Hang in there, honey. You're stronger than you think you are.

It certainly sounds like you are miserable - but this too shall pass. I remember moments where I thought the men in white coats would come for me...perhaps they even should come for me. But it passed.

You're body is just worn out right now. Rest. Relax. Breathe.

Have you called your doctor(s)?

The phrase, "I can't do this anymore" concerns me, because I'm not real sure about what you me when you say: "do THIS".

Cigi, you can't give up. You gotta hang in there girl! Of course you're going to feel worse after surgery. Just give it some time.

Find something that gives you a sense of peace and focus on it. Trust that you are strong enough to pass through this valley. You're just passing through....

Know you'll be in my thoughts & prayers.

Trust in God & YOURSELF.

Blessings,

i"ll keep you in my prayers.

I haven't had the surgery you've had, but I've had my share and every single time I felt like a truck ran over me (sometimes followed by about a dozen elephants). But no matter how bad I felt, even when the surgery didn't do what it should've done, it always gets better with time. Don't focus on how well you will feel, don't wonder if it was worth it or any other issues you may worry over now. A lot of the hurt you have now will go away in time. For me it was usually after ten days where there was a turning point, for you it may be earlier or later, but it will come. You will feel better, both physically and mentally. Anesthetics can make you feel very, very low and weird and all sorts of nasty things. Just keep in mind it's them (the anesthetics), not you, and it will ware of in a while.

Try to accept you will have to go through a rough period, and take it one day at a time. If a day is too long take it an hour at a time. Don't stress yourself needlessly with negative thoughts. For now there isn't much you can do besides heal. If you find yourself thinking a lot about changing treatment, or even worse (I don't now what exactly you feel you can't do anymore), tell yourself you will decide it later. Whatever your situation was before the surgery, you should heal from the surgery before you can decide on that situation.
You're probably not up to doing whatever it takes to change now, anyway.

It's ok to be scared, you probably have good reasons to be. Don't deny your fear, but try to keep it within limits of what you can handle. I know this may sound a bit odd, and maybe this is too personal for me to advise you about. But it's a way of coping with anxiety attacks (I don't know if mine can be compared to what you have) that has helped me so much that I never have them anymore.

What I used to do if I got scared was either get very much into the fear, and freak, or try to deny it and ignore it, and then freak. I taught myself (with help) how to let myself feel a reasonable ammount of fear, but not let it go too far. I could sort of feel in my body when I was too scared: you feel the adrenalin. Try to realise when that happens, and tell yourself that whatever scares you so much, will not go away by panicking about it. If I felt it got out of hand I would use something that would calm me or cheer me up. Something like, ask someone for a hug, or if that was too scary cuddle my dog. Watch a silly cartoon. Listen to relaxing music or music that reminded me of happier times. Tell someone about stupid things I couldn't get out of my head.

When I told my best friend I sometimes would walk down the street and get this immense fear of falling down, she said she'd had that once, and from then on I would laugh at myself if it happened and it stopped happening. Use whatever works for you, be it sarcasm or singing or sleep. If crying helps, cry, but cry without panicking, make sure you get enough air, and know when to stop (possibly using a different calming technique like having a cup of tea and a box of kleenex). Don't be ashamed of whatever works for you. You may look silly having a cuddly toy in your bed, but if it works, use it. Same goes for night lights. Same goes for having a friend keep their phone by their bed so you can call them any time. Arrange things so you have something that calms you when you get scared. Just knowing these things are there will help.

If you can teach yourself to use one of your calming down techniques once you feel yourself slipping from "being scared for a good reason" to "panic", you will not only feel much better but you can also be very proud of yourself for getting better on your own. You need some self confidence. People do love you. This is probably the first thing I've read about you and already you will be in my prayers and those of others. I bet you have people closer to you who love you and think of you. Keep them in mind.

I hope you'll feel better soon. Hang in there.

Daphne

What dafje said is better than anything I could have written. So I'm saying, "What she said!"

I'm so sorry that you're this miserable, hon. However, I've been there all too often and eventually it passes.

I know you haven't been feeling like yourself lately and you needed surgery on top of that. That's an awful lot to cope with, as if being sick in the first place isn't enough.

Hey, your still in there and will be back! The people that loved you, still love you. You'll be able to see it again soon, stay with us and we can keep reminding you.

Oh, and the cuddly toy idea has gotten me through some very rough times.

It sounds like you are having a really hard time right now.

If you feel like crying - do so -it is cleansing for the soul. Also, know that God cares for you and sees each tear that falls.

Get plenty of rest and eat nutritiously.

I want you to know that I will put you on my prayer list.

I pray that God will touch you in a special way with His healing touch. May you feel His comfort and strength. May He reveal Himself to you in ways you never thought possible. May He send others to minister unto you in your time of need.

quote:

---

Originally posted by cigi:
I just had gallbladder surgery Tuesday and have never felt so bad mentally that I have ever been. I'm scared. I stopped rocephin Saturday due to pain and had it taken out. Maybe the mix of anesthesia, didn't take xanax for a day, the trauma of surgey - I can't do this anymore. I need help and don't know wehre to go. I beggged my husband to take kme to the psych ward last night - he said they're going to drug me. I heard of herxes, but nothing justifies this. I had to write,I'm scared and feel like I lost everything and everyone I love. I don't know if I should have started treatment, or how to get the life back that I loved,

Plese pray for me - you're all in thought
Cigi

---

I had a gallstone blocking my pancreatic duct. I was in the hospital for three weeks and two days! Talk about depression!

Hooked up to feeding through i.v.. one blood transfusion, plus i.v. antibiotics.
I had to wait till all leisions were gone from my liver before I could have my gallbladder out.
Had to stay on bland diet for a long time!

I have had so many cat scans, I'm surprised I didn't glow in the dark!
Trust me, you will feel better! If it ain't one thing, it's another!

Hang in there, my prayers are with you!
I'm feeling great now, and so will you!
Go with your feelings, but also know it will pass.

Again we're here for you, and my prayers have beem with all you wonderful lymenet people!

You helped me in my darkest days!
I also remember asking the doctor to put me away! I'm so glad that they didn't listen!

I'm up and about, and doing things I never thought I would ever be doing again!
We care. Take care.
Lymeloco

My hubby has had 3 psych admissions -- what a nightmare. Two were for suicide attempts.

During one admission prior to Lyme diagnosis but about a year into illness Duck says "I don't care how many neurologists you have seen. They were all wrong. You have Parkinson's."

He gave my husband a very high dose of Artane -- an anticholinergic Parkinson's drug -- on top of the 4 or 5 other psych drugs that he changed drugs or doseages just about every day. Needless to say by the time he was discharged a few days later he looked like he really did have Parkinson's. He had even developed the typical Parkinson's shuffle step gait.

I got him off as many of those meds as quickly as I could but within a week he ended up in the ER. The ducks there just said "This doesn't make any sense." Basically he had a cholinergic crisis from trying to stop the Artane too quickly.

If you have had problems with depression prior to surgery I would suggest you find someone who can treat you with amino acids. This is a much safer route than psych drugs and you are giving the body the building blocks it needs to actually repair itself. A complete amino acid mix is even available IV while you are waiting for test results.

Go to the site http://www.acam.org Click on public and find a doctor.

ACAM (American College of Alternative Medicine) doctors treat patients with nutrition as well as drugs. Most don't specialize in Lyme, but they can help. However, some are very expensive.

For more immediate relief, go get a bottle of SAM-e. It will take effect in about 2 or 3 days if it is going to help.

My hubby takes 400mg a day although he has been as high as 600mg before. The brand he uses is Life Extension. This helps in the methylation detox pathways. And as with all things that really help my husband this is an expensive supplement. But the cost is relatively mirror if it saves an ER visit or hospitalization.

I have always heard that St Johns Wort is pretty good but have no experience with this.

I strongly believe that Lyme patients have too many brain issues to be messing around with psychotropic drugs. That includes seizure meds which are usually ineffective, but will sometimes calm things down in the short term. Long term they just cover up the problem which is brain inflammation.

One other suggestion would be to try 5HTP to see if it will calm your anxiety. This really helps my husband. He is always low in serotonin on neurotransmitter tests but the SSRI drugs make him feel really really bad.

At one point he was taking 50 mg about every hour or two. This was shortly after psych episode above. At that time the 5HTP would actually slow down and sometimes even stop his tremors. It doesn't do that anymore but it does help him sleep.

I would also suggest epsom salts baths as a way to relax and detox. There was a thread on this recently.

Hang in there! You are reaching out. I wish I had had a PC and known about Lymenet years before I discovered it.

The one other supplement I wouldn't do without for my husband is COQ10. Again it is very expensive, but it is an antioxidant which crosses into the brain. Hubby takes 400 mg daily.

Many times.

As a teen I lived in them many months at a time.

I wish some of the LLMDs would get together with the psych docs and open a facility for us. We really need it.

I begged my insurance to find a place like that for me---haha--- that's what they said.

I know what you are going thru cigi. when you just need someone ELSE to do it ALL. You cant keep trying to heal and arguing with insurance and doctors and yourself and trying to judge where you are at with the disease and the side effects and the herx and the rest of your life is just passing you by.

I hear you.

Please try to just sleep and rest for a few more days and re-evaluate then?

As everyone has said and I have experienced too... anasthesia is the worst mood altering drug ever.

Call or write. Please stop by in August and we'll sit and chat, or let me know how I can help. Remember I am not far from Dr. J's.

Your validation to my own pain was very helpful, I want to reciprocate any way I can.

I'll mail tonight when I get home.

Hang in, hang in,

God bless you for listening to this and trying to help during this hell.

I'm hoping the IV will help you feel better. I think seibert had a good idea about the amino acids. Dr C in MO does that now. Maybe you can find someone near you who would try treating you with it. Biting Back says it's working GREAT for her!

Hang in there...remember that the psych folks will only make you worse, in my non-medical opinion. You'll be in my prayers.

Sorry you are in such physical and emotional pain.

Vizualize yourself walking thru a valley. You are WALKING THRU it.
You will soon walk OUT of it.

That is promised to us.

Faith is so difficult to hold onto when we are in pain-it robs our soul.

This will pass.
Do not be deceived, you know the truth.
There is enough deception with this stupid Lyme thing.

I just wanted to offer many hugs to you ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))). God Bless

Nancy

There were sorrowful times that my little girl would say mommy I can't do this anymore. I know that when a 10 year old says that, it is really horrific!

This disease makes you feel so lost and unable to get back to where you once were. I could sense that from her.

Please just trust your loving husband right now and let him take care of you and rest as much as possible.

Hopefully each day you awake you will feel a little better and more like yourself than the day before! I know you want this to be over, but be strong. You can and will lick this thing!

When I started rifampin for bartonella and mepron/artemisinin for babesia, those "emotions" cleared up overnight. And not only that, but my adrenaline level abruptly went back to normal after being on overdrive for almost five years.

I'm not sure who told you to get your gallbladder out, but please be cautious about ideas like that from doctors. The very idea of telling a Lyme patient have surgery like that is shocking, in my opinion.

Omnicef is very close to rocephin in strength, and is an oral abx. There are several liver protectors you can take to prevent further abdominal pain: I take Dr. Zhang's hepa formula 2, but there's a lot of other options as well.

From reading your post, it looks like people on Lymenet have all different backgrounds. If Lyme is all you have, please be careful and doublecheck all information you read here.

I am so sorry you are feelng so hopeless. I have a suggestion that has worked for many in a depressed and even sucidal mood.

Have your husband go to the Vitamin Shoppe and purchase a bottle of Bach Flower Essence "Cherry Plum" .The instructions are on the bottle. It costs about $10.00 a bottle and comes with a dropper.

Put four drops under your tongue six times a day. This should improve the depersonalization as well as the hopeless depresed psychotic moods. It is all natural and safe but you may check with your doctor before taking it.You can read about the theory behind the Flower Essences by typing into GOOGLE: Bach "Cherry Plum" Flower Essence. You should see dramatic improvement within two to three days.

My friend had the depersonalization extremely bad after stopping her Zoloft and she was also instructed to sip Naoni (sp?) Juice thruout the day. It is hard to believe but after sipping the juice, her depersonalization got better, after about two months of taking the naoni juice she was feeling "herself" again. She would mix a few ounces of the juice in a bottle of water and sip it thruout the day.Again this is not a drug and is safe.You can purchase it at the health food stores.

It was also suggested that she take Carlson's Omega Fish Oil in the liquid version for the hopelessness and depersonalization. It is excellent for depression ans psychosis.Some of the Omega oils in the capsule form can be rancid and add to the problem so Carlson's Liquid version is the best.(It should NOT have a BITTER taste, oils that do are rancid and should NOt be taken).

Magnesium glycinate (to bowel tolerance) will help the anxiety but do not take it after 5 PM or it could cause sleeplessness.

Liquid Calcium and a good Liquid Mineral formula will help aid you in sleeping and help the brain to heal.

Keeping you in my prayers.

THousands of people go thru the depersonalization and suicidal urges while withdrawing from SSRI's and the above treatments are recommened to help them get thru this process.

I really believe lyme affects the neurotransmitters in the brain in a similar way as the withdrawal from a SSRI. Nightmares, sleeplessness, anxiety, dizziness, naseau, stomach cramps and joint pain.

The suggestions are a safe method to help alleviate your situation and to prevent you from having to possibly be hospitalized.

Please let us know how you are doing. Check with your doctor to be safe, then have your husband go to the Vitamin Shoppe. I know the Cherry Plum essence and the Naoni Juice will help.