Let's all tell something funny about ourselves, eh?

I was born with my gills still in my neck. They had turned into something called "bronchial cleft". As an infant I would drink milk from the bottle, and the milk would pour out of my neck. Doctor told MOM ...don't worry.

Later on they turned into sweat glands.

The funny thing is I learned to swim ...under water before on top. And could hold my breath forever.

You know what they say about swimmin' between the legs of bowlegged women. (lol)

It's true.

HA! HA! HA!

Trout Scout

If we can't laugh at ourselves....what is there to laugh at?

Huh? Although the journey was long, the Trout finally got to it's destination....
Yeeeee haaaaaa!

Now I know why fish are slippery....

Peace, love and wellness
JRW!!!

Seriously...your childhood must have been a bit rough...but that was then...welcome back from your past.

Jw were is YOUR funny story? you're not allowed to respond without one...

ok, when I was six my older brother adn I walked home from school and he had forgotten the key to the house...mom adn dad were both teachers, so we got home about an hour before them...

well, my brother in his infinate wisdom decided that I should go in through the 'milk chute'..In new england that is an door you open from the outside that goes UP into the laundry room, so when you're inside the house you can get the milk out of the milk chute without having to go outside in the cold...

ANYWHO.....you guessed it! my brother pushed me adn I got my head through, but couldln't fit my body...it was a very skinny chute! Couldn't come back through either...so I was literally hanging by my head inside this chute! the length was to short for me to stand at least and use my legs...so I had to scrunch up ...anyway, it took the fire dept a while to cut me out...and yes you can say it...

SO that's what happened to me!!!

lol

Lisa

You butter answer or do you plan on skimming over the cream of this issue? Cheeze!

Yo Gurt...what it is?

That gill thing you mentioned yesterday (somewhere) was really true???

Ya know, I'm not going to mention names here, but a few weeks ago (in one of my favorite threads of all time) one of our members had suggested you add this picture to your signature line:

And that was when we thought you chose the name "TroutScout" because you liked to fish.

Can I have it please? How do I do that?

Actually...my nick name does come from fishing for trout.

However, as to the gills being a big issue or not...heck, I had fun with it. I could make spit come out of these very tiny slits in my neck. You should a seen people run when that happened!!!

To answer your question:
right-click on that pic, hit 'copy image location' (or whatever similar option you get), and use that pic's address combined with the information here: How to put a picture in your post

I am e-mailing you how to place that image in your signature line

Sorry, I started my post before I saw your help to TroutScout.

I did tell him that you were the expert.

Wasn't that nice of me?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a big fat pig. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for my having worn tires! So I called him a BLEEP.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I could care less. My car
was parked around the corner. . . . .

I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.
*********************************************
Couldn't resist...I got it via email. Thought you'd get a chuckle! nan

the rule is you can answer a post with comments here without sharing something of you also...

c'mon now..fair is fair!!

Sorry. But I've never been stuck in a chute

I've been racking my brain trying to think of something. When I do, I won't hold out on you--promise.

Lets see, one of the funniest things I ever remember doing, happened about 15 years ago...

My boyfriend at the time, now my husband, came to my Mom's house to see me. First I should explain that I have an identical twin sister.

Well, she decided to crash in my room, as it had a phone, and she was waiting for her boyfriend to call.

Unbeknownst to my sister or I, my boyfriend decided to sneak into my room that night, for a little goodnight kiss.

Well as he crawled in to my bed, with my sister, I walked in the room. My sister also chose that very same moment to wake up.

So, my poor boyfriend left with a fat lip, and a bruised rib, as my sister punched him in the gut, and I slapped him across the face.

So needless to say , he always checked to make sure it was my bed he came into after that.

Were still together after 21 years, so I guess I didn't hurt him too bad hee hee

------------------
~ Missy

Anyway, I was the "dresser" for a well-known singer a few years ago. During the Christmas shows, one of her dresses was a black velvet strapless dress, covered by a black velvet jacket.

One night she asked me not to tie the dress quite so tightly in the back because it was smushing her boobs. So I didn't! She came backstage after her number in a complete panic!

She said the dress slid down to her waist, and she had no idea how long it had been there!!![ ] She was smart enough not to yell at me!! Thank goodness she had on a black bra!!!

So the next show I safety-pinned the dress to her bra! Too bad you missed it, JR!!

Though my hubby (then boyfriend) chuckles everytime the topic comes up.

Ready?

In high school, I was in the Modern Dance club. Our instructor choreographed a great dance routine for us that went to that 50s (?) song "At the Hop."

We were to perform this number at the end of one of our concerts. After doing all our other routines, we were to retreat to the locker room to switch from our leotards and tights to shirts that we tied at the waist and flared (below the knee) skirts. Those with longer hair pulled it back in a 50s style pony tail, we quickly painted our lips in 50s colors, etc.

It was important that the skirts were of a material that would swing effortlessly as we were to emphasize the hip action of the dance routine.

So, us girls go back into the locker room to change and prepare to come back on on "stage" (parents and friends were the audience) for our final number.

For some reason, I guess because my skirt was somewhat shear, I had decided to just put on my shirt and skirt over my tights. Which was fine. The teacher had left it up to us.

Anyway, we get to the part of the song where we get very involved with our hip swinging. It brought quite a reaction from the crowd!

I figured we were just dancing well and that the crowd was enjoying it. But then, at the end of the number, I look down and there, at my feet, is my skirt

Apparently, I must have overemphasized the hip action. My skirt had come undone sometime during the routine and eventually had fallen to the floor.

The audience thought it was planned to happen that way and enjoyed the hilarious effect. I was so embarrased (tried not to show it) I couldn't wait to run into the locker room and hide.

The fact that I was/am probably the shyest person on the face of the planet didn't help.

After dressing in our street clothes, we all went out to greet our parents, friends, etc. My boyfriend (now hubby) was there and knew that the skirt was supposed to stay on.

He was kind enough to let me bury my face in his shoulder---I was so embarrased.

To this day, everytime we hear that song (in an old movie, whatever) my husband bears that all knowing grin, and I feel my face turning beet red.

We posted at the same time.

Was that YOU who pinned my skirt????

Tabby...Good song...Danny and the Juniors...

HOWEVER YOUNG LADY....Mrs. Jones saw what happened and is keeping you in for detention for two weeks! (without tights!)

Hey, what color were the tights?

Lymebrat...I heard your sister challanged Mike Tyson...to a singing contest!

All these stories are funny...really great!

I have funny stories but they are either censored of illegal. If I post them 75% of the text will look like this: ***#@***!!!

and then she*******$%%$##@$% smiling all the time!

No officer, that **%&^^%$# in the trunk is not my **&**&%$! Someone borrowed my car and must have gone to Mexico on vacation.

I don't even know what it is!

Really. Promise. Matches? No but here's a lighter....

I will try very hard to think...of a good one for you. You must realize my life is a blurr of unbelievable debauchey and abandon...I was abandoned many times by homeless transvestites and debauchered at a French Brothel....

Peace, love and wellness...and lots os smiling faces!

They were white. And much more sheer than I'd like to admit.

And 75% of your posts already look like this: ***#@***!!!

Thanx for startin this thread.

Just readin the topic line, I had a fond memory pop into my head.

Although, by sharin it with yall, I am tellin a good un on me!

My oldest son, now 26 yrs old was quite the baseball player. I started playin with him when he was just 2 yrs old and even coached his team several years. (I was quite the player in my day too)

Anyway, when he was 15 yrs old he had been recruited to a travelin team, and was very excited. He was a pitcher, and really good. He had pitched a shut-out game, and thus was recruited.
They were gettin ready for their first game, and He had left me a note to pick up a cup for him.

So I proceed to look high and low for one of those neat little collapsable drinking cups, that has a snap-top on it, thinkin that it would be easy to carry and get less dirt in it in the dug out. And of course when I finally found one I was so PROUD of myself.

When he got home I gave it to him, and I wish I had a picture of the look on his face.
He was rollin on the floor with laughter.

Needless to say this mom was so confused and bewildered, by what this idiot child of mine was rollin on the floor about.

Finally, he was able to choke out "a CUP mom,
not a cup"!!!!!

And of course, I instantly knew what I had done.

For those of you who may not know, he had requested a protective cup, part of baseball gear for the male.

And, of course thru the years this child o mine has upon occassion reminded me of this momentary loss of mind of mine.

But not to worry folks, cause as a mom I have my own retort. Call it blackmail if you will. I HAVE custody of the picture of him, (2 yrs old) dressed in nothin cept my pantyhose and heels.

I'm making copies of this stuff for future referrence....lol

quote:

---

Originally posted by troutscout:
Hey,

I'm making copies of this stuff for future referrence....lol

Fish Boy

---

Gee, thanx Fish Boy. Talk about black mail

M28: ROFL. Loved the story. BTW one of my boys did the pantyhose thing, too (at the age of two). What's up with that? I wonder if I've got a picture . . .

My oldest daughter thought she wanted a man hoo-hoo (ya know-penis) so bad....she would stick a wash cloth between her legs and say..."look, I have a man hoo-hoo."

We would laugh at her and tell her she couldn't have one because she was a girl. Her answer to this was;
"Then I'll buy one!"

At this point we were crying from the laughter.

Troutmeister

We now call this our anatomy 101 story...

heh heh heh heh.....

I hoe you did not try to strap that "cup" to your poor son! EEEEEKKKK!

Rights of passage....when a boy goes from protector cups to "C" cups. Much more fun from a "sporting" perspective of course.

Trout...Blackmail sounds like a good idea with this group...let's see, who can we tell....GOT IT!!!! Santa!

OR...we can make a deal....

I don't have a story, nothing ever has happened to me

I am waiting for more stories though *lol*

Hugs to all,

{{{{{{Cookie}}}}}}

I don't know what we're going to do with you and JR! Honestly!

Tabby knows the rules...don't ya ma'am?

sounds like you two much time to burn (get it)

Those are good ones...indiglo watch, duh!

Don't feel so bad. It took me a few minutes to get the clock/watch story.

Duh! (on my part)

As for the toaster, that one I saw coming. OUCH!

Great stories

When I was a teenager, I loved to water ski. One day while skiing, my bathing suit top SPLIT in half!!!!!!!!!

I had a tough time getting back in the boat trying to hold it together over my...well...well endowed...uh...chest!

Everyone in the boat was hysterical!

Beat that one!

My stories are all X-rated or rated in ANOTHER manner...HOWEVER....I have a "Now That I Have Lyme" anecdote of sorts...and,
PLEASE do not let the responses get OUT OF HAND, OK?

Ever since I got Lyme I forget to ZIP MY DAMN ZIPPER!!!! I am NOT kidding....I know the BoyScouts motto is "Be Prepared" but this is REDICULOUS!!!!! No matter if I am dressing in the morning or using the loo, I FORGET...and now with the cold weather, BOY THAT gets cold!

Once or twice I even forgot underwear! I am NOT kidding...It was a running joke in the house I lived in in Southampton with a woman and her two kids...my face was red half the day.

Dates are VERY interesting...uh, James, your BULLPEN is open....or, close the GARAGE DOOR!

Oh well...I guess it can be an advantage at times...heh heh heh.

If Rita needs a hand...I'm here...JR...YOU are on your own brother.

Why do men have such a problem in this, uh, area?

I'm not so sure it is a Lyme thing. More likely than not, is a Freudian thing.

Okay, because I like you and I sincerely want to help, I am supplying you with a visual aid which emphasizes the simplicity of the process.

But just this once.

Ready?

Why does the Beattle song "Lovely Rita Meter Maid" come to mind? SIR...your time is up, but to console you take a gander at THESE!

Tabby....I am still laughing! With my luck I would catch SOMETHING in that zipper of yours!

Yeeeooooooowwww! euuuuu that hurts!

Freud: Now Herr Wagner, vas ist dis mit deine schneedlvootz?

Herr Wagner: ah, what?

Peace, love and wellness
JRW

I love your stories!
I have to admit...Rita's story is my favorite so far....

Yes, Cookie, we are awaiting more stories . . .

{{{Cookie}}}

so nice to "see" you....gotta hug you again:
(((tabby)))

Well, you know what? I have really tried to remember a story. Fun stories are fun, because there is something one is embarrassed about. Right?
The problem is: I never get embarrassed. That is true. As soon as something "embarrassing" happens to me I start laughing and find it funny myself. And I love that it happened to me, because it made everyone laugh...including me

But I will try to find something....well, there are stories in my life, but it is mainly the comic of the moment...so that is hard to put in words....
I will see about it

{{{Cookie}}}

If you really can't think of anything that's okay. We luv ya anyway.

But I would like to see more stories from others. I noticed there were over 150 (?) replies to "What's in your screen name?"

There's gotta be more stories out there somewhere . . .

This has been a great thread. Thanks TroutScout

I am salivating here.

I'm basically vertically challenged. I can trip on lint. My parents gave me 10 years of dance lessons so that I could learn to fall with style. I did theater in high school and fell running down a ramp during a play. I had on a mask that was so form fitting to my face that I could not wear my contacts for fear of them popping out. So down the ramp I go into a pile at the end. Another time, I had to sing a solo for a Christmas concert. It was my turn and as I began to descend from the risers, I tripped and was caught by two choir members. My parents happened to be looking down at their programs, heard the thud and instantly knew it was me.

I would have helped you as you fell of of those bleachers....but, I may have slipped, too. lol

I was a dance instructor....do you need tips?

don't know what this means....it is kind of too fast for me to figure it out..but it looks fun to me :-)

troutscout and his twin?
or troutcout-tutu?

troutscout...you are moving????

troutscout getting hungry:

troutscout...having some bathing fun:

I am not sure about this one....is it troutscout sleeping or troutscout getting fried?

troutscout in 50 years:

troutscout must be yummie

troutscout on the hook:

troutscout in love:

happy troutscout:

I needed that. I am having neur/panic symptoms today. So, I needed a good laugh.

We were in the dairy business for years. I am alone in the "milk parlor"--really.... the name of the place where the milking is done :-)
I am alone there and our children are off feeding baby calves.

Over all the animal noises and machine noises I hear this tin pounding on tin noise.
Bang, bang, bang, repeating over and over....one after the other.

I am thinking there are machine problems, an animal in trouble or the kids are messing around. So, I start turning things off one by one, shutting everything down slowly to find the problem.

I go out behind the barns, in the barns, in the cooler room, office etc. searching this way and that way for about a half an hour for the source of the noise.

I go out to the front of the building and finally realize its coming from the green dumpster where we dump the paper towels and household garbage. The kind of dumpster with two huge lids on top, one is closed and the other open.

My kids have been lectured to never ever THINK about getting in those dumpsters for any reason.....so I think great now my kids are really gonna get it and all my lecturing has been wasted, not to mention children get killed by those lids falling on them......dumpster diving kids....great.

I open up the closed lid ready to whip some butts, when out pops a CAT, not out but UP, straight UP about 3 feet. The cat falls back into the dumpster, jumps up again, falls, jumps up....you get the picture.
Theres a small soup can on its head!!!!!

Not just on its head, but crammed on its head. In fact when you looked at it, there was only a CAN FOR A HEAD.
Poor thing was pounding this can on itself for all that time. Being unable to catch the poor thing in mid-air, it finally fell to the ground and ran around.

I proceeded to chase the cat in circles until I caught a bit of its tail and was able to gently take the can off. The cat was fine, but of course shaken. Perhaps its hearing was off for at least a while....

Some of the picture sites have moved, (leaving that much more to the imagination I suppose) but the stories are still great

I am not a very sound sleeper and always seem to get up once a night to go to the bathroom, and maybe get a drink of water. When I get up in the middle of the night, I do not turn on any lights so not to wake up any more than necessary so that I can fall right back asleep. On this fateful night I got up to go to the bathroom and sat down in a sleepy stupor on the toilet to take care of business.
Imagine my horror when I felt something scratch me on the butt! Well, I shot up off the toilet what seemed to be five feet into the air. When I came back down to earth I turned on the light and stared down into the toilet to see what had violated my body. As I look down to see what creature was in the toilet, two little beady eyes were staring back on me. There, treading water in the toilet was a little mouse that appeared as stunned as I was. I must have scared him so much that he found the power to thrust himself off the side of the bowl to try get out of the way of his unexpected shower.

I remember that I kept staring at this poor little mouse thinking ``Do mice carry rabies?'' ``Am I going to have to call the doctor in the morning to ask them this question, and will I have the courage to tell them what really happened?'' I could picture the receptionist in the doctor's office saying ``You got scratched where? By what?'' And then having them share the humorous information with the people in the waiting room. This is a small town, I was sure that if I called, it would be all over town by the end of the day. I snapped out of my middle of the night daydream and had to deal with my predicament.

Had I had my wits about me and not been in such a state of shock, I might have flushed the toilet to get rid of it and try to get back to sleep. However, I was not myself, and was afraid that the mouse might clog the toilet, and I did not want to have to deal with that. So instead I decided to close the cover and try to get some sleep. As I lay in bed with my heart still pounding I suddenly realized that my five year old daughter might also get up to go to the bathroom, and I did not want her to be traumatized the way I was. I leaped back up and decided to put something on top of the seat so it couldn't be opened. On the toilet I put the bathroom scale, then a garbage can, but these were not enough. I then replaced the can with a kitchen chair and put the garbage can on top of the chair! You see, I kept adding stuff to the top because I felt that my daughter might just move the light scale and garbage can. Obviously, I was not thinking clearly or I would have been happy with the chair, not adding the garbage can to create this tower. I returned to bed feeling satisfied that we were all safe.

In the morning, my husband was the first to rise. He was quite perplexed as to how and why the Leaning Tower of Pisa appeared on top of his throne. I still chuckle when I imagine my husband scratching his head and wondering what went on during the night.

Although this event took place twenty years ago, I still look first before I use the toilet; and use a nightlight! I also find it very hard to use a port-a-potty or an outhouse for fear that a two-headed reptile like creature will pop up out of hole.

I hoped that I have convinced each one of you that you should not blindly sit on toilet; for fear that you too will be the victim of a very personal assault!

Hmm, I wonder if I could have gotten lyme this way?

------------------
Tabby