Tracy9
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7521
posted
Will I ever be normal again?
I just want to do normal things again.
I want to make dinner and set the table. I want to make sure the kids brush and floss each night. I want to go grocery shopping. I want to change all the sheets once a week. I want to load the kids in the car and go on a daytrip. I want to get dressed every day. I want to fit in my clothes again. I want to barbeque and eat out on the deck. I want to invite friends over. I want to do my nails. I want to clean my house. I want to weed my garden. I want to pay my bills. I want to chat on the phone with a friend. I want to send birthday cards. I want to go to see the fireworks. I want to clean up all the piles of papers everywhere. I want to go to the Post Office. I want to empty the trash. I want to take my dog for a walk. I want to take a shower every day by myself. I want to take my kids for a haircut. I want to go for a haircut. I want to get my son to bed on time. I want to make sure my son gets dressed every day. I want my son to do something other than watch TV. I want to go outside. I want to write letters to people. I want to clean out a closet. I want to be able to write without my hands shaking. I want to be able to fall asleep before midnight. I want to get out of bed. I want to be able to walk without banging into the walls. I want to stop dropping and breaking everything. I want to work. I want to be involved with my children's schools. I want to go on a date with my husband. I want to do the laundry. I want to drive. I want to be able to take my kids on vacation. I want to listen to music. I want to go running. I want to read a book. I want to hang out in the yard with my kids. I want to get to the dentist. I want to be able to pay my bills. I want to get up before noon. I want to organize my son's drawers and closets. I want to take my kids clothes shopping. I want to bake some cookies. I want to take some pictures.
I want to be part of this world while I am still in it. I want to think about something other than Lyme Disease.
13 years Lyme & Co.; Small Fiber Neuropathy; Myasthenia Gravis, Adrenal Insufficiency. On chemo for 2 1/2 years as experimental treatment for MG. Posts: 4480 | From Northeastern Connecticut | Registered: Jun 2005
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I've been on IV for the last six weeks. And it's been rough-- trips to the er for problems with the picc line, severe adhesive allergy, driving 1 hour and 45 minutes each way for treatment, fighting with the local ID doc to get treated here, etc.
BUT, walking across the yard yesterday (a complete impossibility a few weeks ago) I said to my husband "you know what--I could become an IV drug addict because I feel ok right now!"
No kidding. It's gross, my arms are bruised and scabbed, I look like a heroin addict, I'm having to spend 1-3 hours per day dealing with getting treatment, but heck-- I can parent!! I can cook!! I can get out of bed!!
I'm scared of relapsing. Scared Sh1t. I am thowing EVERYTHING at this. Bought a rife machine, major detox, accupunture, herbs, abx, quit everything bad-sugar, alcohol, etc., etc.
I hope it works and I hope you find a way that works too
Posts: 524 | From Hudson Valley, NY | Registered: Jul 2007
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Tracy9
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7521
posted
Thank you, that gives me hope. I've been at this for four years and have never had IVs yet, but that is definitely where I am going next.
Thanks for the encouragment. This is just what I needed to read today!
13 years Lyme & Co.; Small Fiber Neuropathy; Myasthenia Gravis, Adrenal Insufficiency. On chemo for 2 1/2 years as experimental treatment for MG. Posts: 4480 | From Northeastern Connecticut | Registered: Jun 2005
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
tracy,
thanks for expressing yourself so well; it's what we are all thinking.
when was the last time we planned ANYTHING EXCEPT FOR DRS. APPTS?
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
I want you to feel better.
I'd have to edit your list though.
I want my husband to take out the trash, walk the dogs, etc.
I do these things because nobody else will.
I've never been able to really take care of myself to get well and heal.
Print your list out.
You are going to get better.
Then you can start marking those "I want to's....." off your list.
Celebrate with every one. Something special for yourself.
Hang in there my friend.
Sending your positive thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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Thank you for your I want list..........you are not alone with that list....I have the same... want to's.....
sometimes its good just to write it all down...get it out of you....
sending you positive thoughts and prayers... mtree
-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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feelfit
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12770
posted
I hear you with a resounding clarity Tracy
feelfit
Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007
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-------------------- worrying about tomorrow takes its strength away from today Posts: 970 | From Point PLeasant , NJ | Registered: Jan 2008
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I read this post yesterday. It really stuck with me.
Wanted to let you know that I have started to be able to do some of those things on your list.
It started with being able to take out the trash (via power chair)
Then I started to be able to do my own grocery shopping....via power chair and senior van and keeping it short and simple...can't do the list thing...just let things pop in my head and then get them.
Lately able to take a stand up shower. Last week I was able to take a shower 4 out of 7 days.
All of this started within the last year after almost 7 years of not being able to do these things.
I like your list and can see you eventually being able to return and mark things off of your list as you are able.
thinking of starting my own list when I am able.
many of the old symptoms have dissappeared. it is amazing how quickly I forget about them until something happens and they re appear.
So, good to have something like your list to remind us what it use to be like once we start to take some things for granted.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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bejoy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 11129
posted
Hey Tracy, you'll get there. I could have written the same list a year and a half ago, except, like Geneal, I'll let my husband walk the dog and take out the trash. It felt pretty hopeless and out of control!
Come to think of it, I may have written a similar list, although I'm sure mine was a lot more whiney!
Even though I am doing more lyme treatment again, I now do all those things, except weeding and going to the dentist.
There is light at the end of the lyme tunnel. Keep your eyes on the prize.
I agree with Cat. Throw everything at it that makes sense to you, especially if it isn't a bank breaker, and you can do it from home.
Congratulations on your progress, Kam!
-------------------- bejoy!
"Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -Ralph Waldo Emerson Posts: 1918 | From Alive and Well! | Registered: Feb 2007
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Clarissa
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4715
posted
Tracy,
I'm so sorry you're feeling blue. I think we've all had the exact thoughts you're feeling.
Why must everything be a struggle? It's like walking around with heavy bricks attached to your feet and weighing down your shoulders.
It's amazing that the things we consider productive when we are sick are the things we used to do quickly IN BETWEEN our life events.
Now, these little things are our life events. I have almost forgotten how to live. This experience has brought me to my knees and I don't even know where to start.
I pray that the list you made will not only be possible but will be things you do just naturally in between big events and joyful affairs.
Unfortunately, there is a part of me that never wants to talk about Lyme Disease again yet I also feel that I was given this pain and knowledge for a reason because there are so many that need to be comforted and given hope and light.
You have such a strong and joyful spirit. Please don't let these ******* buggers squash that beautiful light around you.
One day at a time and remember that there are many people who used to be on this board and are no longer here...that's because they're better and busy doing all the things on your list.
I'm in the midst of getting back to that list but I still feel compelled to be on Lymenet because I've never met kinder, funnier, smarter or empathetic people.
One day, we will know what happens at the end of the book but we can't whip through the pages and read that last page.
So faith is all we have for now. I am here for you if you need to vent, laugh or cry.
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