Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Please just tell me I'm not the only one that can't/wouldn't be able to handle this.
I can't get ANYTHING done with my family here that I need to get done, just to have the small amount of energy to function.
Right when I get up out of bed, which is early afternoon, my Mom is in my face, asking me a MILLION questions, about what we're doing for dinner, what I want her to do for me, if I want her to do this, that, where this and that goes, etc.
She is supposed to be helping, but it is really just hurting me way more than it's helping.
With all the questions and distractions, it's now 7 PM, and I haven't taken any pills today, haven't done my B12 shot, forgot to have my "morning" coffee, didn't get the small amount of sun/outside time I normally try to get to perk me up, etc.
I haven't been able to do ANYTHING with her here distracting me from the things I have to do. No wonder I am falling apart. Whenever I get really weak, and don't do my shots and take my pills, I start getting really trembly and sick.
It is beyond ridiculous how much this is setting me back. I told her I need "alone time" in the early afternoon when I get up, because with someone distracting me, I forget to take all my supplements, pills, forget to eat, etc etc etc.
So she'll be like, "okay...I'll go to the store." Then she'll start asking me a MILLION questions about what I want, then she won't leave for another 2 hours, because she starts doing other things.
I seriously cannot handle this. It is making me SO sick. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.....
After this we are going to see my LLMD, but at this point, I feel like I'm too weak now to even make the trip. I am freaking out and I don't know what to do. This is just horrible.
It's also the winter...this is the worst time of year for me. If I don't at least get in the sun a little or use my light box religiously, I start to fall apart. I haven't been able to get outside before it gets dark, because I keep getting too distracted or de-railed by her being here.
My focus right now is seriously that bad. Even with the TV, etc off, no one here, no distractions, (which is what i normally operate under) it takes me about 2 hours to get the small handful of things done at the start of my day that I need to do. But with someone here doing a million things around me, bugging me, I just loose my focus and can't remember what I need to do.
Someone save me?
I got up at like 4:15 today, because that's how sick I've been lately. It's 7:10 now, and it's seriously the first chance I have gotten to be alone, and now all I can do is just sob. I definitely can't sob with her here, because she would jsut ask me a million questions.
Am I the only one here that NEEDS alone time to be able to function?
Or is it just that my mom is THAT intrusive?
For some reason I have no problem swatting my husband away for long enough to get MY stuff done, when he's here. (he's not in town right now)
And it's not even like my stuff is selfish stuff, it's just that the first few hours, I'm too foggy to be organized enough to take my pills, eat, etc. We're talking about BASIC things.
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
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Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Just wanted to let everyone know I'm feeling a little better after venting. I also called my husband and vented to him. It felt good. He probably thought I was crazy, but at least he listened.
Thanks for listening.
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
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posted
I'm on the same boat. It sounds like your mom means well, but I understand your frustrations.
In my case, it's, "Kyle, can you help take down the Xmas tree." I answer, "No, I can't."
An hour later, can you help take down the Xmas lights out of the yard. Once again, same answer.
And an hour later the same bull****.
I guess I don't look sick enough. I better get myself a wheelchair and some eye make up, because verbalizing that I feel terrible isn't good enough.
I stopped treatment because of horrid neuropsych symptoms, and now the erratic heart rate and blood pressure is coming back. Standing and walking around feels awful, so I am resting most of the time right now. It's hard enough to take care of myself. I do love my mom, and couldn't do it without her, but it can be stressful with her at the same time.
[ 01-03-2010, 08:31 PM: Message edited by: kday ]
Posts: 967 | From A deserted island without internet access | Registered: Sep 2009
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i'm sorry i'm trying to be symphathetic but i miss my mom so much.
i remember one summer i went to the store and came home. she said, oh i forgot so and so, so off i went. came home, she did the same thing, i went back. the third time i said mom we're making a list. and that helped.
i didn't realize she was so ill but i never said anything, never got mad.
i remember her telling me my sister would always yell and scream at her and make her cry.
what i wouldn't give for one hour with my mom.
no matter how sick i never took it out on her.
is there some way you can just leave for awhile, get your husband to take you someplace? hey maybe hide in the bathroom, lock and door and take that bath? send her to the movies with the kids...
venting is good tho and i'm glad your husband understands.
and i do too, really. holidays are tough on everyone aren't they?
luckily my hubs is gone most of the time so i can't complain.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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merrygirl
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 12041
posted
ok hoos you know i love you, but-
Be grateful. I wish someone would ask me how i am doing, and how they can help. I do need alone time but having no one seem like they care is really hard and lonely sometime. I know you love her and all that but its only temporary. Imagine if your mom was the opposite? I dont have a mom so I am jealous I guess.
Although, I hate company, and it wears me out. So I can relate to that.
hang in there and sorry to be the "devils advocate"
I do hope you feel better soon and I am glad hubby listens too you.
hugs, melissa
Posts: 3905 | From USA | Registered: May 2007
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posted
I get it, Hoos. Maybe tonight before you go to bed, tell your mom what needs to happen when you get up - what supps you need to take, what you need to eat, etc. That way SHE can do the thinking for you when you are groggy.
It sounds like she WANTS to help, but doesn't know what to do.
Also tell her that you have a little trouble communicating, so for her to try to ask few questions the first couple hours you are up because you have a disease that affects the brain and you just can't process them.
It sounds like if you give her direction she will do what you need her to do.
-------------------- sixgoofykids.blogspot.com Posts: 13449 | From Ohio | Registered: Feb 2007
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Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Thanks for the replies.
I know I probably sound ungrateful, and I understand that. I think the reason I vented it here and not to her, is that I know she is only trying to help, so I didn't want to explode all these emotions at her.
So thanks for listening.
I did talk to her about it tonight. I think she understands. It's hard having people as guests in your place, with the guests having nothing else to do (they are from out of town), when you just need to be alone and have quiet.
She is one of those people that over-thinks simple things (I am exactly the same way), so it is hard for her to "help" without doing too much and being in the way, to someone who just needs a tranquil atmosphere.
I AM very grateful to have her. She has been very helpful and understanding throughout this whole illness, and I will be forever in debt to her for that. She knows I am grateful too...even though you wouldn't know it based on my little outburst today.
I really just needed to vent. I feel a little better.
Randi, I'm so sorry you have lost your mother. (((hugs)))) It sounds like you were a great daughter to her.
Thanks also Kyle and Melissa and Six.
Also, I ran out of my herbal tincture for Bart....hmmm wonder if that could have something to do with me not being able to stand being around people????
I think it does! I didn't realize how much I needed that stuff until it was gone. I've been trying to get it ASAP, but I won't have it until Wednesday at the earliest.
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I understand. I need a lot of quiet, alone time.
I had no idea how many people are so verbal until I came down with this and do not think for themselves.
They come to help but actually make things worse with all the questions.
When is she leaving?
What is this herbal tincture for Bart you are talking about.
perhaps i need some of that too. HA!
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Well today is the last day here at my place, and then she is traveling with me to see my LLMD, then I'll be back home, and things can hopefully return to a little more of the "normal" I'm used to.
I am very grateful she is here and trying to help, and VERY grateful she is travelling to the LLMD with me, because I couldn't do it alone.
But of course, the alone/quiet time is crucial, especially when I'm at my worst, like now.
My husband has learned how to act around me when I feel like this (thank goodness). And he is a very quiet person anyways, so his personality is different.
I have been trying to NOT make her bend over backwards like that, but it's getting to the point where I had to tell her how I felt.
The herbal tincture is "BLT" by Clinical Response Formulas. A few of the pratitioners out on the West coast sell it.
It treats Bart and Lyme, but for me, it seems to be treating Bart more than anything!
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
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Hoosiers51
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 15759
posted
Also, I don't mind that she asks so many questions, because I know that it's only because she wants to do things how I like them. So again, I am not trying to be ungrateful.
BUT....my poor brain/sanity can't handle it! Glad some people can understand.
Being over-stimulated is one of the WORST things that can happen for my well-being when my brain is bad.
If you were to put me in a room with a TV on (even with low volume), AND a person talking to me, that is my worst nightmare. Too much stimuli. I would probably start sobbing just out of frustration and being overwhelmed.
Especially in the first half of the day.
Posts: 4590 | From Midwest | Registered: Jun 2008
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springshowers
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19863
posted
I get it.. big time.
When I see my mother.. who has cancer.. WE Both have this issue.
So we BOTH have to agree to a schedule of sorts.. And we make lists..
If I am at her house. WE write down things that she would be ok with me helping.... and that is ALL I do and I do not talk about anything else to her.
Vice Versa.!!
And we also set up a time table.
I tell her not to expect to talk to me until about 1pm.. After I get up and have time to do my treatments and bath and get dressed and take my treatments etc...
I can not do all that and chat and visit..
She also.. says.. She can not have conversation or action at night.. She goes to her room around 8pm to read.. That is when I am settling down and grab my computer etc... and lay in bed too..
I am done by then..
So.. we got it down..... and .. in essence.. WE both get our our meals except we cook dinner together most of the time...
Prior to that we might take a walk or go for a drive and run errands etc.
After dinner if it is not too late we play a game and or watch a movie..
So.. we both get in our own time and together time and do not bug eachother.. She also has her treatments and routine and so.. ..its an understanding..
She did not used to.. though. It used to be just me.. and I started this whole routine method and agreement ahead of time..
Funny thing.. I try to help with more chores when I visit here. Spoil her if I can. She does it when she visits me..
So..we do not have this need to HOST one another either..
WHEW> maybe that will give some ideas?
ALSO between 1 and 8 if either of us is getting overstimulated or tired we just retreat to a room and lay down or whatever..
Not even a word is said. We just know what it means.
>>> Its not worth the overload.. and not worth not seeing her either..
I am sure she will understand if you talk to her about setting up bounderies that works for you. She wants you to be well and healthy I am sure..
It kinda is your job to tell her and show her what that means. It is hard for others to get it.. IF they see you up and around the just see a normal person.. But we are Not normal at all.
WE can not act out what we are feeling really uniless we are sick sick.. and then we are in bed.. usually..
Or on our way..
Good Luck. I hope you work this out for both your sakes..
its worth it..
Posts: 2747 | From Unites States Of America | Registered: Apr 2009
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map1131
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 2022
posted
Hoosiers, thank goodness it's not your in-laws with you this long. Maybe you need to not have long term family stays until you feel stronger.
Make the schedule and the limit before it happens again. 2 nights, I'm sorry but I can't cope for any longer than that. Hopefully they will understand. If not? It's your life & well being.
Take care, Pam
-------------------- "Never, never, never, never, never give up" Winston Churchill Posts: 6478 | From Louisville, Ky | Registered: Jan 2002
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