I haven't been on in a while. I am currently on IV Doxy 400mg once a day. I am sensitive to many other antibiotics. I had a couple of great weeks in August, and now I've been sliding. Nearly all of my symptoms are returning, and I spend most days in hell.
The worst problem is that at night I am tormented with anxiety and depression. I wonder if I will ever beat this. I know I'm not strong enough to live like this for the rest of my life. I have a two year old son that I love more than anything and want to see grow up. I'm scared that Lyme is going to take away his mommy. When I first came to the board I didn't understand the suicide links. Now I know all too well the depression and suicidal ideations that accompany this disease.
After a very scary night last night (and some much needed xanax) I called doc this morning, and I have an emergency phone consult this afternoon. I've been treating this for a year and still sometimes feel like I'm back at the starting gate. I need to survive this.
-------------------- Lyme, Bart, possible Babs Currently on IV Doxy, Bactrim, Zithromax, Nystatin, Mepron Been on nearly every antibiotic since 10/09
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
- I know you may be tired of seeing this question, as most are - but
what is your current level of magnesium supplement?
Lyme causes severe magnesium deficiency. And anxiety, worry and fear are major symptoms of low magnesium.
Liver stress also causes anxiety. I hope you are on good liver support.
Xanax made it worse for me. But, for me, my inner ear was so affected and xanax is ototoxic (toxic to the ears). When the inner ear is affected, anxiety can get worse, too.
Magnesium worked far better for me. But I need high doses, even IVs, to get up a good level. You might ask your LLMD for magnesium to put in your IV - but as part of a solution with other nutrients, included TAURINE, a calming amino acid, and some B-vitamins (minus the B-3 that can be too stimulating).
As you say this happens more at night, my guess is that you are also dealing with adrenal exhaustion and that can trigger mood shifts, especially anxiety and depression. Adrenal support if vital in overcoming all this.
Also - some is our thought process - and really, anyone in their right mind would be scared and overwhelmed with all this. Here's an exercise that an acupuncturist taught me for some such times. A thumbnail sketch of that:
Who's Driving the Bus?
We all have different parts to our personality. Imagine the major parts are on a small bus. Here are some of mine:
accountant (always day dreaming, though does worry more than actually act to keep me out of trouble)
Supply Sergeant; Planner of practical matters; Dreamer; Worrier; Do-er
So, the question is "Just WHO is driving the bus"? We need all these parts, even the worrier. The worrier has our best interest in mind but can be irritating and not let others rest.
So, we can thank all our parts for their contributions and concerns but right now, who do you need DRIVING your bus?
At night, it would be the dreamer, the one who can admire art or music or appreciate whatever or whomever is around or in your life. You might find a musician or a reader to drive the bus in those hours.
PLease have faith and just think about your son.
I've been there and back- on the cliff and ready to jump and if it wasn't for my kids, who knows.
I know the road looks long and bleak now but it will get better. You must believe this and get a support network together- online, in person whatever. Do whatever spiritual thing you can do- this has saved me
Also, are you on any antidepressants? These have saved my life. I know rifampin made me suicidal and you just finished. Give yourself a great pat on the back for that one
I've gotten such great support here, write here when you need it if you can't find support anywhere else. We can feel your pain