I feel alone. I know I am not suffering near the extent of so many others. I need to vent even if nobody reads this. I am so tired of taking this stupid antibiotics that make me feel like poo. I know I am getting better. I see and my family sees that I am better but this is so old. I am tired of dietary restrictions and feeling like an old woman when I am only 32. I am so fortunate to have been diagnosed properly. I know that. I have been on this protocol for over 2 years now and it sucks. I wonder sometimes if I am crazy. Can I will my self to get better? I know I am not but I feel like I am. I would love to be the model patient that everyone admires. The girl that took her disease with such grace. Well guess what? I am not that girl, grrrr. I want to feel good again! I am sorry guys. Swinderswalt
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
hey there! Don't be such a stranger around here!! We are glad to help you not feel so alone.
I'm signing off for a bit, but stopped in to say hello.
I hope you have a good LLMD who is getting you well. It DOES take a long time!
Posted by Dogsandcats (Member # 28544) on :
"I would love to be that patient too that everyone admires!"
But I whine with the best of them and then pick myself back up and move to the next whine - a - thon....
Don't be sorry - be you! That is what this forum is for...
Sleep well...
Posted by linky123 (Member # 19974) on :
This is the place to come and whine. I've done my fair share and everyone here understands exactly what you are going through. You won't be judged here.
Sorry you are having a tough time. Lyme is no fun and it takes its toll even when we get better. I don't think there is anyone who gets through this without some whining.
Take care and God bless.
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Well, I think you have a right to complain. Funny thing, there are two women in my life that tell other people about how I don't handle my disease with "grace"...the way "Susie" does with her cancer.
I want to slap them. I know I'm handling it with grace. These people, I know, are toxic. People see what they want to see, don't worry about them.
You have every right to hate this and want it to stop. Those people truely don't see what you are going through.
Posted by jimmy1 (Member # 33504) on :
I agree with every one of you. This disease stinks. I have tried so hard to be upbeat and put a positive spin on things, but man oh man there are some harsh realities to this whole ordeal.
I'm not my normal happy self that my friends and family have come to rely on to cheer them up in their bad times. And even though I am blessed with good friends and loving family members, there are still way too many times when I feel lonely and misunderstood. It's the disease just messing with my brain. My very own brain that sometimes seems a stranger to me. Sheesh.
Blinkie, you are sooo right. Swinderswalt, don't be too hard on yourself. It's ok to mourn the (temporary) loss of your health and your life. You are among friends here.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Yes, this can be a very lonely experience, but here, everyone understands - you can tell your truth here - and each of us is going through this as we're going through it -
we're all different, we may have different illnesses, different strains, different responses to treatments - there is no one way to go through this - your way is your way and that's ok -
May I say - if you see that you're feeling gradually better, then maybe you will get to a place of doing better - it takes patience.
I like to include at least something in my day that I enjoy. I actually go looking for it, as in ask myself, self, are we finding something we enjoy? That's a we - me and the illness - sorry, I'm not one person yet!
Posted by swinderswalt (Member # 22016) on :
Thank you all so much for being so kind and responding. Each of your words meant so much to me. Today is a better day for me. This lyme is a roller coaster ride that is for sure. I hope you are all a step closer in your recovery and I also hope you know you helped a girl feel comforted. My apologies for the pitty party Cheers and God Bless!!
Posted by jackie51 (Member # 14233) on :
I'm not that girl either. Sometimes the depression with this disease hits me upside the head and I struggle to get through it. I don't even realize what hit me.
We have some kind of virus going through the house and it has slammed me. I get all sorts of PTSD when I get sick and I am literally scared to death.
Sometimes I think if chronic lyme was taken seriously, it would be so much easier to handle this with grace. Nobody knows how much we suffer. Maybe we actually are handling this with grace given the circumstances?
In the not too distant future, we will be vindicated. Just not today.
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