. A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."
He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. ===============================================
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse.
I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here." ===============================================
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.” ===============================================
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. “Hello? I’m calling to report my neighbor, Clifford.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!” “Thank you very much for the call, sir.”
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor’s house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?” “Yep.” “Did they chop your firewood?” “Yep.” “Great, now it’s your turn to call. I need my garden plowed.”
Steve
Posted by LymeNotLymes (Member # 45544) on :
LOL, very funny!
Posted by lpkayak (Member # 5230) on :
Ok. You got a chuckle from me. Thanks
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
. A chuckle is good -LP- without a chuckle we have nothing!
Steve
Posted by TxCoord (Member # 9204) on :
Why did the little boy put his dad in the freezer?
He wanted a "cool" pop.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Nothing. He won't come when you call.
Posted by Robin123 (Member # 9197) on :
Great jokes!
Here's one -
A little boy wanted to sell his dog. He sat outside on the curb with the dog, and a sign saying, "Dog for sale - $5."
A man came by and said to the boy, "Look, sonny, why don't you give your dog a bath and make it look nice and sell it for what it's worth?"
So a little while later, the man comes by, there's the little boy with his dog, all washed up, a bow around its neck, with a sign saying, "Dog for sale - $10,000."
The man asked, "Do you REALLY think you're going to sell your dog for $10,000?!" The boy said, "Yep!"
A while later, the man comes back, the boy is there, and no dog. The man asked, "Did you sell your dog?" The boy answered, "Yep."
The man said, "Well, how much did you get for it?" The boy said, "10,000!"
Very puzzled, the man inquired, "HOW did you get THAT??!"
The boy's answer: "I sold my dog for two $5,000 cats!"
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
Steve
Posted by Tincup (Member # 5829) on :
Bed time for me- laughing way too much!
Always love the jokes. Good ones! Thanks!
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
Steve
[ 02-02-2016, 07:08 PM: Message edited by: steve1906 ]
Posted by steve1906 (Member # 16206) on :
![[lol]](graemlins/lol.gif)
