posted
I am so sad and upset right now. I am 24 and my boyfriend left because I don't think he wants to deal with this illness anymore. He blamed it on being in different stages in our lives but I know what he was thinking. He doesn;t want to be with a sick girl anymore. HE also has gambling issues and he didn't want to deal with those.
When we first met I thought I had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and I became dependent on him. I am just so upset. I have been sick 6 years and I am not getting better.
How do I do this alone? He was my support system . .my rock.
I feel so worthless . .So alone . I honestly wish God would just take me away. Just when I thought things couldn't get much worse. . .boy was I wrong
Posts: 74 | From Florida | Registered: May 2006
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lymie tony z
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5130
posted
Hey Lady, Get your chin up! Being down will not help your symptoms one little bit.
It's probably a good thing this bum left you...one closed door leads to one opening...
And if he had a gambling problem...well that's a sickness that CAN be treated...easier than yours...
I know at 24 you'll feel like dieing but believe me...I've been thru two bad marriges and a hundred or so relationships in between and finally GOD sent me an angel...
So don't give up hope....
If someone is'nt willing to go thru the crappy times in life with you then they don't love you more than themselves and they're selfish bums that you don't need in your life....
I KNOW......BELIEVE ME......zman
-------------------- I am not a doctor...opinions expressed are from personal experiences only and should never be viewed as coming from a healthcare provider. zman Posts: 2527 | From safety harbor florida(origin Cleve., Ohio | Registered: Jan 2004
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Ann-OH
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2020
posted
You are not worthless!
You may be alone, but it is not your fault.
When you have had time to think this through, you may realize it was for the best somehow.
If he has gambling issues, he is not healthy either.
I do hope you have family and friends nearby.
Take some deep breaths and tell yourself you will get through this because you are basically a strong person to have come so far.
Get in touch with your doctor immediately and talk this over with him.
People here will do all they can to help. Hope you feel better soon.
I went through something similar with my husband in the first year of my illness. We had been tgthr 4 years when I became ill with Lyme (undiagnosed) and he just couldn't cope with everything tumbling down around our ears.
As the doctors were very unhelpful in dxing what I was suffering from, people atound me (incl husband) started blaming me for being sick.
Quote from husband: "why are you doing this to us?" or "Get better so that we can resume our relationship". I could go on and on.
It was a year of pure hell, i thought I was too sick to leave him, but I should've left him immediately when he showed the slightest bit of reluctance in giving me support. But I felt too vulnerable to organise things.
It ended really horribly with me walking the streets in the middle of the night with my toothbrush in a plastic bag and nowhere to go!
I understand how you are probably feeling right now, but please realise that it is HIS loss, not yours. You certainly don't want to plan a life with someone who is not capable of/willing to really be at your side.
In fact it is a blessing in disguise to have realised fairly early the kind of person he is, as things do happen to people (whether it be Lyme or something else) and if your partner just wants fun, fun, fun all the time he's the one who's in for a big shock sooner or later.
I know you are finding it very hard to visualise right now, but I am quite sure you will meet someone else who will be better suited to you, someone who will be a real partner for you. I know I have, and looking back I realise I would never have been happy with someone who obviously wasn't strong enough to deal with whatever hand life could deal out.
I remember how shattered I was, and I didn't even love him anymore, but i thought I needed him. Well, I didn't, and although the first few months were mighty hard, I felt totally destroyed and worthless, I did bounce back. I still hate him though, 20 years later!). I hope the rest of his life is miserable!
Nelly
Posts: 416 | From france | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
I'm so sorry. I hope things will look up for you soon. Keep holding on and remember we're here to listen Posts: 89 | From UT | Registered: Jun 2006
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Jellybelly
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7142
posted
I'm sorry you feel so alone. I am watching my daughter go through a similar situation right now. She is 27, has 2 little girls, and is divorcing a husband with another kind of addiction, alcohol.
She is VERY sick right now, and is going to be going on disability. She is dealing with low self esteem issues because of all of this and I would imagine you are there too.
I know that you probably don't see it this way right now, but the man was leaching you of strength. An addict can't do anything else. It hurts at the moment, but over time you will find your strength again and be able focus back on you. You can lick this stuff. It will take time, but it will happen. Pick just one thing at a time as a goal. Work on that, conquer it, and then move on to the next thing.
When you are better then you will be able to have the kind of relationship you deserve. Someone who is supportive and comforting is out there waiting for you. Hang in there. Posts: 1251 | From california | Registered: Apr 2005
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hopeful123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3244
posted
see if you can get some antidepressants until yo're out of the woods. low self esteem is a killer.
feel better
-------------------- some days you're the bug, some days you're the windshield Posts: 1160 | From NY | Registered: Oct 2002
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Aniek
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5374
posted
Losing somebody you love is never easy. But you really need to stay strong for yourself and for your health.
It is true that the last thing you need in your life is somebody with an addiction. That takes too much energy away from you.
Try to devote all your anger and all your grief into getting better. Stay focused on your health.
I know it hurts. There is nothing I can say to take the pain away. I wish there was. But remember that you are a wonderful person and he didn't leave you for her you are. He left you because he had his own problems and couldn't deal with a situation you have no fault in.
And make sure you find people to talk with. I've made it through a really bad break-up. It took a while, and lots of crying. But I'm a stronger woman today because of it.
-Aniek
-------------------- "When there is pain, there are no words." - Toni Morrison Posts: 4711 | From Washington, DC | Registered: Mar 2004
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-------------------- Healed of Lyme in June of '04. Had it for 20 years before God led me to the right diagnosis. Had neuro-borreliosis (sp??). SEVERELY.
Now I'm "all grown-up" and no clue how to deal with life! I still live at home, and have many a bad day. Posts: 11 | From NJ | Registered: Sep 2006
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BUT.......I know that in a year this will seem like a speck on the horizon and you will look back and probably say..."I survived when I thought I couldn't, and I am stronger for it!"
It's tougher to take these things when you are sick and feeling so vulnerable to begin with.
Saying prayers for you to heal...your broken heart and your lyme.
xoxo
-------------------- nan Posts: 2135 | From Tick Country | Registered: Oct 2000
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posted
Healthnicole, There is not much I can add to the wisdom already here.
Losing someone you care about is devestating, I hope in time you will see that you are deserving of a healthy relationship. And focus on bringing other people into your life, friends through activities, support groups, church.
Pamper yourself for now, baths and other things that are soothing and you enjoy
Posts: 628 | From the south | Registered: Dec 2005
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TheCrimeOfLyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4019
posted
Im going through the same thing. I can relate. Just know you can do this. It gets hard. I KNOW, believe me, I know. Butyou dont want nor deserve that type of relationship. You arent missing much. Fnid the strength to be your own rock.
-------------------- You want your life back? Take it. Posts: 3169 | From Greensburg, Pennsylvania | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
So sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it can be. I broke up with someone a year before I got Lyme.
The fact he had done some really lousy things didn't make it easier at the time. Fortunately time heals all and I got over it pretty quickly. Then I was able to look back at all the things I had put up with and was glad to have him out of my life.
Since getting Lyme I have not wanted a relationship. I need to focus all my attention on taking care of me. Fitting in with someone elses needs, schedule, wants... just adds stress when I'm not feeling good. LymeNet has given me plenty of support.
posted
I am so sorry for you right now. Love does hurt sometimes. But remember what goes around, comes around.
One day he will be in the same position as you and will have to deal with people walking out on him. I truly believe that. This breakup may have been the only good thing lyme has done for you, since he is a real loser and a man like him usually winds up cheating or gambling the money away and you would lose everything.
I worry that perhaps you are not getting the right treatment in florida??? Do you have a good LLMD?
If not it might be a good time to consider traveling to a state where there is someone who can help you.Perhaps you can bring a friend along, and it might make you feel better.
Pamper yourself now. If you have the energy for it, perhaps a nice spa where you can be pampered a bit. It is time for YOU now!!!!, I will keep you in my prayers.
-------------------- To win this battle, make the time for exercise and fitness activities! There is no shortcut to any place worth going! pegee4 Posts: 59 | From Hamptons, New York | Registered: Aug 2006
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posted
I am so sorry that you have this trauma. Do not blame yourself or feel rotten over this. Much is going on. Your boyfriend, may have appeared to be your rock, but, in reality with a gambling problem would have ripped you apart. Addictions always destroy relationships. The most important thing is to take care of yourself.Grieve over the relationship, but stayed focused, You need all of your energy to fight the lyme.
Posts: 719 | From Delaware | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Thanks guys I have been completely out of comission for several days so I just had a chance to read these.
I really appreciate all the support from the bottom of my heart.
I need to figure out so many things. He moved in with me to help me .and help pay rent . .so I have got so much stress right now.
PEGEE4- I do realize that I need to find a new LLMD. He isn't cutting it anymore. I have chronic lyme and I am only being treated with Tetracycline & Samento. So any help would be great.
I am lost in so many ways right now.
Thanks
Posts: 74 | From Florida | Registered: May 2006
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