Starphoenix
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 2402
posted
Hey, old friends and those I haven't yet met.
I haven't been here much in awhile.
I've been overwhelmed with severe financial duress, and despite being so sick (almost 23 years now), I need to find part-time work. I've been looking for months....
Anyway, for those who don't know, I've been bitten at least three times before, first time in 1985. I was diagnosed late in 2002. I'm allergic to most antibiotics, and the Lyme is resistant to the two I can take. I have a rife machine, and I'm hoping for the best. I've been doing some treatments since the beginning of the year. No difference yet. I have, or have had, Bartonella, and I have Babesia as well. I'll probably be trying artemisia again soon....
Well, I consider myself a Lyme missionary. I know all about prevention and treatment, and I share the information with others.
When my husband comes in from yard work, I ask if he checked himself for ticks. He uses a natural repellant, and the yard is treated with Sevin. Still, we're in a highly endemic area, and we live in the woods. Can't be too careful!
I am so depressed and angry with myself. I won't walk on my own grass, but I went to talk to neighbors yesterday. It was too hot in the driveway. I was wearing a sundress and little socks. The grass was short, but I knew that didn't mean much. Plus I was under a tree in the shade, and I know that's risky. I don't know what I was thinking, really. I was starved for social contact, and since my husband was with me and others were there, I thought I might be safe. Duh!
On the way home, I saw two angry red-mottled areas with blood in the centers. Itchy, hot to the touch. I thought it strange. I thought they were mosquito bites, or gnat bites.
Today, I noticed marks in other areas of my body (probably disseminated; I don't think that's spelled right). I thought they must be mosquito bites. Then it occurred to me that they might transmit Lyme. Then, I noticed something about those other, definite bites.
They've grown, and they're circular.
I see my doctor on Tuesday. Maybe I can take one of the two antibiotics I CAN take and kick this strain.
I'm very worried. I'm so sad. I'm angry at myself and feeling self-destructive. I'll resist any self-destructive urges, but I'm so, so angry at myself. I knew better.
Thanks for listening. I'll try not to be a stranger now; I care about you folk.
Star
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
star, i'm so sorry to read this on your most recent tick bite again! darn it all.
you are allowed to go out and socialize; darn ticks; don't they ever go on a month's vacation, etc?
so don't blame yourself; you're human with normal urgers to be that way again.
glad you have tues. llmd visit though! best wishes, and try not to dwell on this although i know i'd be too.
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minoucat
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5175
posted
Star -- whoa. Enough with the head pounding! Seriously self destructive self image.
It happens. The hubby's been bitten twice in the past 2 years, despite precautions. Most of life is preventable -- in retrospect!
You might well have gotten mosquito bites, and they might well have been carrying some pathogens (possibly LD/co, or viruses, or other stuff). I can't, in good faith, minimize the potential seriousness of your bite reaction.
On the other hand, you might simply be having a major histamine reaction because your immune system is hyperstimulated.
Whatever it is, you've noticed it early and you've done your best to respond. It's good that you're seeing your doc on Tuesday. Now stick a bottle of repellent by the door, don't go out without it, and try to forgive yourself for being human.
I do know what a horrendous struggle it is to work with this illness, and you have my full sympathy for both the strain of the job search and for having to work--the money worries are hard, hard, hard to cope with. I hope you're not spending to many nights lying awake at 3 am, scared to death (but I know you are. Big hugs.)
This may be scant comfort, but I'll say it anyway: it's amazing how many people get and keep jobs despite the fact that they are clearly not using more than 20% of their brain.
Like the guy at the building department who told my neighbor that he had to have a seismic survey done at considerable cost before his plans to build a barn were approved.
So my neighbor said that HIS neighbor, 1/2 mile away, had had the survey done 6 months ago and they could check the records.
So the building department guy said no, you have to do your own seismic assessment.
So my neighbor said, !#@#!@!! Do you actually think there'll be an earthquake in my pasture but not my neighbor's? We're on the same slab of bedrock!
And the Building department guy said, What's an earthquake got to do with a seismic assessment.
For real.
Best of luck.
-------------------- ********************* RECIDITE, PLEBES! Gero rem imperialem! (Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.)
just don
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1129
posted
Minoucat,
Me thinks your neighbor confused the scesmic survey with some other word that means site survey. Like whether this building is actually on HIS property.
many times lot lines are NOT where people 'think' they are,,,resulting in buildings being built in others property or at LEAST in setback areas where it should NOT be!!
It was just a similiar word, mistaken!!
Star, sorry to hear of your adverse reactions,,are you allergic to any other bug bites?? What does benadryl do for YOU???Did you 'see' an attached tick??
Sure dont want to discount the mosquito carrying other dreaded stuff tho!! Dont freak too soon,,maybe its a false alarm.
Lucky you are smart enough to know to get checked out!! take what you can and see how it goes!!still and always--just don--
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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Starphoenix
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 2402
posted
Thanks so much for your kindness. Yes, I should be gentle with myself. I am human after all. And I thought I was a superhero.
Just Don: I am allergic to stinging insects. Yeah, who knows? I'm glad I was set to see the LLMD on Tuesday anyway. I'll have him evaluate. This one looks so like a Lyme rash.
I appreciate the validation about the financial fears and job issues, 'Cat. And you're right about all the "brain donors" working out there. My biggest fear is with respect to the pain. I have severe, pervasive muscle and joint pain, and everything has failed to relieve it. I keep looking to see if maybe another drug in a class might help, or some other combination.
It's just gotten so bad; we're in severe debt, and I do mean severe. We're in a broken-down trailer, and I hope to keep it. We've done bankruptcy before years ago, and I don't want to go there again. It's much harder and more restrictive now, too.
It's been a run of bad luck here lately: husband in car accident, me in hospital (for what I figured out later was due to a big herx reaction), identity theft (and who would want my identity? ), and the months of fruitless job searching. Now these bites. Something's gotta change for the better. I want to get back to writing my book. I'm writing a poetry book.
Anyway, I'll be coming here regularly again; this is an awesome community, and I appreciate opportunities to help others as well as receive help.
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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minoucat
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5175
posted
Don -- Nope, seismic assessment, really and truly. The BD guy gave him the paperwork and everything.
(He contested it though, and the matter was dropped. The BD guy is still there.)
Star -- I don't have much of practical value to tell you, except for this from my own experience:
1) be sure you're getting enough sleep. It really makes a difference. Given the pain and worry you're experiencing, I think it's likely that you're not getting anywhere near what you need. Get chemical help if need be. Among other things, you can't fake looking like a healthy and employable person if you are not, at a minimum, somewhat rested.
2) While you're job hunting, whenever you pick up the phone or get out of your car, put yourself in the frame of mind that whatever lucky person gets to employ you will get an honest, steady, considerate, capable worker who will be a boon.
Truly -- you know that when you're on the job you'll give it your full focus no matter how horrible you feel and for however long you can. That's more than many people do.
It will really help your body language, tone of voice, the way you dress, the word you use, etc. etc. And for a little while you'll get to live a delightful alternate fantasy life...
I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best.
-------------------- ********************* RECIDITE, PLEBES! Gero rem imperialem! (Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.)
Starphoenix
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 2402
posted
Hey, 'Cat.
Thanks for the job tips!
I wish I could get refreshing sleep. I have a sleep disorder that doesn't allow me to sleep deeply. Still trying to tackle that....
I went to an urgent-care center because some of these bites really concern me. All the doctor said was that they must be black fly bites because of how they bled. He told me to apply warm compresses and elevate my leg. I still want my LLMD to evaluate them on Tuesday. I'm concerned about the systemic symptoms which now include joint pain. There's swelling, redness, and heat.
Yesterday, there was a pink circle around the center angry-red sections. Now, there's not as much pink but more angry redness.
Two times I got tick bites, I never saw a rash. The other time, I did, but it was weird, and I was told it wasn't a Lyme rash. So I really don't know about this. It looked like photos I've seen.
I'm so loopy from Benadryl. I hope I'm making sense.
Thanks so much.
-------------------- Learning to love, and loving to learn. Posts: 1318 | From Shohola, PA | Registered: Apr 2002
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I know all about prevention and treatment, and I share the information with others.![[cussing]](graemlins/cussing.gif)
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), and the months of fruitless job searching. Now these bites. Something's gotta change for the better. I want to get back to writing my book. I'm writing a poetry book.
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