Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
I am not sure if this is a question I have or if I am looking for advice or just need to share my thoughts, but here goes.
Three weeks ago I started going to a Mind/Energy coach. The session went well enough and I thought it might help me.
At the end of the session the therapist told me that was her last day at that office and she was re-locating temporarily to a place that was impossibly far for me to get to. Lyme really limits my driving ability so I try and not venture too far from home unless absolutely necessary.
I told her this and she suggested a phone session the following week. I agreed. That went okay. Then she told me I needed another one the following week. I said okay again. Then she told me "let's put you on the schedule for next week". It wasn't a question. It was a statement.
I thought about it over the weekend and decided it was more money than I could comfortably spend right now. Lyme is so expensive and after these three sessions I realized I did not want to spend the money with this treatment right now. I received a letter from my insurance company over the weekend stating that is not an allowable benefit so that was the real deciding factor.
I called her this afternoon and left a message on her answering machine explaining that b/c of finances I needed to postpone my upcoming appointment and would be in touch when I was able to continue.
Not ten minutes later she called me back and said I should schedule something right then for three weeks out b/c if I waited any longer I would lose the benefit of the work we had already done. I tried to explain again about my reluctance to continue right now b/c of my extensive medical bills, but she would have no part of it. She was very persuasive and I felt powerless.
Reluctantly I gave into her and set a phone session for June 19.
I am so disappointed with myself that I let her persuade me into doing something I don't want to do. Somehow I feel that she should have been respectful of my situation and not pressured me, but on the other hand I don't think I should have let her.
I am so mixed up right now. And sick. And angry. And one of my dogs is very sick and that makes me sad.
Anyway, thanks for listening and if anyone would care to comment, I would be so grateful.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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posted
I am a therapist and if someone called me & told me they didn't want to come back whether for financial reasons or otherwise - I would let them go.
And tell them that if they change their mind they can always call me at another time.
A client needs to be invested in the work being done, or else it is a waste. The fact that this person didn't listen to you should validate your gut feeling not wanting to return --for whatever reason.
Cancel your session for the 19th. Because of your feelings toward this person, you would be wasting your $ on the session.
They are an energy person! They should know that work is based on the relationship between the client & practioner.
It sounds like (from your post) that you are uset with yourself for being talked into another session. It happens to the best of us -- but you still have the power to cancel the session.
Think of it as a lesson learned. Boy she sounds pushy!!
Posts: 379 | From Sydney, Australia | Registered: Nov 2008
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Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
Thank you, asummers!
You articulated my feelings so much better than I was able to do. I just can not imagine continuing with this person who did not listen to me.
I honestly feel she is more concerned with collecting my fee than anything else.
The more I think about it the more I realize I need to cancel my appointment. Thank you for helping me to focus my thoughts and giving me the strength to call her back and cancel.
Leelee
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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posted
I agree completely with asummers. To be perfectly honest with you I would call tomorrow and cancel and this time don't even give a reason. It is your money and you are entitled to spend it how you wish. Don't waste your precious little energy angsting over this person who is putting you in uncomfortable situations. You will feel great after you make the call.
Posts: 114 | From New York | Registered: Jun 2009
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feelfit
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12770
posted
Leelee,
For what it is worth, I often fall into the same trap and have spent money on things that I no longer felt were helping because of the pressure of the practitioner.
Truly, I realize that it is giving someone else my power. I am so humiliated when I am once again unable to say what I really feel....especially when some are so gifted in the power of persuasion.
Ultimately, we need to take care of ourselves first, often I have a hard time realizing this.
You're not alone!
Feelfit
Posts: 3975 | From usa | Registered: Aug 2007
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
LeeLee,
I hope your poochy gets better real soon. I'm a dog lover too.
Go with your gut. Cancel your appointment. You don't have to give them a reason.
I have B.E.S.T. treatments which I love but can't afford. I'd like to have them done but I have other priorities that come first.
Be your own health and financial advocate.
You know what you need to do.
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6147 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
leelee -- sometimes we all need a little valadation, espically dealing with this disease!
you are right to trust your gut.
i can relate, i was recently in the same position you were, i filled a perscription that a doctor told me to fill, even though i didn't want it. i was upset at myself for not listening to my gut.
i have since stopped going to that doctor, b/c i didn't feel listened too.
hang in there!
Posts: 379 | From Sydney, Australia | Registered: Nov 2008
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
Don't give away your power. Call and state that you are canceling, just matter of fact, no explanations needed. You hired her and, now, are simply stopping the arrangement.
She should not have pressured you like that but it happens. There is plenty of time now for you to cancel. Be sure to have strength and good tone in your voice before you make that call. It will help.
posted
lee, you received wonderful support/advise from above.
asummers, thanks for weighing in from your professional standpoint as well.
someone mentioned giving in to her, etc. i went to many educational classes at my former employer.
the best one was learning WE ARE IN CONTROL; no one can take advantage of you unless YOU let them!!
did you give them permission? NO; so cancel the appt. if she persists; HANG UP SAYING BYE.
you have control again. best wishes to you xox
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Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
asummers, wendihk, feelfit, akinwlf, and Keebler,
Thank you all so much for your words of strength and encouragement.
I am very appreciative. I am not sure where I will find the will-power to firmly cancel my appointment for the 19th, but I know I have to.
Many thanks to all of you.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
bettyg,
I just saw your reply and as always you have perfect advice.
Thank you so much.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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LeeLee,
I am very concerned that you feel you can't call and cancel an appointment, especially since you've only been working with this person for three weeks.
I know lyme can make communication extraordinarily difficult. But, clearly, if you are afraid to talk to this counselor, you need to severe the relationship as something is very wrong with this picture.
If you really can't get behind your own voice right now, have a friend call and document the time, etc. Do not leave a message without later having a direct confirmation of cancellation.
You could send a letter with receipt required, of course, for documentation. It may cost a couple dollars but can be easily be done at your post office.
Have you ever read the book "I'm Okay, You're Okay"? That might help you regain some personal power.
Good luck.
==============
This is just a sample that could be used for your note:
---
From:
To:
Date:
RE: Cancellation of June 19 appointment.
I am canceling our telephone appointment that had been scheduled for June 19.
I will not be scheduling further appointments, as my treatment path will be taking a different direction.
and sign it.
-----
I think there are two ways to send with the USPS so that you get verification of delivery.
Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
Thank you, Keebler.
I believe that Lyme took away my self-confidence. I was fighting the disease and fighting to be diagnosed for so long that I think I lost my perspective of myself.
As always I hold your advice in high regard. I went to my psychiatrist today whom I think the world of and told him my situation. He said as you and everyone else did that it wasn't the right path for me to take.
For whatever reason (Lyme, I guess) I had forgotten to tell him that I was even going to this mind/energy coach.
With your words and support and everyone else's plus his thoughts I finally found the strength to call her back. I only got her voice mail, but I left a message as strongly as I could that I was canceling my appointment on June 19.
Your suggestion to send a return-receipt letter is a good one. I will do that this afternoon. I would hate for her to try and charge me for a missed appointment due to a phone mix-up.
Thanks again. I feel somewhat relieved and somewhat confused as to why this has created so much anxiety for me.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
Keebler,
I wanted to mention too that I have never heard of that particular book, but am going to Amazon.com's website in a few moments to order it.
I need to find me again.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
send CERTIFIED WITH RETURN RECEIPT; this way it shows someone's signature & date delivered!!! wise investment so you are NOT charged.
my lifelong friend from grade/hs recommended I'M OK; YOU'RE OK to me too. way back when i had NO CONFIDENCE; i read it and began my empowerment stage.
look what it turned me into !!!! lol i had NO self-confidence at all.
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Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
bettyg, you are THE BEST!
You can not possibly know what a positive impact you have had on me.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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I am new to the boards and saw your post and really felt inclined to respond on one piece in particular.
As a Psychologist I would NEVER take on a new client if I knew I was moving my practice - even if it was temporarily!!!! He or she had a ethical obligation to tell you this before you began any sort of treatment!!! How terrible for them to put you in that situation. They should have told you they would be moving their practice prior to your first visit. When I took a medical sabbatical from my practice I stopped taking clients as soon as I knew - 3 months - and if someone was a candidate for short term therapy then I of course let them know that I would be leaving in 3 months and we planned accordingly.
Anyway, I just wanted to chime in to give you my perspective and that is that he or she should have informed you before your first visit that they would be moving!! No fault of yours and you have every right to bring that to their attention.i.e; "Could you please explain to me why you did not tell me BEFORE I started treatment that you would be moving - even if temporary?" Anyway, maybe there is a better mind/energy coach out there for you!
Posts: 376 | From New Jersey | Registered: Jun 2009
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
trigal, I appreciate your thoughtful response. That thought had occurred to me as well. I am terribly shy about talking on the phone and had I known that was to become my only option besides driving approx. an hour-and-a-half away for follow-up appointments I would never have even started treatment in the first place.
Thank you sharing your professional insight.
Keebler, You are so right about Yoga. I started taking beginner classes a few weeks ago and I find it to be beneficial.
Yesterday my psychiatrist told me that for the past 20+ years he has been going to a church on Thursday mornings and they have a "laying-on-of-the-hands" ceremony. He said the practitioners touch those wanting to be healed and they transfer energy to them.
He said knowing me that he thought I would enjoy greater benefit from that sort of energy boost.
I promised him I would try it just as soon as I have enough energy (how ironic). LOL!
Thanks for replying, Keebler.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
-
LeeLee,
This is just my opinion - and I've gone for one or two "laying on of hands" -- after being disappointed and feeling a failure from the first one, then, years later with a different group, I went again, simply as an experience, expecting nothing other than to feel whatever I felt - with no apologies to anyone.
A lot has to do with your personal belief system, however, I am concerned that these sorts of events can have a flip side to them if a miracle is expected. And, if others' expectations for you from this are high, you must guard against that and be clear in your relationship with others around this.
This is where the "I'M OK; YOU'RE OK" book comes in. Often, when one suggests a healing service they may be taking on a "parent" role and the patient can become "the child" or even a "delinquent child" who just needs to think happier thoughts or really believe in miracles so that one can come along.
A lot depends upon the people involved, their maturity and demeanor. There are some wonderful healing services around and they can vary tremendously in their approach - or in their pressure. I suggest researching the philosophy of the organization holding the event and also researching the person who is the presenter.
As well, it's helpful to do some processing of your thoughts, feelings and expectations before you attend anything like this so that you will be steady in the experience, whatever that may be for you. Go just for yourself and be cautious about sharing outcomes for such a personal experience if it's a grading scale sort of thing.
In fact, sometimes, if you are drawn to healing services it can be very helpful to go to a place where you are a complete stranger. At least, I see much benefit in that as you don't have to be concerned what others think or report to anyone about it.
Others like to go with friends or family if the relationship there is what it should be.
Leelee
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19112
posted
Thank you, Keebler for your insight.
I had never heard of this type of service before my psychiatrist told me about it so I will certainly consider all the points you made.
As always your wisdom is very helpful to me.
-------------------- The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. Martin Luther King,Jr Posts: 1573 | From Maryland | Registered: Feb 2009
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bettyg
Unregistered
posted
lee, glad i made your day
i went from a quiet mouse to a SQUEAKY WHEEL getting many grease jobs to keep me quiet
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lou4656
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 10300
posted
Sent a PM to Leelee
-------------------- LouLou Posts: 1276 | From maryland | Registered: Oct 2006
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Betty!?? You didn't have confidence?? Even though you are still so sick, I feel that you have more confidence than those not suffering from chronic illness.
I'm going to have to look at the book you recommended.
I must admit, a salesperson came to our door and I hid. so my husband answered it and didn't have the guts to tell him we have no money to buy anything right now. So he listening to his whole sales pitch, while I was hiding in our bedroom with the kids.
I think hubby and I both need to read this book!
Thanks for the recommendation!
And Leelee, I hope you are able to cancel your appointment. What she was doing is wrong.
i was always GUTSY before tummy but i had NO SELF-CONFIDENCE at all. i was my own worst enemy.
i was gifted as a softball player; too short for basketball but went out all 4 years; used to sing solos in high school, etc. so i had gained self-confidence in those areas only .... NOT INSIDE where it mattered the most.
my classmate/friend kept trying to get me to see myself a different way & recommended this book. BOY DID IT MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE IN MY LIFE!
a former co-worker once told me, "betty, you've got more balls than anyone i've ever worked with!"
so baby look out; here's comes bettyg rolling down the railroad tracks!
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Ocean
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 3496
posted
Bettyg,
I'm so glad you are on 'our side'! I can only imagine how many people you have helped with Lyme.
I admire people who are gutsy like you AND have healthy self confidence. I think I used to be more so before Lyme. I am going to look into that book, I want it back!
Softball, basketball, singing....you can do it all!!!
It's funny because I gained some self confidence when my son was born. Suddenly I had a very important role...as someone's mother, and gained a new self worth. It completely changed my life for the better, I didn't even realize it before how badly I really felt about myself.
And finally finding out I have Lyme and that something actually IS wrong, helped my self confidence too....and made me angry that we are all being ignored.
I'm going to try to follow in your footsteps (I think so many of us admire you on this board) and educate others and fight for what is right!
posted
ocean, god bless you for the beautiful note above that is overwhelming to me. can you see my head getting bigger? calm down head
wow, you want to follow in my footsteps too! another ego booster .... this is the 2nd nicest note i've received today.
you guys sure know how to flatter this 60 yr. old white-haired, overweight lady! keep it up .... kidding back!
so if you look at the live i've lead; ANYTHING is possible; we have to THINK POSITIVE; AVOID THE NEGATIVES in the world including family/friends!
it's learning to SAY NO and not feel guilty for saying no when we just do not have time since we are fighting our own lyme battles.
also, it's like i told someone in the last couple of days. i used to blame people for things happening. i went to many eduational classes my former employer made available to all employees yearly.
i learned no one can take advantage of YOU UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM PERMISSION TO !!
so i'm NOT giving them permission; i'm taking back my life and getting QUALITY OF LIFE back of what i can control
someone said awhile back to me, "betty, do you know how many lyme patients you have helped?"
"yes, i've helped over 25,000 at that time; now here on this board, it's 26,112 right now plus:
all the emails i send daily about lyme and political activism;
the other 3-6 lyme boards i have visited since i started my journey 5 yrs. this july!
my having a LYME EDUCATIONAL table display here in the local communities when i can ...
so way over 30,000 folks plus my lyme article in our local paper 5 years ago where i even heard from folks internationally, and missed a phone call from a texas man who called & visited briefly with my hubby since i was running short errands in town.
mom always told me, "betty, you're special!"
she was so loving; more get up & go than all 5 of us kids combined; never sick in her life until she got colon cancer that had spread to her liver before diagnosis. mom was MY ROLE MODEL & CLOSEST FRIEND! lucky me to have had her for 39 years.
got to stop, tears are rolling down my cheeks now ...
ocean, again, thank you for making my day with your wonderful, loving, and inspirational note to me!
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
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It is also important to know there is no shame in illness. So many patients become the delinquent child in this situation rather than just someone who happens to have a very serious illness.
It's okay to be sick. No one wants that but it does not diminish our character. We should not have to explain, defend or even deal others who choose to take the authoritative and disciplining parent role and diminish us.
Remember, too, that many people are power hungry and will jump at the chance to feel powerful around someone with chronic illness that is unexplained.
It is more complex, too, in that many lyme patients have suffered so much abuse by so many doctors. This abuse comes from ignorance, neglect, etc. It has a toll but, like all those in abusive relationships, we can choose to walk away and find experts who really do know more - or learn on our own.
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