sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
This is so exciting and scary for me. I feel like you all are the only ones that can truly understand.
So let me try to briefly explain. I've been sick since the summer of 'O4.
Had to give up my job, all volunteer activities, and pretty much all social activities over time. I have a few good friends that have stuck by me even though we may only talk on the phone or get together once a month or so.
I struggle mainly with fatigue, lots of neuro, and cognitive symptoms. I'm barely barely able to keep up with my part-time job. It keeps me sane and allows me to interact with others. When i'm not at work i'm resting/recovering from work.
So here comes the interesting part. I met this wonderful, sweet, fun med student at work. His rotation at my work ended a couple weeks ago. We've kept in touch very briefly through email.
Now he's asked me out to dinner! We have many similar interests and beliefs. He is exactly the type of person that I would love to date. I'm just torn because I don't know if i'm able to commit the time/energy that it takes to develop a relationship.
And I've just started working with an LLMD a couple months ago, had trouble getting the appropriate testing done, havn't even gotten the results back, just started Amoxil, Biaxin, Plaquinel, Enula, and Nystatin earlier this month.
Prior to seeing LLMD was diagnosed with Lyme, Babs, Bart, Erlichia, and Mycoplasma by my ND.
So, I really want to be able to go on this date and at least develop a closer friendship with him.
Can you please help me think of some date activities that require little/no energy?
And the stupid Lyme diet. Ideas for eating out?
And how do I even begin to explain that I have Lyme and Co. It is going to have to be addressed because it seriously affects my life right now.
Any suggestions, ideas, help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks so much Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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posted
How about going to see a movie? As far as eating out, you'll just have to do the best you can for the diet. Or plan a picnic?
I think you should be upfront about your illness, but try not to give the impression that it rules your life (hard, since it may). If your date wants to date again, than you may have a winner.
As far as energy for a relationship goes, it could be the best thing. Feeling good helps you feel better and it's good for your health. Life without friendship/companionship is no fun!
Don't forget not to drink and use a condom!
Posts: 524 | From Hudson Valley, NY | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
What about a nice dinner out? Maybe a walk afterward? A date doesn't need to be complicated.
Don't worry about talking about Lyme ahead of time ... if it comes up, then talk about it, but keep it brief, don't dominate conversation with it. Turn the conversation back to him, but not so much so that you come across as hiding something.
Generally, at home I avoid white flour, white rice, etc. but when I eat out I don't worry about it .... just skip drinks and dessert.
I order tonic water with lime when others are having alcoholic drinks ... it seems like a drink, and I don't like it that much so I sip it.
Have fun! Remember, he's the same guy you've already been talking to.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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As for diet, just order protein and a vegetable. Avoid the bread or any starches.
Yes, a movie sounds great... or dinner and a short walk... whatever you're up to.
Tell him about your illness in snippets. A little at a time. Don't make it the big deal it really is.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
yippee; yippee
life outisde of lyme again!!! how wonderful!
i agree with the rest; take it a day at a time, and just savor these FUN minutes of going back to a NORMAL life.
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
Thank you all so much for the support and good advice. I really do appreciate your thoughts Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
A hot date, eh? Good for you!!!
If I were so lucky... I would go and forget Lyme for the night. Have fun!
Chances are you aren't going to discuss your last oil change or the last time you scrubbed the toilet... so not to worry about talking Lyme.
Forget it for now. Make this your "other life".
And if he says let's go eat an ice cream sundae... do it!
stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
congrats: since i'm the only male responding let me give you a few pointers.
i would certainly go out with him enjoy yourself. happiness is one of the few things in life that cause endorphins to increase. this will actually make you tend to feel better. the happier you are the better the body works.
i personally would not mention lyme on the first couple of dates. just enjoy yourself and not worry about your illness. if you start to get close to this person then is the time to lay out the story,not at dinner on the first date.
life is too short with happy events as a lymie and you must enjoy to the full extent.
docdave Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I liked Doc Dave's advice.
I had a professor who use to say...Fake it until you make it.
Kind of hard to do with lyme.
But, hoping your health will be able to be "normal" for you for at least a couple of times.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
You guys are great!
Catskill and Tin, you make me laugh but don't worry, we're both a little old fashioned when it comes to that stuff
Docdave, thanks for chiming in with a male's point of view. You just had surgery right? How are your knees healing?
Thanks again for all who have give me advice and encouragement. It really helps:)
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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stymielymie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10044
posted
knees are great 2months on one and 4 weeks on other
still sore but can walk,starting to walk stairs. rode bike 15 minutes yesterday ,but couldn't walk well today. just takes time. AND NO LYME FLAREUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ENJOY LIFE AND YOUR DATE!!!!!!!!!!
DOCDAVE Posts: 1820 | From Boone and Southport, NC | Registered: Sep 2006
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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While it's been a long time since I had to think about a date, I'm a pro at trying to find places that I can handle. I always have to find out about background music, too, but I hope that is of no concern to you. Still, you'd want a place where you are able to hear each other talk.
as for "the stupid Lyme diet" - I don't think it's stupid at all. EVERYONE should eat like that. It's a healthful way of eating.
Many people have to avoid gluten who do not have lyme. The plus for us is that, sometimes, we might be able to eat a little wheat and not suffer as a true celiac would right away. Still, it's quite possible to dine out and avoid gluten so that your energy and brain function are a sharp as possible and you don't get pay-back (so you can do this more often).
Can you find a restaurant that serves healthy food?
If Chinese Food is mentioned, you might offer a Thai or Vietnamese restaurant instead as their sauces are not as heavy with cornstarch nor as sugary - but they are hotter. Mild is still hot. And some even at a Chinese restaurant, you can ask for steamed veggies/chicken - or saute'd with no sauce.
But you can get lots of steamed veggies, chicken and the white rice won't be so bad with all the veggies. Be certain to ask for NO MSG or find a restaurant that avoids it altogether (but you still have to ask if they use bottled sauces that might contain it).
[Edited to add: as TuTu reminds, sauces often also contain wheat in addition to MSG - and you never know if they mix flour in when cooking - calling in advance helps.]
Ethnic restaurants are a big hit. Mediterranean food is healthy and very tasty.
Depending upon the budget, soup or salad, fish (or chicken) with wild rice, vegetables and a fruit cup or sorbet for dessert is a meal many people would order. If you get a salad, think ahead as to how you may react to the salad dressing.
Be sure to eat protein so that your energy can be up. Salmon makes me feel so much better. As that is expensive to order on a date, I would actually have some at home beforehand to bolster me for the evening. Wild salmon helps my brain like nothing else.
If you eat any trans fats -fried foods - your body may not get you through the rest of the date. So, it's really good to find out how a meal will be prepared.
You can call the restaurant beforehand and run over the menu in detail if they are not busy. Many restaurants have on-line menus. You can also call ahead and ask about a quiet corner table or booth - or plan to go before or after the main dinner rush.
If asked about an alcoholic drink, just say you really feel like having an iced tea.
If asked about an after-dinner drink, say: "a hot tea would really hit the spot."
---
As for a movie selection: I don't know when you last went to a movie or how sound sensitive you might be, but if you can find a smaller theater - not a huge cinemax - your system won't be so bombarded.
Also, now in many theaters there is no quiet time before the previews begin. It's a non-stop commercial. And they are loud.
So, you might prepare to scurry in, leave a jacket on your seat, scamper back out so that you might talk in the hallway. It's okay to say you just don't like all that stuff before hand. Many people don't.
You can find movie reviews on line- Ebert's site has good ones.
You might still take ear plugs for both of you if the movie turns out to be loud.
Honestly, I'm not trying to rain on your parade, just helping you find a parade that won't send you flying.
This time of the year there may be short concerts in parks. Ususally these are from groups more mellow in nature so that conversation is easy. -
If you opt for taking a picnic, I'd get it from a healthy deli or market or cook it two days' prior so that you have your strength for the date.
-
If you feel like you must explain anything, a simple perky voice with a "gotta watch my health" usually works. "Gotta get my beauty sleep" works if you need to get on home.
"My energy is a little low right now" or "I need a little breather" is quite okay if roller-skating is suggested. It's honest but does not dive into a murky pool. It shows you are good at monitoring and taking care of yourself.
I hope you do enjoy yourself. Ask questions and then you don't have to talk so much.
If on a picnic and you feel the need to rest, it's fine to say "I'd love a little nap under a tree - if you want to (read your book, take a short stroll, etc.) feel free." -- This is done everyday by lots of people. It's okay to lounge where you can, especially in summer - but choose an activity where that will look normal.
It's not tricking or pretending, it's just how you take care of yourself as you exert your right to have fun. If pressed and you feel the need to explain anything about your health, just say "Oh, this body just needs some special care" - then roll your eyes like an "oh, well" moment and move on in conversation.
It's okay, if asked further, "eh, no need to go into boring details right now. Everyone's got to look after themselves."
Be sure to take a couple citronella candles in glass jars and matches to keep mosquitoes away - always good to have that in the car.
Other options (air conditioned) would be art galleries or shops, museums, lectures (which are great to propel conversation afterward) . . . you might check out the schedule of your area's folk music association - or blue-grass or whatever. These are often NOT advertised, but most have websites. The same with recitals at college music departments. These can be quite nice.
A house concert would be so great. Usually, very affordable ($10-$12 per person) and in a cozy and intimate setting. Just google "house concerts" and you may find some in your area.
One great thing about house concerts is that, at the break, you have other people to talk to also - and that takes the stress off of having to always be on your toes. All those people there for the sake of home-made music also adds to the overall energy and spark of life.
You will find wonderful, down-to-earth people at folks events. And, I see you are in Ohio - the home of Folk Alley - www.folkalley.com -you might see if they sponsor events in your state.
Whatever you decide, I hope you enjoy yourself. It's got to be fun, this celebrating life and the living.
-
Remember to take small citronella candles and matches, wherever you go! There are also some citronella sprays.
-
[ 18. June 2008, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Keebler.. Chinese restaurants are out for celiacs. All of the sauces contain wheat.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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TuTu,
thanks for the reminder about wheat in many of the sauces, not just in most soy sauces. So, it's not just to avoid MSG.
I knew there was a reason I also left the sauce off but forgot why.
I've been known to take my own wheat-free tamari (in a tiny container)( or a small bottle of my own herb seasoning to add to plain steamed veggies. I mix in sea salt, too.
A travel seasoning packet is also great for salads - and then adding a touch of olive oil from the restaurant (vinegar is hard for some folks with yeast issues - and it makes me sweat).
Even opening up a bag of mint tea and adding to a salad - or even vegetables and chicken is really a nice treat. I do that with lentil soup a lot.
It's important for me, if doing these little tricks, not to think I HAVE to do it differently, but to say "this is how I like it."
-
[ 18. June 2008, 04:34 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Just kidding - do whatever you feel comfortable with,
but I still tease my husband - we met on a blind date 10 years ago for dinner and he asked to split the check
-------------------- "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us" - e.m. forster Posts: 921 | From PA | Registered: Jan 2004
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
I think lymetoo probably gave best advice. However , I always state it UP FRONT to save myself time. If the person has ANY reservations about a partner with health challenges , then I know we are not a match . That does not mean that we might not be good friends, but I hope eventually someone will come along who will look past a broken body and want me forwhat is inside . If the prospects are daunted , then I do not want to waste my time or theirs .
I agree with lymetoo that you do not have to go into detail in great depth immediately . I could easily love someone with a missing limb, or with a serious challenge . I am looking for someone with the same kind of heart and commitment to unconditional love. I am realistic to know that souls as such described are RARE with the values of our culture . That is OKAY , because I seek someone who does NOT have a shallow value system .
posted
I think lymetoo probably gave best advice. However , I always state it UP FRONT to save myself time. If the person has ANY reservations about a partner with health challenges , then I know we are not a match . That does not mean that we might not be good friends, but I hope eventually someone will come along who will look past a broken body and want me forwhat is inside . If the prospects are daunted , then I do not want to waste my time or theirs .
I agree with lymetoo that you do not have to go into detail in great depth immediately . I could easily love someone with a missing limb, or with a serious challenge . I am looking for someone with the same kind of heart and commitment to unconditional love. I am realistic to know that souls as such described are RARE with the values of our culture . That is OKAY , because I seek someone who does NOT have a shallow value system .
who says he's perfect..... ya never know.....he might have his own challenges.....
If he did work with you.....he may already know....
just go enjoy yourself.....maybe he needs the companionship as much as you do....
have fun...... mtree
-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
Lymetoo, if you miss chinese, PF Changs has a gluten free menu.
Many restaurants do these days for those who need to be gluten free.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
The anticipation and excitement has definitely made this week brighter for me:)
Unfortunately my friend is in the middle of his surgery rotation and being on call has been much more demanding than anticipated. He got stuck with call again this weekend so we're looking at getting together sometime next weekend.
It's fun to actually think and talk about "normal stuff" like dating isn't it?
Since seeing my LLMD, getting diagnosed, and finally starting proper treatment I feel such a huge relief. I feel like I can begin to hope and dream for the future again.
There is so much to live for...
We lymies need to keep hope.
Thank you all for being excited with me:) I'll keep you posted as things happen.
PS: DocDave, glad to hear you're doing so well. Thank God you haven't had a lyme flare! Sounds like you are healing fast, even for a "normal" person.
And Tin, congrats on the grandbaby:)
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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sammy,
Thanks for the update. It's cute to sense your excitement and heartening to hear your hope.
You clearly have a good heart and a shining spirit.
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mtree
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