AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Right in the back of the head would be nice and preferably a good clean shot.
Thank you.
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Dear Ali, please elaborate. Putting a hit out on yourself will surely see this thread deleted.
Looking
(or is this about the Cave, Fin thing and I don't know what happened there, don't they get some kind of notification. Maybe it's just an investigation again and they will be right back -- just speculation on my part.)
AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Nothing to do with that. I don't even know what happened.
I was away from the board since Friday AM.
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Well having lyme and struggling to get well, but it never happens is very depressing, like life is passing us by.
One thing that has helped me is that I had a neighbor who was quadraplegic. He never complained though and actually became a Paint by Mouth renowned artist.
Of course he was dependant on others for his personal needs and I always thought to myself that as long as I can wipe my own butt, then what am I complaining about. So when I'm down in the dumps and suffering, I just thank God, that I can still wipe my own butt.
At least it's one thing I can be grateful for when I feel like giving up.
Sorry, you're feeling so bad. Posts: 590 | From Canada | Registered: Oct 2007
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Oh AliG,
I am so sorry you are not feeling well.
How about I send you some prayers and Angels to comfort you and
Hold you until this passes....
If you knew how many times I've said the same thing.
Mine today was somebody cut my head off so I can get rid of this headache.
Hang in there.
Prayers on there way.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
Ali said.. "Someone shoot me please! Right in the back of the head would be nice and preferably a good clean shot."
Oh no....
You herxing again dear one?
If so.. shooting doesn't really help the situation.
And it tends to make a lot of work for those left behind.. and oh such a mess to deal with too!
So other than THAT request.. do you have any thing else? Keep in mind I don't do windows.. but will gladly try about anything else you are in need of having done.
Now DO respond.. as you have me worried about you. OK?
complain more if you need to ....we're listening...(or reading)....
mtree
-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Sorry
No need to worry, I wouldn't do it myself. That's why I'm making this request for assistance.
It's just my life, not a herx. I'm having a bit of a problem with depression and possibly hypersensitivity. ????
My grandmother just passed away on Friday, so I was away until this afternoon trying to help deal with "things" that needed to be dealt with.
I had not been thinking about some marital "issues" I'd been having and I seemed to have just been somewhat slapped in the face with them (my perspective) upon my return.
I'm feeling incredibly frustrated & can not find words to express exactly what I am feeling.
I think my DH may be trying to understand what I am going through, after a VERY long time of his thinking that I would be well if I would just "think positively" and that I have been some kind of whiny wimp (not even close , in fact I tried not to let him see my struggle).
He still really seems to have NO idea what I am going through and it often seems to me as though his ONLY real concern for my well-being is generated by his desire to resolve my libido problems.
He would probably argue with that but I can't help feeling that way when it becomes a VERY frequent topic of conversation.
There was even a time when he REFUSED to believe that it had been painful and I believe this has left some emotional scars. Every time he brings up this "problem" of mine, it seems to reopen the emotional wounds. I have some pre-Lyme scars, which he was aware of, that made this whole thing even more traumatic for me.
I have been trying to get over this, but it just seems like the emotional scab keeps getting ripped back off before I can fully come to grips with it.
It almost seems like his knowing that it had actually become physically painful gave him greater interest & I can't help but find that very disturbing.
I guess I'm hoping that, once my Lyme is in remission, I'll find that my disturbances over these issues were just magnified out of proportion by Lyme-hypersensitivity. I am afraid that I might not find that to be the case.
I just don't know what to think, say or do. I don't know how to deal with this and, in trying to deal with the loss of my grandmother, I REALLY didn't want to have to start thinking about this again right now.
I really would rather just be shot in the back of the head so I don't need to try to think, especially when thinking about ANYTHING is really not so easy at the present time, let alone anything of a serious nature.
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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just don
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1129
posted
YOU,,, my dear,,,only get SHOTS of laughter and support!!!
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
So sorry to hear about your Grandma AliG... so sorry.
Hugs to you.
And the stress of that combined with everything else revolving around Lyme is going to make you feel worse... no doubt.
As for the DH thing... you have to remember several things... aside from the fact that they often approach you KNOWING you will shove them away.
I think they teach them that in highschool? Anyhow.. the other things...
1. Men are pigs sometimes, it's their nature.
2. Woman can be too sensitive sometimes, especially when feeling bad.
At least that is what I concluded from all your words above.
And it's true!
So your bad news combined with all of the above.. no wonder you want to be shot!!!
BUT.. there are many ways to deal with these problems... other than a shot in the head.
1. A base ball bat for DH.. and I don't mean to play with!
2. A short trip away from home... alone.
3. A counsler.
I hope it is just a temporary thing and soon you will get back to feeling better and be more like you. I know it is frustrating.. but hang in there.
Some day soon you will be all over DH.. and in a nice way.
As far as the husband stuff........ .....been down that road......
I think once we feel better physicaly....we can then want pleasure....
being in constant pain is so awful.....
I know for me once the pain level is under control then I'm able to think, feel and want pleasure.
the other thing is........maybe a councelor would help....just to get some stuff out.....
my husband and I on and off went to counceling over the years....especially when I was first sick...... it really helped us......we went seperate and together.....
we had always had good communication but like everything else....Lyme took that away....
also my husband has jumped on this website a few times.....which really helped him .... reading about other people and what they were going through helped him to understand more of what I'm going through.
I hope today is a brighter day for you.... it sure is sunny out there............
mtree
-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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just don
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1129
posted
Ali,
So sorry,,,I was taking a long time to post that complete with an inyeruption,,,didnt se your last post before mine.
IF I had read that first I never would have said what said!!
I am sincerely sad and offer condolances for your grandmothers death.
As to your 's.o.' NOT understanding this disease,,,would we understand IF we didnt walk in OUR shoes??
I do think it helps a ton,,,to just get them to read on this site,,more the better,,,understanding HAS to follow!!
So sorry for my out of PLACE post!!while --just don--
-------------------- just don Posts: 4548 | From Middle of midwest | Registered: May 2001
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
How about we shoot your husband in the back of the head?
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tickled1
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 14257
posted
Hi AliG,
I understand what you mean about hoping you can get over the emotional scars when you go into remission. My husband has said and done things he can't take back.
To give an example: I can't work b/c of this stupid disease so he is paying all the bills of course and my insurance is through him. He was having a bad day and was venting and going on and on. It was really stressing me out so I told him and he said something along to line of "Well, the way I see it you kind of work for me right now since I take care of everything around here so if I'm complaining you have to deal with it".
It's the "you work for me" part that is always in the back of my head now and always comes up when we have a fight. I feel useless enough with this disease and that compounded that terribly.
I'm hoping that one day when I'm well we can put stuff like that behind us. I just try to remind myself how hard this is on him as well.
I often feel the need to get away by myself too although it hasn't happened yet due to financial issues. I think it would help a lot though to do that once in awhile.
Posts: 2541 | From Northeast | Registered: Jan 2008
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Ali, my dear friend....I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. That is always a tough one. Try to remember all the wonderful things about her and think of those things.
As for your hubby....hmmmm....How about you promise the togetherness if he'll read on lymenet for 30 min twice a week??
Be sure to be there to make sure he reads!!
I'll be praying for your comfort and healing.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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posted
AliG--so sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope you will take what time you need to grieve and not try to smoothe all those emotions over.
I think the suggestions to seek counseling are good ones. I've no idea what your husband is thinking, but he's apparently operating under some misguided notions.
Does your husband go with you to your LLMD appointments? If not, it might be time for him to start.
Please accept my condolences. I'll keep you and your grandmother in my prayers. Posts: 237 | From Rhode Island | Registered: Jan 2008
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lymednva
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9098
posted
Ali, been there in so many ways. Believe me, shooting you is not the answer.
If your hubby will read on Lymenet, that's great. If he won't, then I'd vote for counseling, with him, or without, which ever works best.
I heard a lot of BS from my ex when I had no idea I was ill. I just thought every mother of three active kids whose hubby traveled all the time felt like I did.
Now I know better. I was told all kinds of not so nice things. They do take a toll on you, thus my advice for counseling.
Hang in there. Things will get better. Sometimes we just have to give them a little extra help to get there.
-------------------- Lymednva Posts: 2407 | From over the river and through the woods | Registered: Apr 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
Ali, my heartfelt sympathies to you on your beloved grandma! I hope you may find comfort in my poem collection below.
If you have grandma on a video, play it often when you are sad and missing her! great hearing their voices/laughter and watching their mannerisms and gestures.
if no video, get out your favorite grandma/YOU photos remembering the occasions they were taken and even what might have been said.
May God comfort you now and in the days, months, and years ahead.
AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
I have to thank you all for your kind words & support. You are such a great group of people.
I was fit to be tied when I initially started this thread and I thank you all for being there to help me calm down and get through my frustration.
My DH has been reading & posting here, since he had become aware of my feelings of disgusted frustration a couple of months ago. I do have to give him credit for finally trying to understand.
I have a feeling that there are many spouses out there who don't realize how their words and actions hurt their loved ones until it is too late. They never take the time to actually read and understand the horrible toll this disease takes on us, in so many ways.
I would imagine that it would be a normal response, for those who are not diagnosed at the onset of illness, to try not to let your spouse see that you are falling apart, especially when you can't come up with a medically acceptable reason for it. I think that we do not want what is happening to us to be true, so we spend a lot of effort in denial & disbelief ourselves.
Perhaps it does take something of the emotional equivalent to the swing of a bat to the head for some to realize the magnitude of our problem.
For those who's spouses never made an effort or never "got it". I am so sorry you had to endure such horrible emotional pain.
I do truly believe that it would be better to suffer this alone than with someone who criticizes and belittles you and makes you feel even worse than you already do. That really is not love, IMO.
People who love each other should strive to help each other face the difficulties that life throws our way, they shouldn't add to them. It is very hurtful when someone, who professes to love you, only acts in a loving manner when it is convenient or they feel that they stand to gain something in return by acting that way.
Bejoy posted a wonderful letter, Dear Husband, that I think anyone faced with a spouse who does not understand might like to pass on. I think it may have helped give DH some better perspective of my present reality.
Just Don, You should have seen the quizzical look on my face when I read your first post. (LOL) I am all too familiar with the taking to long to finish a post & then having it seem somewhat out of place after other posts fall in before mine. I just hate when that happens to me.
You all have made a lot of very good and helpful points.
Laura J, My heart breaks for you knowing just how awful that must have made you feel. They have no idea how awful it feels to be unable to do everything you want to do whenever you want to do it.
They have no idea how awful it feels to think of yourself as worthless because you are unable to make the contributions you would so want to make.
If your DH could just imagine himself being unable to work, through no choice of his own, being unable to do much of anything and having ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL over it, I think he might see things differently.
As just don pointed out, that is not something people who are unaffected could ever really possibly fathom. I certainly could never have imagined how this feels if I were not living it. It's positively senseless at times.
As for my sensitivity.....is it Lyme? is it hormones? is it actually valid human emotion??? Who knows?? I don't really know how to discern the cause of my emotions and whether I'm actually being hypersensitive or just sensitive. I try to give DH the benefit of the doubt there because I know it MAY be possible for Lyme to effect me this way.
I also know that I have a tendency to try to make myself responsible for everything bad or unpleasant that happens in my life. I guess I might subconsciously feel that, if I am somehow responsible for negative things, I can find a way to prevent them from recurring.
I guess it makes this disease even harder to take when you are always looking to find fault with yourself anyway because it gives you so much to find.
In talking to my DH, I do believe that reading all the things that have been said, with regard to the marital/relationship difficulties faced by those battling TBDs & those closest to them, has helped him gain a better understanding of what we both are dealing with. Thank you all for that.
I also have to thank TC for the "bat" idea and Cobby for her wonderful suggestion. I have to admit Cobby, I burst out laughing & almost fell off the chair. You always seem to be able to make me laugh when I really need to. You truly have a gift.
Thank you all for your sympathy and condolences. My Grandmother & I had been very close through the years. She was quite the spitfire all her life and had an amazing zest for life. She declined rapidly & suffered a great deal over the past couple of years. It was very painful to see her suffering so, knowing there was no way to help.
While I will truly miss her, I am actually glad that her suffering has ended. I am glad for the good times that we shared. I am glad that I had her in my life for as long as I did.
Thanks again everyone for always being here for me when I need you.
Ali
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
ALI, keep an eye out for all the pennies grandma will be dropping all over the place for you! it's her way of saying, I'M STILL HERE ALI!
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Cobweb
Unregistered
posted
quote:Originally posted by AliG: My DH has been reading & posting here
Is it too late? or do I have a post I need to delete? He's not a violent man is he?
Just don't let him go to Off Topic and read my latest comments about sex selection abortions.
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
I am a husband and unfortunetly my wife understands completly or almost completly she has lyme which she didnt until after I shared it.
It deffinatly opens the other halfs eyes when they get it.
Sorry your husband dosent quite grasp the pain of feeling like you have gout in every joint at one time or another or that he dosent understand aching like you have the flu everyday or that you lose your balance when you never did before or you cant follow a conversation everytime or you see spots or your eyes water or that you have pain that jumps atround like it got a foot on fire. Geez he's missed so much.
If only he could grasp these things while having to take medication every damn day.
Husband one to another support your wife dont be so inconsiderate. By the way if you think iam a puss I FIGHT FOREST FIRES EVERY YEAR OR I DID I USE TO WORK OUT every other BENCHING 250LBS DEAD LIFT 750LBS
and I also marked timber which required up and down side hills all day long and I could drink a case of beer when the rest of you wusses were still the ground I was standing and talking I use to kill my buck & turkeys every year killed bear,and fished when I could so be considerate to your other half you may already have been introduced to lyme through sex but it is or seems to harder for a woman to pass it compared to aman. So be nice and help as much as you can resist being like others.
This goes for everyone Good luck.
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
posted
tree, great comments from a husband's perspective and also sharing about your former life BEFORE lyme....
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AliG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9734
posted
Tree
I can't even imagine how awful, angry and frustrated you must feel, having passed this to the woman you love, especially being such a thoughtful, caring man.
Yes, it is still possible to be thoughtful, caring & still tough and rugged at the same time. It's a shame that some men don't realize this. IMO, that is the difference between a true man and a self-centered thug.
My DH has said to me that he would gladly take take this on himself, if he could, and fight it for me. Of course I thought to myself, SURE that's easy for you to say, Mr. big, chivalrous man would tackle this for me because I'm a wimp.
DH just could not win with me because I KNEW he had NO CLUE what I was going through. I really resented that he had seemed so disinterested in actually understanding my nightmare.
I AM NOT A WIMP!!! I never have been a wimp. I used to do many things, ALL BY MYSELF, that the average man would likely have the sense to get a buddy to help him with.
At 5'4 115 lbs, that would take not only strength but a great deal of will & determination. I derived great satisfaction from not letting obstacles defeat me.
I was going to go on and tell you about all that I had been capable of prior to being infected, but then I realized, that right now, I have been reduced to wimpdom and OH HOW RESENTFUL I am.
I NEVER, EVER had to rely on someone else to get things done and that's part of what makes this SO frustrating for me.
FWIW dear friend, I would much rather have been taken down by being supportive of the man I love and thereby being able to understand what he was going through, than to being taken out by a STUPID FREAKING TICK!!!!!
My LLMD said that "barrier protection" should be sufficient to prevent sexual transmission. It really rots but I believe it is a "necessary evil" to avoid infecting/reinfecting each other when you are fighting to get rid of these buggers.
I had to come across that transmissibility info myself & actually ask my Dr about it. IMO, that would be something they should tell a patient right away. Then again, by the time we get to a LLMD, chances are we could have already passed it anyway.
It's not bad enough that those in a position to disseminate important information with regard to TBDs let people walk around thinking that there's no problem unless they get a bulls-eye rash, they let them unknowingly pass it around. What on earth is WRONG WITH THEM!!??!!
This is yet another reason to be angry with those who should be informing the general public but who continue to do little to nothing. If the fact that TBDs are sexually transmissible was highly publicized, people would know to protect their partners in the event that they may have been infected.
Though I guess they wouldn't think it was so important if they are wrongly thinking that it is easily diagnosed & cured. MORONS!!!
I am glad that your wife understands what you are going through and sorry that it's because she's suffering too.
-------------------- Note: I'm NOT a medical professional. The information I share is from my own personal research and experience. Please do not construe anything I share as medical advice, which should only be obtained from a licensed medical practitioner. Posts: 4881 | From Middlesex County, NJ | Registered: Jul 2006
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treepatrol
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 4117
posted
Remember this old saying when it comes to your husband.
What goes around comes around .
He may learn the hardway.
-------------------- Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Remember Iam not a Doctor Just someone struggling like you with Tick Borne Diseases.
map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
Ali, I remember when I used to tell my husband that. I told him many times, just take me out back and shoot me. I was joking, but I was feeling so bad them days that I had to make jokes and laugh to keep from crying.
Blessings, I haven't felt like saying that in a couple years. You too shall get there. Patience my dear, patience. Persistance pays off too.
Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6478 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
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Is it too late? or do I have a post I need to delete? He's not a violent man is he?
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