I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM; they only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday.
I feel so stupid now !!!
Posted by theviewfromthecurb (Member # 10310) on :
thanks...
Posted by Cobweb (Member # 10053) on :
I don't get it.
Posted by Lioness (Member # 10655) on :
They had me do the Macarena! Posted by Loribelle (Member # 6293) on :
Hi Lou Here's one for ya.
Bubba went to a psychiatrist.
"I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."
"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist.
"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!"
"Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now !!!"
Posted by Cobweb (Member # 10053) on :
Now I get that one-and even chuckled when I read it-wish all our problems were so easy to cure.
Posted by Loribelle (Member # 6293) on :
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said,"you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So the Holiday Season Begins....
Posted by just don (Member # 1129) on :
Lets see IF I can get this right in print.
St Peter ask all the men to form two lines. One for the ones that are truly"Heads of the Households" as God commanded. Other line for the 'henpecked' ones.
The line for henpecked was 72 miles long and half mile wide. All 262 million guys were there head down,,just lining up as told.
The line for "head of the household" had one man in it. St. Peter says,,"All you henpecked men listen to what this REAL man has to say" "Sir, whats your secret of why you are in THIS line??"
Guy says " My WIFE told me to stand here!!!"
Now ladies,,,please hold on sending the cards and letters of protest,,,I just heard it on the radio and passed it on,,,its NOT a personal feeling of mine!!Cause IB--just don--
Posted by Loribelle (Member # 6293) on :
Posted by Loribelle (Member # 6293) on :
A Christmas Story - for people having a bad day....
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
So, frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
...........And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree...
Posted by meg (Member # 22) on :
**This one's for the boozer's that inhabit off-topic**
Signs You've Had Too Much Holiday Cheer
1. You strike a match and light your nose.
2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
3. You hear a duck quacking and it's you.
4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant.
5. You refill your glass from the fish bowl.
6. You hear someone say, "Call a priest!"
7. You start kissing the portraits on the wall.
8. You complain about the small bathroom after emerging from the closet.
9. You ask for another ice cube and put it in your pocket.
10. You tell everyone you have to go home... and the party's at your place.
11. You have to hold on to the floor to keep from sliding off.
12. You pick up a roll, and butter your watch.
13. You yawn at the biggest bore in the room... and realize you're in front of the hall mirror.
14. You take out your handkerchief and blow your ear.
15. You suggest everyone stand and sing the national budget.
Posted by Loribelle (Member # 6293) on :
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year- old blonde who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm.
She hangs onto Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, "Bob, how did you get the trophy girlfriend?" Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're amazed, but continue to ask. "So, how did you persuade her to marry you?" "I lied about my age", Bob replies. "What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
![[woohoo]](graemlins/woohoo.gif)
![[hi]](graemlins/hi.gif)
Here's one for ya.![[bonk]](graemlins/bonk.gif)
And So the Holiday Season Begins....
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[shake]](graemlins/shake.gif)
...........And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree...
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)