posted
Well, we survived our trip to help my 94 year old mother in law. We visited a beautiful senior care facility that she toured and immediately vetoed. So we then met privately with the social worker from adult protective services who has been dealing with her for a few years. She told us that there was not much more we could do. She said that she will never move out and that she just wants attention. The truth is that "She will fall, break her hip and die" we were told. And that is the way she wants it.
My husband did get her to list her goals and he wrote them down. She agreed to monthly cleaning service and weekly laundry, kitchen and bathroom touch ups. We'll see if she does it. The social worker is sending out a man who is very professional and used to these situations. He will call it "Housekeeping Service" but it will provide a way to check on her and try to clean her up.
We were told to take baby steps and that she will gradually look forward to his visits. Then when they offer to drive her places, etc. she might sign up for additional hours.
My husband's cousin, a doctor, told him to get me out of there asap. He said the place was toxic. He was right and I had some real problems with sinus, etc. So we came home, showered and rested and are feeling better.
The social worker pointed out that I myself qualify for home care and that we are not able to provide help for her and should not feel guilty about it. It has been her choice to live alone, to shun company and help.
Our son plans to visit her in a month or so and he will tell her what's what. She loves our kids and the social worker said that elderly people often are more responsive to grandchildren. She said that there is a generational thing in current elderly that requires they remain totally independent and keep up appearances. I hope I never become that vain and indifferent to my children's needs.
My husband's cousin was aghast when he found out about my husband's illness and my 22 year battle. He said he had been researching lyme disease and discovered that there are many cases nearby, particularly children. He said he had no idea how serious it was. He even wonders if his own "arthritis" should be checked and he asked for copies of our blood tests to give to his own doctor.
He told me to write my autobiography! I have heard that so often. I guess I have to do it. Even my granddaughter has been after me to do it.
I hope to get a web page going this year, if I can ever figure out how to do it! Maybe I will write some "Lyme Diaries" that you all can contribute to. I think short, to the point, stories will have more impact than our long, sad tales.
I want to focus on our ingenuity, our family loyalty, our outstanding doctors who risk all for us, etc. We cope. We endure. And we recover. Let's all remember that this year!
Thanks, everyone, for your support!!!
-------------------- DOCTOR: "I don't think you are sick." PATIENT: "We are all entitled to our opinions. I don't think you are a doctor." Posts: 697 | From Northern California | Registered: Jul 2009
| IP: Logged |
kidsgotlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 23691
posted
Thanks for sharing Farraday. We are going thru issues with my parents too. My Mom has Alhzeimeir's and it is taking a toll on my Dad.
I try to be there as much as possible, but I have a sick child to take care of too. It's hard for them to admit that they need help to come in, but my Dad finally hired someone last week to come in weekly to clean.
-------------------- symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections. Posts: 1470 | From Tennessee | Registered: Dec 2009
| IP: Logged |
posted
That's a great first step. I have seen notices of Alhzeimeir support groups that he might want to investigate. There is also respite care to give him a break. Many counties have money to help with expense of inhome services so I would suggest he contact them. Our contact is with "Adult Protective Services" and she had many good suggestions.
He could probably sign up for meals on wheels....at least for a few days a week. We are still looking into services that might be available to take up some of the strain we have in caring for ourselves.
-------------------- DOCTOR: "I don't think you are sick." PATIENT: "We are all entitled to our opinions. I don't think you are a doctor." Posts: 697 | From Northern California | Registered: Jul 2009
| IP: Logged |
kidsgotlyme
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 23691
posted
I just saw this Farraday! Thanks. I am going to research this a little more. Things have gotten worse over the last week or so.
-------------------- symptoms since 1993 that I can remember. 9/2018 diagnosed with Borellia, Babesia Duncani, and Bartonella Hensalae thru DNA Connections. Posts: 1470 | From Tennessee | Registered: Dec 2009
| IP: Logged |
I can relate. My 81 year old dad has dementia. It was a LONG struggle getting him to accept that he couldn't live alone any longer.
Thankfully, he finally decided to move into the veteran's home in our state. He tells us he's going to move back home on a monthly basis. Thankfully, he hasn't followed through on the threats...after 3 years.
So difficult. I'm 37 and 10 yrs ago, at 27 (and completely unprepared), I had to have my dad committed to the hospital involuntarily for 3 months.
Similar stories break my heart. I feel for you.
-------------------- aperture Posts: 551 | From Louisville, KY | Registered: Nov 2011
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic