i can't let go of the anger i feel towards the many docs who passed me along to the next doc because they felt there was nothing wrong with me.
i'm angry at having to defend the fact that i'm not depressed.
i'm angry because i spent months on the couch without being treated while wasting medical leave. medical leave which is running out and i'm not well enough to return to work.
needed to vent, perhaps by doing so i can just let it go.
Posted by homesick73 (Member # 36551) on :
I know what you mean. I struggle with this all the time.
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- [Editing in afterward: Most of the time, I can read what I just wrote and it resonates. But, I look back and know that this was a long process. In case it helps to think of it another way . . . .]
I found the difference in acknowledging anger and carrying it.
I could not carry anger and also move along to do the things that I can then do for myself. No time, no space for that.
It's not gone, though. I recognize that I have anger over the slip-shod medical system regarding chronic infections, etc I can see so much that has been and is still wrong. Medical abuse of patients is wide-spread by many with the IDSA mindset.
Still, some doctors are just not aware. This is not taught in medical schools and it is a huge - just a huge - undertaking to become lyme literate. So, understanding of the complexities helps.
But I just can't let anger take up space. Yes, it's a terrible situation with much abuse and neglect. I just steer away now. I have to make an about face and figure out then:
What else can I do? How Else might this be approached, given my resources (even if seemingly absent)? Can I channel that same energy from the anger and turn it into persistence?
And, I just have to laugh reading that last sentence. Anger never had any energy for me but left me just so beaten up, so exhausted. The "energy" from anger never had any good vibes at all.
I have felt by "not going there" that as least it's not holding me hostage. Still, were I to be well, I'm sure I would redirect to help make major changes for others.
So, while I don't have the energy, you might want to help work with a lyme group to facilitate education and change. That's how we can stand up against the medical abuse. -
Posted by Keebler (Member # 12673) on :
- For those who would like to be more active and vocal, here are some top lyme advocacy organizations. Some are set up to welcome volunteers in various ways.
However - for those unable to become involved (as am I) - just KNOWING that these people in these groups work so hard is very encouraging to me. It is empowering and hopeful. All good words, all good feelings.
Each has some differences or focus, but they are all fully "lyme literate" and ILADS "minded" -- bringing them all together.
- Not an exclusive or formal list. Just the top organizations that came to mind. Remember STATE and LOCAL lyme support groups, too. - -
Posted by momindeep (Member # 7618) on :
So many of us on here feel/felt the same way...tossed around, dismissed, ridiculed, labeled, made to feel invisible, disrespected by self-righteous doctors, lectured, ignored, told we were crazy...the list is endless.
I wanted to go and blow several doctors to kingdom come for what they did to my sick daughter.
It still bugs me some not for my situation, but because it is STILL an issue for many. I just had to forgive them...they never deserved it, but I did it anyway because otherwise the hate would of eaten me alive...literally and I am quite serious about that.
So, I did myself a favor...I forgave them and let it go...doesn't mean I will forget, I will always be aware...but now I don't have it eating at me anymore.
Posted by twicebitten (Member # 5412) on :
I think we all have been through this, and continue to go through bouts of it when we must see the ignorant docs. It is very frustrating and I have drove 50 miles home on more than one occasion shaking from the rage. I'm sure I'd not want to know what my blood pressure was then.
I'm not sure what we can do but just go along and cope the best ways we can. Find an expressive outlet whether it's writing your feelings down in a journal, playing music, exercise, boxing, whatever. But, DON'T let those idiots make you worse by holding it all in.
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
I can't help but get so angry with people who don't believe in Lyme that I almost blow a gasket but hey doesn't do any good anyway
Posted by seibertneurolyme (Member # 6416) on :
munchin -- much better to acknowledge your feelings rather than to let them fester under the surface.
I agree with what the others have suggested -- find a way to move beyond your anger.
Take positive action -- something as simple as helping someone else on this forum is productive and can help keep you grounded.
There are lots of things that can be done to educate others -- write a letter to the editor or post a response to an online newspaper article about lyme -- whether you agree or disagree with the author the more responses the more exposure the articles get.
And if you keep it civil you can always write to prior physicians and send a copy of any positive test results (maybe white out the name of the ordering physician) and attempt to educate them.
Keebler -- Thanks for posting those links all in one spot.
Bea Seibert
Posted by Healerdealer (Member # 23032) on :
Thanks, Keebler and Sei for your insightful responses.
Munchin - I used to feel lots of anger too but it was a holistic dr. that pointed me in the direction of associating healing with positive emotions.
Anger,fear, hate, etc. can actually suppress your immune system - it has a negative effect on you! So, if you want to get better, you need to change the way you think.
You are on a journey to get well. Start today. find an investigative dr. who can diagnose you and help you. Look for other people with similiar symptoms - ask them what they are doing.
You need to help yourself. You need to be your own advocate. Join a support group. Do something that makes you happy every day.
Don't waste your energy on people who don't believe in Lyme. They're not on your page. Move on! You know Lyme exists. Find people who are on your page!
I'm in remission - besides doing physical therapies, I needed to do a major attitude overhaul. I'm not the same person that got sick -my sick days are behind me now!
Healer
[ 02-01-2013, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: sixgoofykids ]
Posted by munchin (Member # 38744) on :
saw my doc yesterday and was given "permission to be sick". that statement alone gave me peace.
i can lay on the couch and not feel guilty about it.
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
i was like that 20 yrs ago...but i learned i needed my energy to take care of me...it sucks...but dont let them make you sicker by dwelling on it