Friends, I use to post using my real first name, but we were advised to take anonymous monikers, so I rejoined with a different name. Using a computer became more difficult due to electrical sensitivities.
I left a bad marriage 10 years ago, and I have lived 10 places since. Some were room rentals that bordered on abusive. Money and electronics were taken, possessions thrown out, even threats and verbal abuse. All had mold which is the number 1 thing that makes me sick.
Most of my assets are gone, and my disability check is $800 per month.
I am again in a place that has mold, is dangerous, etc. I am staying with a friend whose elderly father is paranoid. He thinks I am a government plant put in the home to kill him, and he is retaliating by threatening me, throwing my things out, etc. He has charged at me twice, and threw a box at me hard enough that I almost lost my balance.
I am so discouraged. It is very hard to find a room to rent that is mold free and low WIFI. I need to exchange help for the rent, and when I treat Lyme I get scary sick. I don't think I can reliably pledge housekeeping or assistance. I can't do low income housing due to mold and high WIFI. I live in a humid part of the country where many buildings have mold.
I'm very poorly connected to other people, because I have been sick for 30 years, and I am mostly too sick to leave my dwelling. I have tough symptoms around cell phones and WIFI when I go out. My family lives elsewhere and isn't helpful.
I'm exhausted and scared. Sleep is always extremely difficult. I am lonely. I am extremely bored with a life that revolves around treatments and survival. I don't have access to a family doctor that understands Lyme to manage all the related health issues.
I have genuinely lived my life to the best of my ability with faith, kindness, and integrity. I have believed that if I had right priorities and character, God would take care of things that were too hard for me.
I can't make sense of that anymore. I am losing the motivation to eat strict, do treatments, scrounge for resources and necessary medical supplies.
I have a few friends, but they don't understand this illness, and they are stretched with their own problems. Some of them "comfort" me with words about how nice it will be that I will get to heaven first. I don't mind dying, it's the lonely process of decline that I hate.
I have many friends and family members that have 2-3 empty bedrooms in their home, they say that they love me, but they wouldn't consider taking me in. I understand that they have no obligation, and my situation is extreme, but I don't feel that my life has much value to them.
I really can do O.K. if I just have a clean, safe place to stay, but I don't know if that is possible since I can't provide it for myself.
I don't know how to get my footing again. I have hoped countless times in a doctor/treatment/relationship/new housing, and it is overwhelming when it doesn't work again.
Thank you for reading my thoughts.
Posted by Bartenderbonnie (Member # 49177) on :
Oh Jubilee, my heart is breaking.
May I suggest you contact any and all government agencies in your area and ask for any assistance they can provide.
If they don't offer services, they should know someone to contact that can help you.
Reach out to your local Lyme support groups. Many Lyme patients are struggling to keep up with monthly bills and may being willing to share their living arrangements.
Here is a link I hope that will help you. So sorry for your sufferring.
I assume you're female. what about a women's shelter? we have a large one here. don't know if they charge or not.
Posted by Jubilee (Member # 30343) on :
Bartenderbonnnie,
Thank you for your kindness in considering my situation and responding.
Assisted living would be a very last resort. The Wifi in any medical facility as well as the number of residents' cell phones would be almost impossible for me to bear. I have very high heavy metals, and I can't sleep when the Wifi field is very high. Of course, they would view that idea like many doctors view chronic Lyme--I would be treated like a crazy person.
Most alternative treatments that I have to do would be discouraged or prohibited as they can't be responsible for things not AMA approved.
Assisted living seems like a step in the direction of very poor custodial care. If that is my only alternative, I hope I have the courage to pursue it.
I don't want to die by the inch that way.
Posted by Jubilee (Member # 30343) on :
Randibear,
The shelters have WIfi security and are very chaotic. Also very temporary. I don't want to leave where I am at and end up living in my car.
I've tried to contact others in the local Lyme Association. Many are like me, living in substandard housing with mold. Those that have more resources or are married don't want the complication of another person in their home.