kelmo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8797
posted
I certainly have everything to be grateful for, but I think I'm grieving some losses. I know that most of you are in horrible situations, and I don't want to offend anyone with my petty selfishness.
My daughter, as you are all aware has bart and babs, along with other fun viruses and mycos. She is unable to drive, work, or attend school. She is in pain every day of her life. You all know what that is like.
Since she is unable to attend school full time, and has reached age 19, my husband's insurance will terminating her coverage on the 31st. Not even a letter from the doc stating she is disabled will help.
We had an appt with a case worker for our AZ state insurance today. My daughter was approved within minutes. That should be a good thing, right?
I'm sick to my stomach with worry over what this state insurance will cover with regard to medications, etc. The case worker couldn't answer any of my questions.
I really think that those coming over the border without permission know more about the AZ system then I do, or the DES
Don't think I'm ungrateful. I'm extremely relieved that my daughter will not be uninsured. To have a gap in insurance is deadly, as you are all aware.
I think what has me so sad, is that since I was old enough to be on my own, I worked with a company that provided insurance. I married a man in that company, and when I stayed home with my babies, I knew that our needs would be provided by this same wonderful company.
Last month, my husband found out that after 33 years, and 6 years to retirement, this company is going to send his job to the Phillipines. Not him...the job. He faces being unemployed in his late 50's, a sick daughter who needs healthcare, and a mortgage that was going to be paid off at retirement age. We don't even know the status of his pension.
I will probably have to go to work full time (I've worked part time as a crossing guard and office asst with the school district for the past seven years..no benefits) so we can have insurance.
I'm a tweener. I take care of my ailing parents as well as my daughter. A role I accept willing as I love them all. But, there is only so much my body can handle. Adding a full time job to our lives now would be very hard. whine whine whine
I'm tired and weepy today and just needed to talk to someone, I don't want to burden my husband more.
You don't have to respond, or tell me to go to hell for being so selfish. I just needed to use this for a diary.
kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
Kelly,
It sounds like you have a full time job. No wonder you are stressing about the possibility of taking on more.
RE: getting the help for your daughter. Let's just hope for the best. Between the two of us let's hope we can find coverage here in AZ through the state for lyme.
My first year went well until the insurance wanted me to see an infectious disease doc on their plan. AS you know i am still up in the air on whether or not I will get treatment. Let's hope for the best for your daughter and it all goes well.
IT is overwhelming what you are going through right now.
So, I will send my limo driver over to take you away for a day or two or as long as you need to escape to the place of your choice or places. Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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AZURE WISH
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 804
posted
I dont think you are selfish at all.
As sick as I have been (disabled for 6 years spent alot of time like your daughter)
and I still always say it is so much easier for me to be the sick one
than if I had to watch a loved one go through what I have been through over the last 19 years.
Not only have you had to watch your daughter suffer but your parents .. I cant imagine the toll that must take on ones being
It must be so emotionally draining over time. You must be a very strong person to continue to be there for your ailing parents and daughter.
And then add finanicial uncertainity at such a crittical time.
I am sorry your whole family has had to go through so much.
uncertainity piled on top of uncertainity can be hard for any human to deal with add mutiple illness into the picture and I surely can see why you are stressed
I hope things turn around for all of you very soon
posted
Oh Kelly, I'm so sad this is hurting you so much. I know what you have been through and what a champion you have been for your daughter.
I think every once in a while it's good to cry...it really helps me. Then it's as if I can handle things again afterwards.
Your big shoulders are being tested. I wish I could help you with that weight for a while.
I'm also so sorry about your husband's job. It really sucks that companies are allowed to do this to great employees. (If you recall, I just lost my job after working for 27 years straight....I too have to start all over again).
It's scary I know, but you will prevail. BIG BIG HUGS.... Posts: 867 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2006
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timaca
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6911
posted
HI Kelly~ Glad you could write and share here. Hopefully, the state insurance will be good in covering your daughter's needs. I can tell you that so far, I've been really, really happy with our state's dept of insurance in helping me with issues with my insurance company. So, worst comes to worst, I think someone can help you get the best coverage that is possible. They sure are helping me.
Perhaps with regard to a job...you could look at state employment. They might even have good insurance that could cover your daughter. A friend of mine (in a different state) found herself having to go back to work too due to her husband's unemployment. It has turned out to be a great thing for her...good health benefits, and she will be able to have her needed hip surgery soon. There can be a silver lining to having to work.
I understand some of what you're going through...the stresses of it all. Do count it a blessing that you and your husband are both healthy. That is huge.
I'm dealing with my lyme illness, and my husband who has cardiac issues (possibly due to lyme--not sure). He will likely have an ablation soon in your area. I hope it works. People die from it. Not everyone gets well either. I am trying hard to not stress about it.
So...hang in there...the positives are that you are healthy.
I know you are a person of faith, and this was on my calendar yesterday. It helped me, with my feelings of stress and sadness, maybe it will help you...."The Scripture says, 'Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all' Psalm 34:19. The Bible says when you've done all you know how to do, just keep on standing strong. You've got to show your enemy you are more determined than he is. Keep fighting the good fight of faith. If you do that, God promises to bring you out with the victory.
Lots of hugs....Timaca
Posts: 2872 | From above 7,000 ft in a pine forest | Registered: Feb 2005
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
When you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel-turn to the light of the world!
Isn't it great to have so many boo hoo buddies in one place? Someplace you can go and shout "this SUCKS" and we all agree? Someplace you can get stronger by airing your weakness?
One of my favorite songs is by Twila Paris "Deep Inside This Armour, the Warrior is a Child" Don't we all feel like that sometimes?
posted
This truly does suck. I'm so sorry you're going to be even more "stretched".
Hang in there, Kelly.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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kelmo
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 8797
posted
Thank you for your support and encouragement. As I moved through the day, I have had to remind myself that the "company" is not our provider. The AZ state insurance system is not my provider.
I have Jehovah Jirah...my Provider. He provided for my daughter today. In record time.
If I have to work full time (for actual money), I will be given the strength.
There are no surprises. There is no luck. There is a plan.
I'm just not sure that living out of our car is the plan I am hoping for. But, for TODAY, our needs are met.
timaca
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 6911
posted
Kelly~ You are right...God is our provider...our sustainer. On my calendar for today is the following (I'm loving this calendar recently) Faith has to do with the unseen world. You may not be able to perceive anything positive happening in your life with your natural eyes today. You may have all kinds of problems, and it doesn't look as though anything is turning around. But don't be discouraged. Look into that invisible world, into the supernatural world, and through your eyes of faith, see that situration turning around. See your joy and peace being restored.
Cobweb~ I LOVE that song from Twila Paris. I have 2 of her CDs, and she has several songs that deal with difficult times. She has ministered to me greatly. And you are so right...it is great to vent here for we ALL understand the horrors of this disease.
Kelly~ I liked your conclusion of focusing on the good...reminds me to do the same. Today my husband is here. I will rejoice in that, knowing this his time (as well as mine) is in God's hands...as is our health.
I pray for health, peace and strength for us all.
Timaca
Posts: 2872 | From above 7,000 ft in a pine forest | Registered: Feb 2005
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