lymeladyinNY
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10235
posted
I haven't posted in awhile. I've been feeling almost like a deer in the headlights. I've become immobilized by too much coming at me at once.
Anyway, I'm feeling upset this morning so I thought I'd share. My husband was talking to our neighbor last night and he told my husband that the reason the whole neighborhood has given us the snub is that they were irritated that the ambulance was called so much when we first moved into our house.
At the time I had severe bartonella symptoms and was in terrible pain with full-body spasms. I would scream all the time and couldn't control it at home.
Instead of being sympathetic and coming over to offer any type of support, these people pointedly started to give me the cold-shoulder. Their formerly friendly children were in on it, too. It's been three years and the snubbing is still going on.
I knew they were snubbing me because I have Lyme disease, but I'm stunned to find out it all started because of a few ambulance calls. I can't believe how shallow, cold, and mean so many people are.
I was glad our neighbor told my husband because I often wondered what was truly on my other neighbors' minds. This particular man said once he heard all the gossip against me he's done everything he can to avoid these small-minded people. The thing is, I think his wife is one of THEM, if you know what I mean.
I told my husband I want to move from this house but he told me we're likely to run into these kinds of people everywhere.
No wonder I've become a hermit. I wasn't paranoid after all! I did think I was imagining the snubs for a long time so I pathetically tried to wave, smile and say hello to these people for many months.
Now I don't care to ever lay eyes on them. Once again, I'm called to take the high road. It's hard when your baser self tells you to get revenge somehow!!
I like to think I'm above that, and most of the time, I am.
Well, it's good to get in touch again. Take care - Lymelady
-------------------- I want to be free Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006
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ConnieMc
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 191
posted
Many New Yorkers are moving down south and it is easy to spot them as they tend to be somewhat abrasive and "different". One told me that they were suspicious of any one they did not know who said "Hey!" to them on the street. That is just how it is down south. At first when I walked by one and said "hello" or made small talk in the store or whatever, it was not unusual for me to get no response and a dirty look.
Not to say all New Yorkers are like that, but it is pretty obvious that there are differences in the way people communicate up there.
My brother moved up there and when he comes home he seems to have developed the same sort of attitudes.
It is unreal how you are being treated. If an ambulance showed up at a house on my street, everyone would come out of their houses to try to help in any way that they could.
Just chalk it up to uncaring people who could care less about others. It is a shame the world can be like that.
Perhaps you can find a support group in the immediate area who understands what you are going through. It isn't good for your health to become a hermit and you need social interaction and support from other human beings. What a shame you cannot get that in your own neighborhood.
Posts: 2275 | From NC | Registered: Oct 2000
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posted
So you put them out by having the ambulance called?? Wow.
At least my neighbors keep to themselves.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
lymelady,
SHAME ON ALL OF THEM that it was your NEEDED AMBULANCE CALLS that upset them. from what you've said....it was 1 excuse of MANY to SNUB you/family!!
we are blessed with 2 good neighbors...side and behide us.
other side w/driveway 6' from our bedroom windows is WORST ever and she is supposedly a nurse.
when my dad was dying in ICCU; learned she worked there and instructed them all she was NOT to have any contact with him! no way would he receive good care from that .....
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Geneal
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 10375
posted
Ouch! People need to be careful in this life.
I really believe that what comes around goes around.
My Mom has always said to me things of the nature of
"If you knew you were dying and could have anyone in your hospital room, would these people be included?"
Absolutely Not!!!
Try not to give them any more importance in your life.
They have a tendency to "suck" the goodness/energy out of you.
My neighbor, who has a "camp" next to our property,
Is the one who didn't like the dirt we were placing for our housepad.
Called code enforcement, DEQ, Wildlife and Fisheries, police, etc.
One little old mean busy body was able to effectively stop us from building our house.
Exactly 16 months from the day we were stopped, we beat our local government in court.
I don't understand what drives some people.
We weren't doing anything that would hurt someone else.
Weren't going to cause flooding problems for her or anybody else.
Had every right to build a house pad.
She just didn't "like" it. Thinks she owns the neighborhood.
I have to work at forgiveness, but it comes really hard as what she did affected my children.
I would help her in an emergency, but would feel like a hypocrite if I told you I would stop
Just to talk with her....Not interested at all.
Hang in there. Don't give these less than compassionate neighbors any more power over you.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Geneal
PS We are very friendly here in the deep south, but we have our losers too. Posts: 6250 | From Louisiana | Registered: Oct 2006
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lymeladyinNY
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10235
posted
Thanks for your responses.
I do try to not think of these people but when you are surrounded by sharks on an island it's hard!
I grew up in rural New York state. People there were and are quite friendly. I now live in a suburb of a small city in NY state.
I've been called upon to forgive so much in this life. Sometimes I don't feel like forgiving anymore! But that would just make me a bitter person - and I don't want or need that.
Wow, Betty, some nurse she is. Did she say that specifically because she knew who your father was? How awful.
And Geneal, I can't imagine why anyone would deliberately add to someone else's pain like that. I think (and hope) you're right that what comes around goes around. Maybe not in this life, but in the universe's good time.
Currently, the thought of karma gives me a lot of comfort!
Take care, everybody!
- Lymelady
-------------------- I want to be free Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006
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quote:Originally posted by lymeladyinNY: I now live in a suburb of a small city in NY state.
Hi Lymelady-- I also live in a suburban town in NY, I know how it can be. People in these small towns tend to have lived here for quite a while--sometimes generations before them have lived in the same town so you have many related family's, etc. There is a sense of unity in the town as a "whole", but like you said...if you are not one of "them"....forget about it! Southerners are wonderful ...My parents live in Georgia and everyone there is just so nice, they act like you are their best friend right off the bat. New Yorkers do have a certain edge and are more guarded and cliquey. I hear Long Island is very "cliquey" too, same with NYC...ughh. I hope your situation gets better for you Posts: 371 | From CT | Registered: Jun 2008
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
lymelady,
clarification...
i told that to nurses in ICCU; i didn't want her around my dad at all; luckily, that was a week when she was on vacation but i didn't know it then!!!
geneal, those noisy old busy body!! the nerve of some folks.
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I am a former New Yorker (Long Islander) and now live in a D.C. suburb with many other displaced New Yorkers.
The first neighborhood we lived in was gossipy with people constantly trying to outdo each other in every way possible. It was not the type of environment I wanted for my children.
So we moved just a few miles away. In addition to some New Yorkers and other "Northerners", the rest of my neighborhood is composed of people who have lived here for generations...everyone knows everyone else's family from years back.
But despite our different histories, we all get along...our neighborhood is filled with the kindest, most thoughtful, generous and fun people you could imagine.
We look after each others kids, we water each others plants, we take care of neighbors' pets when they are out of town, we make dinner for each other when we are sick.
There are great neighborhoods out there...my neighborhood is just one of the many outstanding ones around here. I'm sure there are friendlier places where you live too.
If moving is a possibility for you...I would definitely considerate it. Talk to the some of the nicer moms at the school your kids go to and find out where the friendlier neighborhoods are. It would be nice for your whole family to "start over" with new neighbors, even if just a few miles away.
It could change not only your life, but the lives of your children. You only live once...you might as well make every effort to be as happy as possible (and stay away from negative people---who needs that?)
[ 16. August 2008, 02:04 PM: Message edited by: not so sublime lyme ]
Posts: 345 | From East Coast | Registered: Apr 2008
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pmerv
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1504
posted
Dear Lymelady, well if I had lived near you, I would have come over to find out what was happening, and brought your family dinner and offered to take care of your kids while you were sick, because that's how I was brought up. I think you get all kinds in all places and if you're lucky you'll get at least one of the old-fashioned "good neighbor" types. There are probably just as many New Yorkers who are like that as anywhere else - there probably aren't that many anywhere any more since in so many families both parents work outside the home.
-------------------- Phyllis Mervine LymeDisease.org Posts: 1808 | From Ukiah, California, USA | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Hi LymeLady, I understand (I wish I didn't) this feeling of being shunned, isolated.
Years ago before I knew what was wrong with me, people slowly drifted away. I was sick alot. I couldn't go to functions with my husband --- he would always tell them I was at the barn with my horse.
When I was boarding at one barn one of the women told all the other women not to ride with me because I was sick so much something could happen and I might sue them (my husband is an attorney, we have never sued anyone).
Once when I was sick, my husband had to go out and tend to my horses. I had special hay for my horses (which I shared with many of the the other horses out there because the barn owners provided very poor hay) my husband asked if a certain bale of hay was mine and the barn owner said yes. So he gave my horses a couple of flakes of hay from that bale.
When I returned to the barn. One lady in particular wouldn't speak to me. Wouldn't even say hello. Later someone explained that my husband had taken hay from her bale.
I immediately took an entire bale of the type of hay and put it with hers. I told her later, if she just would have told me, I would have returned the hay my husband had inadvertantly taken from her bale. (Her horse was losing lots of weight and I had always made it a point - with her permission to give him extra hay when I gave hay to my girls and she knew it). She was very snippy and never really talked to me again.
Well, I am rambling, but the point is, little by little, no one understood what was going on with me and stopped calling or returning calls.
When I got my diagnosis, one of our long time friends for whom we had always been there through births of her children, her divorce, etc. said to my husband, "so, she isn't a hypochondriac after all".
People are just strange. I have learned to expect nothing from them, not even relative. I try to keep my self to myself. I read (when I can) and spend time with my animals. I no longer ride. I am too weak to get in the saddle and it would be dangerous.
I have an aunt who says openly if people are not fun, I don't want to be around them. I think, most people are this way.
People are like animals, in a way, the sick and the weak are just left behind or ostrisized (sp?). People don't want to be reminded that this could happen to them. People often blame the sick. If you had a better attitude you wouldn't be so sick. If I had your illness I wouldn't let it get me down....
How nice for them.
I am sorry about your neighborhood. We live out in the country / suburbs. Each of us has about 18 acres in a little equestrian community. I rarely talk to anyone. I have tried to go for walks out here, but after falling a few times and no one is around. I decided that wasn't safe.
People know I am sick. No one stops by.
I just learn to keep to myself and try to entertain myself on my computer, listen to our local public radio station, which is excellent. It keeps me feeling like I know what is going on in the world.
Take care of yourself and ignore your insensitive neighbors. It is most likely the same everywhere. Too many ambulance calls, they probably thought the worst. With the screaming, etc. probably thought you were mentally ill. (one of the worst crimes a person can commit in polite society). Never stopped to think you were in pain. I know when I cry or make any noise because of the pain, my husband gets very upset and tells me to keep it to myself.
It isn't always easy. No one seems to care.
Posts: 49 | From Florida | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
A couple of my neighbors had Lyme Disease-so the stigma of being sick is not so bad.
But I still asked the ambulance medic to turn off the overhead lights so my neighbors could not see my fat flopping around on the gurney. I was so embarrassed.
I was having a bad reaction to a medication. Of course the medic poo pood my request.
Also we had some older people in our neighborhood, so an ambulance was not such a rare event. You just wondered who was it this time.
Maybe they just need someone to show them what it's like to be a nice neighbor.
Posts: 365 | From Sylvania | Registered: Aug 2008
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Just Julie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 1119
posted
Not to highjack a thread, but Caprice Mom, I so can relate to your post, it is amazing. I do what you do, and for the most part, no one even knows (or cares) that I have lyme, or that it took me down for some time. Both my sons have lyme, and no one knows (their choice). It is like if no one sees it, acknowledges it (to you or themselves) then it's not there.
I have a few neighbor friends who do outdoor stuff that I would love to do, but have not done since the lyme diagnosis and treatment (hiking in the outdoors, horseback riding, etc) I told them, that I am "off the trail" that encircles our neighborhood (we live in semi-rural part of Northern CA) and they have occasionally asked me to join them in activities that I know could put me in the path of another tick bite.
Almost like, if enough time passes, I'll give in, and just do stuff with them?
I don't let it get to me anymore. I just keep it to myself, and get on with life. It can be lonely, and it can be sad, but I'm at midlife, and I'm done with trying to apologetcially explain why I don't camp, hike, ride my bike, all off road or in the tall grass, mountains, etc. Just know, you're not alone! Julie
-------------------- Julie Posts: 1027 | From Northern CA | Registered: May 2001
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lymeladyinNY
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10235
posted
Bettyg, I get you now - blame my Lymie brain for not understanding you the first time!
Not so sublime, I feel as you do - that living amongst negative, mean people is not the way to go. I have told my husband repeatedly that I wish we could move. There are many rural properties in my area and I wouldn't have anyone shoved up my you-know-what.
The best I can get out of him is that we'll move when our youngest graduates from high school (he enters kindergarten next month!). That's 13 long years before hubby will even consider a move.
Caprice and Just Julie, I am not only shunned by my neighbors but by the moms at school, too. I haven't been active in the PTA and I walk with a limp. People stare at me!
One lady who used to be quite friendly deliberately pretends she doesn't know me. WHY, WHY?? I just don't get it.
I feel like I did in high school when I wasn't in the popular crowd. Sigh.
- Lymelady Julie
-------------------- I want to be free Posts: 1170 | From Endicott, NY | Registered: Sep 2006
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