prayers are great and I'd urge everyone to keep them coming.

From a practical standpoint, this lady needs a lot more than our prayers. She needs help meeting her and her daughters' basic needs. She has LD and is sick like so many of us here.

If you can help this lady in ANY capacity, I'd suggest that you contact Julie (aka the guardian angel of LN) and volunteer extraordinaire of the Green Santa program.

Or if you prefer, you can PM me.

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First and foremost - I am so sorry for you loss and the hardship you are having to endure. I cannot imagine what you are going through and I will pray for your family.

Alana- it is very kind of you to want to help this family out - If you want to be in charge of helping her at Christmas that is fine.

But as far as Operation Green Santa goes, it must go through me. I know you just want to help her and I would be happy to put her and her children on the Green Santa list (with her permission). But it will get confusing to people if you are asking them to help with Green Santa, but pm'ing you for this family.

I try to be fair and make sure that each family gets equal Santa's, etc. and it will be impossible for me to keep track this way.

It is so hard to write a post explaining this; I hope you understand what I am saying. I think you are very kind wanting to help

If I put this family on the Green Santa list, they will have to contact me directly. If others want to help this family, it will be outside of Operation Green Santa and they will have to contact Alana. If people want to help others in the Green Santa program, they should contact me.

Julie
 

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Posted by bcb1200 (Member # 25745) on :
 
So sorry to hear this.


Hugs to you.

 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Julie

I am sorry that Alana's request is causing a problem. You do not have to put me on this list.I dont want to get anyone into trouble.

THank you for your offering to help me. I am trying to stay afloat and began to sell everyting in my home. I told my family already that we cannot have xmas gifts anymore. We will just go to the cemetery and celebrate with my husband. They understand. Ann
 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
OMG Annier, of course your family understands, but no one wants you to go without Christmas gifts. I really don't think Julie meant to imply that helping you was a problem. I think she's trying to make sure neither you, nor anyone else gets overlooked. We are just all so sorry for you.
 

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Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
 
It is NOT causing a problem, Annie!!!! Julie works hard to keep things straight and cannot take on a donation fund as well.

She wants to help you with Christmas gifts. Your children deserve this help!!!

Please PM Julie and let her help!
 

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Posted by lou (Member # 81) on :
 
If you have a huge mortgage on the house, I am wondering if you still have any equity in the house, because of the decline in house values the last couple of years.

If you don't want to stay in the house, or can't because the house payments are too much, one alternative is to walk away and let the bank take it. They will foreclose and it will hurt your credit, so there are also reasons not to do this.

Depends on your situation and what you want to do. Probably very hard to think or plan at this point.

If you want to stay and the payments are too much, there is a govt program to help refinance the house and lower the payments. Have heard that it doesn't help as many people as they originally hoped it would, and there are hoops to jump thru, but if you are consulting professional help, this would be one thing to look into.
 

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Posted by scorpiogirl (Member # 31907) on :
 
Wow and we think we had it bad. I'm so sorry for your loss! I'm sorry you're having to go through all this alone!
 

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Posted by DKat (Member # 30941) on :
 
annier,

You are carrying a heavy enough load right now.

Please don't let us 'thinking out loud' on here sound wrong or uncaring to you.

This is just the opposite. Many of us would like to help you in whatever way we can.

If we all lived in the same neighborhood, we could bring meals, slip $10. under your door or whatever.

It gets so big because we do care and we are so dispersed.

You are in our prayers and thoughts. We need to help each other, we're in this together.
 

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Posted by 17hens (Member # 23747) on :
 
Oh my, Annie. There are no words. I'm so very sorry.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Dkat...God bless you for your thoughts. I am just in such pain emotionally now. I know that one day I will be with my husband again, pain and dizzy free and we will enjoy each other for eternity. That is all I need right now, is my dreams.
 

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Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
 
I am so sorry. May the Holy Spirit be your comforter in the days ahead.
 

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Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
 
I just read through this - am very sorry for what you're going through -

I hope you will at least be getting help to get to the doctor as needed, whether it be through your daughters, or maybe some help from a local NY Lyme support group? They would be listed with Support Groups.
 

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Posted by Julie2763 (Member # 2841) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by annier1071:
Julie

I am sorry that Alana's request is causing a problem. You do not have to put me on this list.I dont want to get anyone into trouble.

THank you for your offering to help me. I am trying to stay afloat and began to sell everyting in my home. I told my family already that we cannot have xmas gifts anymore. We will just go to the cemetery and celebrate with my husband. They understand. Ann

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It isn't a problem to put your family on the Green Santa list at all. I was just trying to let Alana and others know that if they want to help you specifically, then it needs to be done another way.

Sorry my post was misunderstood - I really tried to word it so that it wouldn't get misread.

Julie
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Robin

I got to my GP with my daughter but they have taken off too many days already while my husband was in ICU upstate. They would not let me stay alone up there in a hotel.

I am not going to my lyme doctor. THere is not way in this world I could lay out that money ever. I just have to hope for the best right now.

I have been putting many things on amazon and ebay and making a small amount of money, but it helps right now. I am figuring it will be just a few months before I lose the house..hoping it is after the cold winter ahead!

God has to have some relief ahead for me. This cant be my life now.
 

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Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
 
Annier, you're in my thoughts and prayers.


 

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Posted by fflutterby (Member # 28081) on :
 
Annier, may God wrap His loving arms around you through this. I am still praying for you, and will continue to do so.


 

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Posted by Rumigirl (Member # 15091) on :
 
Annie,

I just saw this thread now. OMG, i was worried about you before . . . but this is beyond the beyond!!! I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. This, on top of what you were dealing with already, due to the Lyme, etc., has to be unbearable. And his ex's family, yikes! You need the help of an excellent lawyer ASAP. ANd surely they would be willing to do a phone consult or house call under the circumstances. Get a referral for someone who is good with this kind of case.

You need lots of help of every variety right now, as people have been suggesting. Please don't be shy about asking for it, be it here, from a lawyer, from a church, etc.

You also need to look into tapping into your husband's social security benefits, unless that isn't possible yet, due to his age (I don't know how that works). Here again, a good lawyer could help, or a social worker, or both would be good. A good social worker could help you to tap into whatever social agencies could help right now and on-going.

As people have said, you also need the help of a lawyer in a malpractice lawsuit, too. That might be a different lawyer from the will issue.

Make sure that you have a good SSDI lawyer to help on that front, too. Wow, you need someone to help on every front---what an assault! Lord have mercy on you.

Yes, call a church and see how they can help, as it is way too much for you to do all by yourself. Plus, you need someone to help you get to your dr appointments, etc. What about Access-a-Ride for that? I'm sure that you are eligible for that. Or do you need even more help than that to negotiate getting from the vehicle to the building, etc.?

Oh, and on the LLMD issue, I will PM you in the next day or so with some ideas I have on how to deal with that. That shouldn't be neglected, but you don't have to go back to the same one.

Lord lift her up! And all of us lift you up, too.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Rum

Thank you so much for all the advice. I cancelled my lyme doc appt for tues..there is no way I can afford to see him anymore or even to get there.

I had applied for access a ride last years and was denied (hard to believe but true!) I called SSD and I am entitled to 71% of my husbands SS benefits since I just turned 50 and am disabled. It is minimal but it is something.

I called the councilman here and they sent me papers for disabiliy tax exemption papers for the house. There is so much involved in doing them and I am half a brain anyway now...but will try.

I had a two malpractice lawyers who have now decided not to take the case. They said since there was no autopsy (I never knew they didnt do one and never even thought of it at the time) it would be too hard to prove the overdose of the drug. God has to give me strength because we all know that the hospital caused his death. he was fine until this med was given to him and now he is gone from us.

I have to see what a probate lawyer costs (looking for the cheap ones) to contest the will. His ex got everything and took everything from me except this house that is under our names but newly mortgaged so I am sure she wouldnt want this one. I just cant think of fighting right now for any of my rights but I think I have to get the strength.

I need prayers right now to even go on. Luv Ann
 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
You may want to call the bar association for your state, maybe a law school, maybe some big law firms around and ask if they do any pro bono (free) work for those in need. That would be ideal. Sometimes bigger law firms can better afford to do pro bono work and you can get a top notch lawyer for free

I just googled "new York pro bono attorneys" and there were a lot of links. Many of them were directed at lawyers wanting to do pro bono work but you could still call them to get information and/or ask for a referral. Heres one link but there were several. http://www.probono.net/ny/nyc/

I sure hope you can find someone to help out here.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Jlp.

I got legal shield from the internet..25 dollars a month and they give you a contact number and claim number to a local law firm..Mine is in suffolk county.

I hope I am not being scammed but the seem to be legit from what I have read. The regular lawyers wanted 750 an hour!!! I couldnt talk that fast!
 

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Posted by lou (Member # 81) on :
 
Here is a link with some information about inheritance laws in NY:

http://www.jdbar.com/Articles/inheritance-rights.html
 

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Posted by Abxnomore (Member # 18936) on :
 
Good find. I mentioned in a previous post that under NY state law a spouse cannot disinherit his wife.

The real question is did his will still name his previous wife in it. If it did I am sure that will, will be deemed null and void as it relates to the ex-wife, as she is no longer the legal spouse.

The children will be entitled to their share but the courts will have to decide, since there was not an updated will since your marriage, how the estate will be divided under the law of New York State.

In effect, the old will cannot be followed to the letter, as it's in violation of the law.
 

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Posted by blownelk (Member # 27078) on :
 
I'm praying for you today. I wish I could do more.
 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
Hoping and praying it all works out. May you receive your fair portion of his estate and may you have complete healing of your body and your heart!
 

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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
 
just for information. my husband's friend was married a while ago, divorced and got a new wife.

died within a couple of years. did not update any personal information.

the old will left everything to his first wife. even his insurance policies were made out to her.

new wife sued, lost. first wife took everything including the stuff that was in joint name. reason: she owned his half and since the new wife did not have enough money to buy her out, she had to sell and give her the money.

crazy but that's what happened.

as soon as i got married (he had a first wife and two kids), i made him redo that will and insurance policies. i got nosey and had the checking accounts, house, etc., everything change. i looked into old credit cards, you name it.

now everything is made out to me, as it should be.

so for what's it worth, the courts and lawyers cannot always help. sorry but it's true.
 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
Randi - each state has different laws. So I wouldn't want Annie to feel discouraged over something that happened in another state.
 

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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
 
you're absolutely right. this guy was from ohio.

i live in texas, a community property state.
 

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Posted by GiGi (Member # 259) on :
 
All the best to you. It is hard. But time heals. And the memory lives.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Thank you all for the advice on lawyers. I have called a legal aid that is helping me.

Gigi...Why do I feel angry at him for leaving me when we just started our lives? It makes me feel so guilty and friday night is so lonely.
 

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Posted by katiebobatie (Member # 28753) on :
 
i am so so sooo sorry for your loss

losing your spouse when you don't have to worry about your own health is tragic enough... i can't imagine being in your sitution :'(

my heart just breaks for you, and i will keep you in prayers. things HAVE to get better for you soon... it seems like they can't get much worse.

please try to hang in there...
 

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Posted by Lyme Gypsy (Member # 8842) on :
 
I am so sorry for your loss. Healing & Peace.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
I went to the bank today and the manager came to me and told me that his exwife had a lawyer call there to ask how much money was in our accounts?

She said she would not give that info since our names were on them and not hers, but she said "what nerve she has!"

I cant take anymore, everywhere I go they tell me she has already been there filing paperwork. I have nothing, not a thing to live on right now and she wants even more!

All lawyers say that I am entitled to 1/3 even with the will since his two sons are named in it but now I am the spouse...but I cannot afford a lawyer..just legal aid and all they give is advice on the phone.

I cannot even grieve when all I do is live in fear of what is next. No more lyme treatments for me, all docs cancelled. I give up!
 

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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
 
i'd really like to get ahold of that ____tch...

honey, my first husband got another man's wife pregnant. i was so stupid. he left me and she divorced her husband. they got married 5 days after our divorce.

i had nothing. everything i had was in europe. all i had were the clothes on my back. i stayed at my mom and dad's until he threw me out. great....

i finally got a job, a tiny tiny apartment (only cost 150 a month now that's small)...i slept on the floor in front of the door, i was that terrified. i was only making about 6 grand a year and had to buy a car, etc.

thank god i got a good lawyer. i took him to the cleaners. but he tried everything in the book but i won at least some money. never got the furniture back or other stuff.

i could tell you stories that would make your hair curl. like him calling my parents!!! grrrr.

but it paid off, she left him and took half of his retirement and all. so he got what he deserved.

bottom line -- you'll have to stand up hon. it's tough, god, i know it is, i have been there. you'll have to fight for every penny. but research, learn, ask friends, ministers, anybody. the information is out there. sometimes a teaching law school or something might help.

maybe somebody at church. the local women's shelter is a great resource.

my lawyer fees were only 1200 and he waited until it was all settled. bless his heart...

whatever you do, don't give up. yell, scream, cry, let it out.

but go after her. you have to. i learned the hard way and maybe it's what made me what i am today. but don't give up.

and start digging in your husband's papers, his business, anything you can think of, insurance company, health insurance, home owners, credit cards, military records, bank records, anything.

you'll learn. and get those locks on the house changed asap.
 

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Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
 
Ann,

I'm so sorry you are going through all this.

Is it possible to find a lawyer who will not charge you by the hour, but will charge a percentage of whatever you win?

This way, they collect when it's all over.

Sometimes lawyers will give a choice of which way you want to pay.

Praying for you to find all the answers you need, and to receive all the strength and resources you need to get through this.



 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
Ann - please call the bank manager and ask her to write down what happened. You need it all in writing. It's best to get her to write it and date it now before she can be accused of forgetting the details.

Legal aid is great but you need a lawyer. Do you have a friend or relative who can help you call around and look for a lawyer who will work pro bono or at least on a contingency (they only collect when/if you win).
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
I have to thank those who sent me messages and gifts. You made me smile and feel so blessed that you even thought of me at this time.

I managed to get a lawyer who was happy to take the case for me. He said, after reading my husbands divorce decree that it states his wife may never serve as an executor of his will in the event of his death.

He is checkign the courts here and upstate to see
if she filed to probate his will. If so, she is in violation of the will and it is moot. I will then have to file an objection in court and take control of the will. It sounds like it is going to be messing as the lawyer stated but pretty straight forward. I wish it didnt have to be this way. It scares me and feels so wrong.

The lawyer will take his 5% at the end of all that is collected in his estate (he said 15-20 thousand to pay them!) but it will take a long time.

Thanx for all your advice and support. I really needed it.
 

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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
 
i'm so glad for you. it sounds like he knows what he is doing.

you've got a long road ahead but be strong. you can do this.

from someone who KNOWS......
 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
Ann, it may feel wrong, because it is wrong. But keep in mind, it is HER that is wrong. You are only defending your rights. Maybe now that you have a lawyer, you can take your mind off this a little.

Praying for you to find some joy this holiday season.
 

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Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
 
Ann,

That is great news that you have a lawyer who can help you and that it looks like the tide has turned in your favor.

Please hang in there so you can get what is due to you. Do not feel bad about receiving what is really yours.

Just keep praying, trusting and believing!


Philippians 4:6-9(NIV)

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
 

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Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by jlp38:
Ann, it may feel wrong, because it is wrong. But keep in mind, it is HER that is wrong. You are only defending your rights. Maybe now that you have a lawyer, you can take your mind off this a little.

Praying for you to find some joy this holiday season.

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Amen to that!!

"..if she filed to probate his will. If so, she is in violation of the will and it is moot."

That would be great and it wouldn't surprise me one bit for her to do that!
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Oh God, Why me?
I got a letter in the mail today from the ex lawyer and it contained the will. My husband wrote this will in 2006 right after his disability retirement. I remember that they would not allow him to declare the 18K in taxes from his upstate property since he made so little money, so he added his son to the deed up there (it was always going to them anyway) so that his son could use the tax deduction.

We were not yet engaged at this time, but seeing each other exclusively. He did not put my name in the will at that time and gave everything "property and personal affects to his two sons". He left his ex wife "in trust" of the money so they wont waste it (all legal) and made the boys executors (also legal).

I have to fight now for my "right to election" as his spouse to get anything at all. I think i keep just the house i am in now and lose all money from any bank accts etc.

I had such a rough week with feeling so sick and in pain on thanksgiving plus crying all day because he was not there. Now I open this letter today. I have till dec 6 to sign away everything. My daughter is in contact with a lawyer from manhattan and he is going to review the will on monday.

PLEASE PRAY for me. I have never felt so lost in all my life. God bless those on here who have helped me in all ways! You are the only ones in my life, beside my children, that give me a reason to live. ann
 

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Posted by DKat (Member # 30941) on :
 
I'm so sorry you are going through all this pain. You are in my prayers for the Lord to lead you to victory through this battle and give you healing peace.

Your daughter is good to help you. It's right to lean on your children at this time and know that we are holding you up in prayer. You will make it through!
 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
Oh sweetie ... It will get better. It has to.
 

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Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
 
Ann,

I am praying for you!

God has a plan for you, it just isn't apparent yet.

I agree...let your children help you as much as possible right now.

You WILL make it through all of this.

God will hold your head above the water when it feels like you are sinking....and we will be your floaties.

Do not give up!! With time, you will come out of this stronger than before.

Praying, praying, praying for you, Ann!


 

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Posted by jlp38 (Member # 27221) on :
 
Oh sweetie ... It will get better. It has to.
 

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Posted by Cracker Jack (Member # 34734) on :
 
Sorry for your loss. Prayers.
 

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Posted by seibertneurolyme (Member # 6416) on :
 
Ann,

The letter you got really doesn't change much from what you already knew. The bottom line is that to settle an estate all assets and liabilities are listed. In this case the property would only be listed at 50% of the value if only one son is on the deed or at 33% if both sons are on the deed. The judge may require that the property be appraised so at this point a value probably cannot be assigned to all the assets.

You should not sign anything until a lawyer tells you to.

Sometimes property has to be sold to divide assets. If you are entitled to 1/3 of the estate or whatever amount as the spouse this includes a share in the property. Until the estate is valued you don't know how much cash is available. You could keep a share of the property or the son would have to buy out your share and the money goes into the pot that gets divided up. The same goes for any vehicles.

The big problem is that all that takes time. But a lawyer should be able to get you an advance against the estate assets if there was cash in the bank so you can pay current bills. But vehicles and other major assets probably cannot be sold without the approval of the judge.

Keep looking for a lawyer to help. It sounds like you will need one since the will is not valid.

Bea Seibert
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Bea


Thank you for that info...He had not money left in the bank so no advance I guess.

I have a large mortgage on this house so many have said that his ex will probably just settle in giving me this house since she has three mortgage free upstate and the house he gave her here in the city for their divorce..She owes nothing on any of them. I am praying she agrees.

It does state in the will that his funeral expenses are to be paid by the estate so I hoep I get the 18K back I have on credit cards for his funeral. At leat that would give me some credit left to see my lyme doc again.
 

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Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
 
it sounds like she's vindicative enough to go after your house, even if she doesn't want it. be prepared for this.

i know you may not want to consider this, but stay in the house as long as possible, then maybe a nice condo or apartment.

and yes you can present the funeral bills to the court for payment by the estate. it might mean less for you eventually but then you might get something back.

may i ask why he didn't change things immediately, as soon as you got married?

i didn't realize my husband had marine corps life insurance and after we were married, oh less than a year, i found and was horrified to see his ex-wife's name on everything.

i went in and told him and he changed everything right then. he said "oh i forgot all about those things".

yeah right, she would have taken every single penny, you betcha...and there would have been nothing i could do.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Randi...we were married ten days short of a year when he died. He kept saying he had to make a new will but was always engrossed taking care of me and fixing the problems at the upstate house.

He thought he was invincible. I filed my "right of election" to get my 1/3 of his estate today. The lawyer will get paid at the end from the esteat money.

Please pray that this goes smoothly. I am still dealing with the malpractice suit for the dilaudid that caused my husband to go into respiratory failure. I have years of problems ahead it seems and I am in so much pain again these days. Severe headaches are back and pain in every single joint and muscle....
 

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Posted by angelaw (Member # 34014) on :
 
honey~ I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you!

I pray that you'll feel our Heavenly father doing just that!

I pray that He sends MANY too you, to be HIS hands/feet~ to hold you up, love you up, and lift you up in prayer when you may be too weary to do so for yourself!

Praying you'll find a little more strength (body AND mind) for each new day!

I don't know you~ but I LOVE you! (my heart breaks for you!)

Sending love, hugs, & prayers!
 

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Posted by Abxnomore (Member # 18936) on :
 
Hi Annier,

I can't even begin to think about what you are going through and being so sick yourself. I'm very glad to know that you filed for your 1/3 of the estate. I knew that in NYS a man cannot disinherit his wife and that would hold true whether or not he had an updated will.

Hang in there. You know we are all thinking of you.
 

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Posted by aperture (Member # 34822) on :
 
Annier,

I will pray that God will hold you in the palm of his hand and comfort you during this time.
 

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Posted by Jennifer70 (Member # 30280) on :
 
Thinking of you Today and praying for you.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
I have not been on in weeks since I have been feeling so horrible and sad. I really need to thank you all again for your emails that you have been sending me and cards in the mail.

You all have kept me on this earth, God bless you for your help and prayers. Now I need to figure out what to do that is inexpensive to treat my lyme again. I am sooo dizzy and the anxiety is off the charts. Pain in knees and muscles again too.

Thank you and love you all Ann
 

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Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
 
LOVE YOU, ANN!!

HAVE A BLESSED HOLIDAY.


 

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Posted by Dekrator48 (Member # 18239) on :
 
Praying for you, Ann!!

First I would try diet to decrease inflammation(not sure if you are gluten free, sugar free, low fat).

Second I would add some exercise as you can tolerate.

Third, also decrease inflammation through lots of fish oil (like krill oil) if you are not already doing that.

Boost immune system through Vit D, Vit B Complex, and other supps like antioxidants....do search for immune boosting supps, etc.

Pray, pray, pray for peace, calmness, strength, and any other qualities you need.

Look to God every minute of every day to get you through. Flood yourself with His word and promises, so you will have hope.

Keep coming back here...we will be here for you.

Big hugs!!!
 

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Posted by fflutterby (Member # 28081) on :
 
Annie,

I am also praying that the Lord will wrap his loving arms around you and show you how much he loves you. I pray for a turnaround in your situation. I pray for a turnaround with your health as well.

God bless and stay close to the God.


 

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Posted by nonna05 (Member # 33557) on :
 
Lord I hope thing's are a bit better and GOD HAS SENT YOU SOME HELP.. Everything has to be so overwhelming and in the midst of your grief..I am so sorry for your pain.
Father God I pray you send warrior angels to guard and protect your daughter , NOW , pretty please. She is your daughter and needs her fathers help.. Come Lord come.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Nonna and flutter

So far things are the same.The lonliness is unbearable and his family will not speak to me unless it is through their lawyers.

I am blessed to have you all here for me and I joined an online bereavement site that has been so helpful. Thank you for your prayers and love.

Dekr..I am giving myself methl b12 shots still and taking 10K of D each day along with bcomplex.
I have no choice but to get excerise now. I have to drive (head spinning) to get two blocks and hang on for life to a cane and cart to pick up my medicines for blood pressure and vertigo. The walking causes such fatigue and leg pain. I thought by now my legs would have gotten stronger and the pain stopping, but it seems worse everyday?

I have always kept a gluten free, sugar free diet. To be honest, I do not really eat much of anything but green tea all day long.I am not sure what else to do now?
Thanks for all the advice. I will keep in all in mind. God bless you all, Ann
 

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Posted by TTLav (Member # 33232) on :
 
I am so very sorry about the loss of Ur Husband and everything else. The following are things that helped me last year--social security u can get due to Ur depression with ur PCP's help. Meet with a real estate lawyer and a bankruptcy lawyer at one appt this should be a free consultation. A good realtor can help you find good ones.--Bring all documentation of your debt they will advise you regarding Ur options --don't wait once a foreclosure happens the bank can take Ur house quickly--if u decide to sell u need to act quickly to make some money on the sale (depending on equity) I was able to keep my house through chapter 13 bankruptcy--96% of my debt was medical. Apply for food stamps and fuel assistance --the open food pantry and salvation army do provide free food --this is extremely humbling which was very hard for me--(but remember when you are able to give back you will ) I don't know about any estate things. But persue the malpractice get all documentation --as a nurse it is amazing the mistakes that can occur -- even look into legal nurse consultants their insight is much much better then a lawyers they know what to look for in a medical chart. pm me if u want --I will be praying for u + Ur family--!!!
 

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Posted by TTLav (Member # 33232) on :
 
Just a small addition-- I know a lot of the information that I gave you can not be addressed until after the estate... Any government programs that you apply for to get assistance to help you keep ur house does not freeze the foreclosure process (while you waiting for a decision to be made )- I was told it did but it does not my lawyer informed me -- u will get different answers depending on which government employe answers the phone --be careful.
 

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Posted by annier1071 (Member # 28977) on :
 
Thank you TTLAV for the info. I am collecting my husbands SSD now instead of mine which is more than mine was. So far I it is paying the mortgage and I have a tenant, thank God.

I know I cannot hold on for long though. If one thing breaks down I am sunk. I am trying to hold out to the spring to look into selling the house and hoping to use the small profit for a condo in brooklyn or maybe a rental. I did apply for the disabled tax rebate and hoping it works. Thank you so much
 

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