To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - 'Nose Height'.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
However, to pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are an adopted son or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money - ever!
3. Are easier to train
4 Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang outwith drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college. And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children!
=
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Dear Kam,
I love this. It so applies to my seven dogs!
They just let us live with them.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posted by sizzled (Member # 1357) on :
I loved this!!!!
Thanks for the chuckle!
Posted by Cobweb (Member # 10053) on :
I'd need to post two of these-one at the bottom of the refrigerator, nose height, for Ash the dog, and one at the top of the fridge for Bernard, the cat, who likes to look down on us from his perch.
Thanks Kam
Posted by iceskater (Member # 8655) on :
Matty, my cat that recently passed away , could open the refrigerator. He would just ignore the notice.!!!
Posted by randibear (Member # 11290) on :
this was hysterical. my maine coon was counter cruising one day and jumped on the bar.
i had left a pumpkin pie to cool on the counter.
when i got home the middle of the pie had been eaten and there on the rim were two cat footprints.
my husband laughed until he cried almost. needless to say, i didn't make pumpkin pie anymore!!!
Posted by 5dana8 (Member # 7935) on :
Priceless
Thanks Kam Posted by Tamera (Member # 13309) on :
Boy can I relate to this....I have four cats and one of them weighs 20.5 pounds and insists on his "share" of the bed...but they are the only thing that keeps me sane somedays when I'm feeling my worst. Thank goodness for George, Muffin, Stormy and JoJo!
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