posted
i have been sick since i was 15 and now i am 32
female,but past few years have gotten much much
worse, have been bedridden and havent left house
in i think 7 years, anyway, how do you deal with
feeling like you are getting too old too fast and
that time is passing you by and even though you
know its not your fault but still feeling like
all these years have been such a waste, i hate
that i havent accomplished anything, not because
i am lazy! and i only geting even worse which
scares me so much, any input would be
appreciated, thanks
Radha
Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005
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jt345
Unregistered
posted
Hi Radha
I know how You feel.It has taken Me along time too forgive myself for getting sick. We think we have too do things and be things that the people around us do and are. But in reality We are only responsable for the things We can do for others and ourselves.
I have fought the same feelings You are having for years,and there are days I still do. Be true too Yourself and You will be doing things You never thought possiable.
I guess I'm in the last stage of this rotten diease. And at times it has made me overbearing,and hard too be around,some of the ones I thought were friends have left. But They don't even know what They did. I think people who are around someone who is chonicly ill become ill themselves. They can't fix Us,so out of sight out of mind. And I understand. It is hard too watch someone get worse in front of your eyes and there is nothing you can do to fix them. But just focus on things You can do. Most of all forgive Yourself. You did not ask for this diease,It just found You.
For Me, members of my family and old friends were the ones hardest too let go. We live in a world that most people think meds and Doctors can fix anything. Well We don't. Maybe someday there will be a magic pill for lyme(Ihope),but at this time We don't.
Just do what You can do ,reach out too ones who need You. There are people in the world who do. Our job is too find them,and try too ease some of their pain. I have found by doing that I in return have had some of My pain releved.
Try too remember what people see on the outside is not what is on the inside. We all have value. Try too remember that ,there are days I forget it. When I remeber and reach out to someone it comes back. I am not dead yet and either are You We do have value. I tend too ramble,so I hope this makes some sense. I always tell people I know how John Dilenger(spelling),must of felt. The last three years of His life He sat by His pool and mumbled about the past. Well I don't have a pool ,but I do have 2 five gallon pales I can fill up,too sit by.
That time hasn't came for Me yet and I don't think it has came for You either. You can make a difference even from Your bed. Reach out and love someone. I think it is easier for us,than it is for people who have beat this or Who have Their health. Feel free to contact Me anytime. I might not tell what You want too hear,but I will be here. For how long,only God knows and He an't tellin just yet. Be as well as You can be jt345 (appleseed)
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posted
appleseed, i dont know your name, but i thank you from the bottom of my heart for your heartfelt, understanding reply, i could really relate to everything you said, but i dont know how or what i could do to help anyone else, i really do want to, i have too many health problems together for too many years and this is not depression talking, although i have alot of that, but i know my case is really hopeless unless a Godly miracle occurs, i live with my parents and they are so wonderful and i am only living for them when i have wanted to die for so so long, the suffering is just so so unbearable everyday and i am still getting worse, sorry for burdening you but you are really kind for listening and replying, radha
[ 03-29-2009, 04:28 AM: Message edited by: Radha ]
Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005
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jt345
Unregistered
posted
Hey KId
What ever You do ,do not give up in Your heart. Their is a reason God has allowed this. I had a friend tell Me once ,that I was being turnned into a diamond so I could shine brigthly,and show others what life really is. Find someone who is in a worse spot ,than You. They might have perfect health ,only a different problem that only You can help them with. Just reach out ,You will be surprised,as too what You might find.
Along time ago I came to this site ,and I was ready too give up. But the people three of which are still here helping (I find them amazing). let Me vent ,cry they just listened. stick around here,I know for sure someone needs You. Lyme has taken everything I have worked for,but I won;t let it have me. My spirit ,my love for others. Don't You let it steal that from You either. Reach out too others and the ones who reach back,know all too well there You are at.(they have been there too).
I left this site for a long time,Iwas tired of lyme,I did not want too even think about it. I should of staeyed,gave more of Myself. You hang around,I know there are ones who need You. Thanks for letting Me get back in the saddle..
Do You have any thing that You love too . well do it. Even it is only reading about it. Get Your mind off Yourself. Dream about doing it. Dreams do come true You know. Be as well as you can be jt345(appleseed)
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
radha, you've been dealt a bad hand; that's an expression a came of cards; poker, etc.
so we do the BEST with the hand dealt to us....
i'm so sorry you've been bedridden 7 years; way too long!
i feel guilty; i was just bedridden for 2 weeks after my initial diagnosis of MONO! otherwise, i've been sick for 39 years and bedridden only after my 13 plus major surgeries.
radha, do you know how much YOU CONTRIBUTE TO THIS BOARD? well, let me tell you now...YOU DO. i have enjoyed your posts since you began here. i believe we have talked privately as well.
you bring INSPIRATION here, and i've read it in past posts. today, you're have a real DOWNER day; and we all have them.
i feel bad this hit you in your youth where it should have been the best years of your life. but nothing we can do about it. it is what it is unfortunately.
my late sis-in-law died 16 yrs. ago 3-15-93 of early onset alzheimers at age 40; yes 40!! she had this between 8-14 years. her son never knew his mom well. he was 13 and his sister 16 when she died. so terribly sad. family/friends dropped them like hot cakes too.
my only sister died at 41 of breast cancer to the liver. she was 32 the 1st time it hit, and 5 months after we'd buried mom was colon to liver cancer. she went 6.5 yrs. CANCER-FREE until cancer reared its ugly head again. we had her another 2 yrs., 1 mo., and 3 days.
her kids were son, 14, and daughter, 11; the daughter has gone thru things no child ever should have had to.
take care my friend, and share your feelings/thoughts anytime ... that's what we are here for SUPPORT 23/7 !!
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posted
its not just lyme, the other problems i have dont
let me even eat, sleeping just an hour brings on
terrible chills and sweats, so i only sleep an
hour in night, up all nite everynite, sleep an
hour in daytime, same thing happens, have tried
herbs, antibiotics, cannot handle even the
tiniest dose, herx too fast and too strong, i
have tried everything! so that is why i say its
hopeless! but your posts touched my heart so
deeply and made me so happy, everyday is HELL,
the same problems even the same level of
suffering, never any change or relief, but still
i wish i could be more helpful to others or feel
like i was accomplishing something with my life,
i am taking one class at a time online trying to
finish my bachelor's, but why i dont know since i
cannot work at all! and if i dont do any
treatment, i will never work, beleive me i have
tried abx! i just cannot help but think that if i
cannot eat or sleep, and cannot talk to anyone
because of terrible anxiety and so so weak and in
constant pain then why i am living? still i so
appreciate all your kind words and support,
Radha
words and support,
Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005
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Ann-OH
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2020
posted
Radha, I agree with all the good people who have replied here before me. I really think you have to get a new doctor with a new perspective. I hope that is a possibility for you.
Please go to the "Seeking a doctor" on this site and see whether someone here can be of help.
Do not give up finishing your bachelor's degree. Keep on trying. Keep posting here. You are helping people here if you know it or not.
I agree with Ann You do need a different Doc. Make sure You are tested for coinfections.
The sweats and chills could be Babs. Do You ever see things that You know are not there? do You ever hear Your name being called or voices?
You have alot of life yet too live. Say too Yourself I will not give in too this diease.
I know how hard it is but just try too sit in a chair,try too move. The more You do the more easier it will become.
Lyme for alot of us is ,or will be a life long fight. But think of it as a race(run a good one)
Be as well as you can be today appleseed
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
radha,
check your pms, i just sent you NY state llmds; check them out ok! blessings of better to health with a new llmd. xox
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feelfit
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12770
posted
Radha,
My heart goes out to you. But whether you realize it or not, you still have hope.... the proof is in your taking classes online.
The proof is that you posted here looking for something to lift you...if you were utterly hopeless, you wouldn't even bother to look for support.
So your spirit WANTS to go on, you have a strong constitution and will.
Appleseed has offered many pearls of wisdom.
Mother Teresa had once said that success is not doing great things but litttle things done with great love...something like that.
Tell you parents how much you appreciate them. Do you have a pet? Something to cuddle and love? Sometimes caring for a small animal can bring the greatest feeling of joy... and they are great companions.
Are you seeing a very good LLMD? Maybe seeing someone that can lend a new perspective to your situation will enable you to move down the road to wellness.
There is always a solution, sometimes we just need to take off our blinders in order to see.
I have been in your boat but always keep rowing...hope is just around the corner.
Big Hug, Feelfit
Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007
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sammy
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 13952
posted
Hi Radha,
I've been struggling with very similar thoughts and emotions this week. It is hard to be sick for so long and keep your hopes up when you feel like life is passing you by.
I got sick right after graduating from college 5yrs ago. At the time I thought that I had everything at my fingertips. The future was bright and exciting, the doors were wide open. I had hopes and dreams and goals. Then Lyme came and snatched it all away.
My life is so different now. It is more about survival and less about living. I need to beat Lyme to live again. At this point, I don't even know what to hope for. I want to dream again. I pray that God will heal me and begin to paint the picture of my life revealing His will for me so that I can at least see a future, to know it's there.
I know that He has a purpose for me, there is a reason that I'm still here(and you too Radha). It's just hard sometimes to keep hope. To keep focus on Him and know that ultimately He is in control.
We must look to the future and not dwell on the past. We cannot compare ourselves to others and think about all the what if's. We have to keep hope, keep trying our best, and be grateful every day for life.
Thank you Radha for reaching out through this post so that I too can benefit from the wisdom and encouragement shared here.
And thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I needed to hear them today.
Posts: 5237 | From here | Registered: Nov 2007
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jt345
Unregistered
posted
Hi Rad
I hope things are going better today. WE all have our bad days. And I am no different. If You look ubder the medical ? You will find one of my posts where I let my Human side show.
I am feeling better now and I hope You are too .Oh how I wish I was grading hardwood lumber again and building furniture(the real stuff). When I left Grading school I was one of 2000 world wide trained in the art of grading Hardwood(all spiecies) Now I can't even remember the grades of lumber. But that was almost 30 years ago ,and I have too let it go and look to the next day. I hope You are doing the same. jt345(appleseed)
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posted
how can this detox pathways be treated? with
herbs and vitamins or is there some medicine to
fix it? please let me know, thanks
Radha
Posts: 392 | From New York | Registered: Dec 2005
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map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
Robin....I also was thinking detox the whole time I was ready Radha posts. I do believe she has a severe detox problem.
My body at one time didn't know how or was not able to detox. So throwing more abx and supps at it was a waste.
I was so toxic. Radha, there's not just one pill or one supp that going to open your pathways. It's one step at a time.
Can you go back and read some old threads with detox in the subject. Also you can't start more than one detox protocol at a time.
Your body will surely want one new protocol at a time. I suggest you read some old Gigi posts on detoxing.
Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6478 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
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