LymeNet Flash: left out and alone on holidays

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Posted by 2young2dieMom (Member # 25434) on :

How do you cope with holidays? Our family has recently decreased by 3 people (our parents) and now none of our siblings want to get together with us. I have a husband and teenage son.

I've been sick with lyme or als for a few years and everyone seems to be avoiding me. I try to be optimistic and never ask for help but I find myself alone much more than I want to be.

I can't believe our siblings don't care about us. How can family be so cruel? I always took care of them when they needed help.

Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :

That really stinks!! I'm very sorry to hear that they are avoiding you. I guess they have no clue how much it hurts.

All of my family is in another state. Hubby and I get pretty bored on holidays.

Thankfully, we do spend Christmas (or right after Christmas) with family.

Know you are loved by all of us!! [group hug]

Posted by angelp (Member # 36878) on :

Hi...I know what you mean, I walk with a cane now cause I'm too weak and too much pain in heels, and my sister hasn't even bothered to ask whats wrong or how do I feel. I guess its common to walk wiith a cane for 6 months..lol.

I find perfect strangers ask whats wrong, your too young to havee a cane etc. It's funny how family can be...sad but true.

I'm sorry you have to go through it also, but your not alone.

Posted by cozynana (Member # 34270) on :

It is cruel that our own families don't do more to help. I think some of it is just their personalities. Some are care givers and some aren't. We drew ones that are not. Just the luck of the draw. We should set up a conference call for those home alone on the holidays and share news about Lyme. It could make the day go faster and some of us could learn from others.

Posted by nonna05 (Member # 33557) on :

Young Mom..I know it's hard, but be very grateful you have hubby and son that care....

They aren't sick are they?

Your a new member, I keep forgetting I'm not at this point....
Some where in my brain I still hope that I will be able to redeem some of this lost time..
.
At 49 ,it hit, and I faked it and shored myself up with a bit of treatment from a Kaiser Doc who knew I was very sick, but didn't know with what.

Then I just crashed last Aug...and that's when diagnosed....

Lots of "STUFF" in between there,,but in my head I want to start there and enjoy some of what I missed.

Like time with Triplet Grand-daughter's...Well I can guarantee you they did not wait for me to get better.. silly girls just kept growing...almost 7 now [Wink]

But for the Grace of GOD !!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :

i know too. friends and family. i am learning to deal with alot of holidays...mostly by ignoring them and planning something special for myself. but mothers day and my birthday are really hard. all i ask for is cards from 4 kids and dont get them. i'm so upset i cant pick up the phone if they call cuz all i do is cry.

i dont know. but it probably makes sense to try to figure out what would be fun for the 3 of you and do that. start a new tradition...it sucks...but better that than dwelling on the negative

Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :

Yep, closest friends and family have barely noticed. They certainly don't say anything, unless it's to give us useless advice or imply that we are stupid. Fabulous.

Strangers are much better.

My husband and I quit family holidays even before our Lyme diagnoses, because they were so stressful for us. We do the holidays alone. It is boring and lame and we know we're not creating any great memories for down the road. That part really sucks.

lpkayak - I will send you birthday and mother's day cards. PM me your address. I'll include funny pictures of my dogs, who are complete hambones.

When we can afford it (HA!!), we plan to take a destination holiday. I've never been to Hawaii. We will be OFF meds and enjoying umbrella drinks on the beach. Someday...

Posted by BoxerMom (Member # 25251) on :

Be sure to log onto Lymenet on the holidays. There are always people around.

And don't let family members get away with avoiding you. Let them be uncomfortable, if that is the case. You deserve to be with your family.

And speak up regarding your needs. My in-laws have only known me as a low energy, no sleeping, restricted diet person, and I STILL have to remind them of my needs every time I see them. It's like they think I was cured since I last saw them. Or that I make this $#!T up.

I have to ask for breakfast foods (they eat carbs and I don't). And I have to ask for a bedroom, even if it means someone is bumped to the couch. The insomniac with apnea gets a bedroom, or she is a miserable sick zombie the next day!

And they don't mind a bit. It brings out the caretaker/problem solver in my MIL. She's more confused when she DOESN'T know what I need. If I don't ask, it inevitably goes badly.

You are not alone. You always have us.

[kiss]

Posted by MannaMe (Member # 33330) on :

We try to plan special little things just for our family on holidays. No, its not what everybody else is doing.........

But we are doing something! With younger children, even a picnic in the back yard is special. Letting them help make the sandwiches & mix up tea or lemonade is fun.

Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :

i live in texas and have no family here, maybe one or two friends. since mom died i've pretty much lost contact with my three sisters (one completely, the other two i talked to occasionally).

i don't go home for christmas or any holidays.

sadly cannot tolerate his family so i'm pretty much alone.

family can hurt you worse than any friend and the pain remains for years.

don't feel alone, you're not.

if it weren't for the few i support with the santa project i'd just pass on the whole christmas thing.

God bless my lyme friends here.