posted
Hi everyone...I was out with my boyfriend today having a nice time and we stopped at a cafe to get something to eat. I ordered mashed potatoes and kale..sounds weird but those foods are easily digestible for me and I can tolerate them.
The portion that was served to me was really large-even my boyfriend commented on it-and I could only eat about 1/4th of it or so. As the waitress was gathering up our plates she commented, "Well I guess thats how you stay so skinny."
I let the comment go and then after we left the cafe we went to a bookshop and the woman who rang up our purchase took me aside and said, " I just wanna tell you that my daughter had anorexia for years and there is hope for you too. Don;t give up."
I said nothing, just left and then cried in the car with my boyfriend over people's ignorance. I am just so frustrated that people always think its ok to comment on a skinny person's body right to their face, as if they have no feelings.
I don't know if this is unique to CT where I live, but it is just so rude and unfair. Does anyone ever have people make comments on their appearance and if so, how do you deal with it?
Anyway thanks for letting me rant. ( I seem to be doing a lot of that lately haha, I appreciate your patience). Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Thanks...yes I do think that sadly some of this is jealousy over my being thin. It is really pathetic, but so many young women I know would love to look like me and make nasty comments out of jealousy. I fail to see how an emaciated frame is one to covet, but I have had women straight up ask me my "secret to looking so skinny" before.
I think the other comment about anorexia today though is just a shining example of ignorance and appearance based judgement. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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dbpei
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 33574
posted
These are really ignorant people Jess. As Lymetoo says, the ignorant ones have a ton of stuff to say. They have no clue. Try to ignore it. From all the posts you write, you sound like a beautiful person inside and out.
Posts: 2386 | From New England | Registered: Aug 2011
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posted
Dbpei-THANK YOU! Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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surprise
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 34987
posted
Ah, this hits a nerve with me. I am small boned, narrow, thin-
It is utterly amazing to me when people (mother-in-law!) feel they can come up to my face, look me up and down,
and say 'you'd look better with another 10 pounds on you' 'Too thin (with unkind face)'
My weight hit a lower point during Lyme treatment- even when I tried to be honest with in-law and say
I'm on a lot of meds, I'm nausea, YES, I eat- I would still get grief. If I wasn't so vain, next time it happens I fantasize regaling my horrific parasite adventures
in graphic detail, or going into precise detail about my slow moving bowel movements. (lol)
I know people care, but I would NEVER dream of sizing up a woman and telling her how I think her body type needs to improve- she needs to control it, make it better.
As for the lady who assumed you had anorexia, perfect Lyme teach moment:
It's Lyme disease! Hellloooo lady, be careful we are in CT!
-------------------- Lyme positive PCR blood, and positive Bartonella henselae Igenex, 2011. low positive Fry biofilm test, 2012. Update 7/16- After extensive treatments, doing okay! Posts: 2518 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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posted
Surprise-you are SO SPOT ON...everyone feels a need to comment it seems on a thin person's appearance right to their face.
I had someone I care about a lot as a friend come up to me a week ago and tell me, "You know jessie, if you gained 20 pounds I would SO wanna date you...you are really pretty just too bony for a man like me."
I also have had people come up to me and tell me I am SO SO THIN YOU POOR THING and then two seconds later ask what my secret was to having such a tiny frame.
People really suck sometimes, to put it bluntly.
Thanks for understanding! Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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Ah, this hits a nerve with me. I am small boned, narrow, thin-
It is utterly amazing to me when people (mother-in-law!) feel they can come up to my face, look me up and down,
and say 'you'd look better with another 10 pounds on you' 'Too thin (with unkind face)'
- Yep, me too. My MIL actually used to look in my closet when we were at her house to see what size pants I wore!!! Her daughters were slightly larger than me (weight wise) and she wanted to see if I was truly smaller.
They used to out-weigh me by about 10 lbs.. now it's 50-70 lbs.
I do have fears of being judged for being so thin right now. I'm not in the best of health. Today we were in the grocery store and my husband joked to a friend that he couldn't get me to stop eating (HE's overweight ..so he was just joking around) .. and his friend said, I think she NEEDS to eat more!! I just laughed.
If I were any thinner I probably would have been embarrassed or angry. (I think??)
Wonder if that makes a difference?
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
well i have gained a ton, i mean a ton of weight.
when i went to ohio to visit family my sister picked me up at the airport. when i got off the plane and went to the baggage claim, there they were.
so she says in a loud voice "omg, you've gained so much weight. you're so fat...."
i almost burst into tears right then and there.
i'd give anything to be thin....
now i don't go home so often and right now i'm staying here until i loose the weight. period...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
I think some people comment no matter what we look like, whether thin or heavy, or in my case, I can't wear clothes yet and my usual ones look pretty old and I get comments -
One option - to dish it back and EXPLAIN Lyme disease to them and exactly how and why it's making you look thin - they'll probably hear more back from you than they bargained for -
I've been known to shoot back with "Uh, I have Lyme disease - do you know what that is and what it can do to somebody?"
Sometimes I do explain my unstable joints and chemical sensitivity to folks, and I generally manage to do it in a brief and informative way,
then switch to "and it's spreading everywhere so everyone needs to protect" and then I give that spiel.
If they're open to hearing, it can be a useful conversation, a chance to educate them. But I have to be up for doing this, symptomwise.
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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posted
Hi Jessica, Those people were really rude. I'm sorry it made you upset and I totally understand. People sometimes comment on the weight I've gained, or call me a "curvy woman", and general doctors are total dicks- I will tell a doctor I have chronic Lyme and that's the cause of my weight gain and they will respond telling me to eat less fast food. Do you know how long it's been since I've had fast food?! The list of things I CAN eat is shorter than the list of things I can't! Making assumptions and comments about someone's weight is just so rude. I like my body- even though it's bigger than it used to be. I'm proud of it- it is sick all the time and still so strong and still fighting. You are correct, people definitely just need to keep their mouths shut.
Posts: 428 | From Midwest | Registered: Dec 2012
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posted
If only people could realize that our weight is the least of the problems we have. Doctors and others have commented to me that if I would lose weight then I'd feel so much better. Well, BS..I have lost over 30 lbs. and no, I don't feel any better, I feel worse. The doctor (pcp, for NOW)says I have about 30 more to go. However, 2 of my friends say I've lost enough. If I lost 30 more I'd be "too thin". To which I just say, "not according to the doc".
My pain is not less now that I'm lighter. I do think my joints are less stressed, and I enjoy carrying less weight around. But, has it helped my neuropathy? NO. Has it helped my chronic viruses? NO. Do I have to go all day feeling hunger on top of excruciating pain? YES
So, I have went off my diet until my pain clinic appointment tomorrow. I can't deal with it all at once.
The other thing I despise about seeing people I know around town is the comment, "Well, you look good". I "look good"? Does that mean that they don't believe I am sick? Does it mean that I'm crazy? I'm not sure what it means, or MAYBE they are just trying to say something positive.
But, if they knew what I go through just to get out of the house and "look good" I think they'd have a different perspective.
Yes, we are sensitive to what people say, probably overly sensitive. But, why is that? Because so many people, doctors, etc. have told us we don't know our own bodies, we have made up stuff, we are crazy., etc. on and on that we have become overly sensitive to stuff.
It's really hard to have that tough outer shell. Some days I'm good at it, and some I'm not. I've gotten to where I hate to see anyone I know when I get out. I don't want to hear comments. I don't want to explain my treatments, or talk about any of it. No one questions friends of mine who have MS, with interrogations. Many other conditions either.
If I never have to hear, "so, you got bit by a tick?" again it would be SO awesome!!
-------------------- One day at a time Posts: 409 | From TX | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
twicebitten-I am sure that it is really hard to have people tell you that you "look good" despite being so sick. What is even harder for me is the fact that I look so obviously ill. To be honest, I would rather most people not know that I am sick just by looking at me.
However, I am painfully thin, I walk unsteadily and my bones protrude-like my collarbone? You could collect rainwater in it, its so prominent. People look at me and can just see sickness. And that breaks my heart.
I would give anything to look well, even though I am so sick. It would be so nice to walk in a room and not have people give me shocked looks or pity looks or anything of the sort.
I spend half my day walking around EMBARRASSED TO BE ME because I look sickly. My boyfriend is awesome though. he keeps buying me magazines with Anne hathaway on the cover haha because she is in Les Miserables coming up and shes as skinny as me in the film and hes like, "look shes a fashion sensation, so are you..you are special and look lovely just as you are because you are the one and only jess".
His support is getting me through. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Robin-he is kind of amazing! He thinks I am beautiful just as I am. I said to him today, "honey you are a young and healthy and handsome man and you are stuck with me" and he said, "there is nowhere else I wanna be...it took me 32 years but I finally feel like I know what happiness is, and its being with you."
He is AWESOME . Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
Jess,
I think you have the answer to all your questions.
Enjoy and embrace being loved by this man and enjoy and embrace returning your love to him.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
Thank you so much!! I feel the same about you, your PMs have been so amazingly helpful to me. You are a great person. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
:::HUGS:::
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
So happy you have this awesome man to support you.
My dh tries his best. He has made many comments about how "skinny" I'm getting. Which is ridiculous, as I'm NOT skinny. But, at least he notices my weight loss, and is supportive. Without these men in our lives it would be much worse. The feeling of being loved, no matter what your appearance is, is just a wonderful feeling. Even at my heaviest, he was there and didn't make a single comment about my weight.
I think being too thin or being too heavy all carry their own issues, but I'm for one thankful to have a supportive SO. It would be nice if all of us struggling with this disease had this support. I know it's frustrating for all of us, and all our SO's too.
I hope you are able to get your weight up some so that you feel comfortable in your own body. If I could I'd gladly give you about 30-35 lbs. right now! Not a problem. If only I could. Take care my friend, and I meant no offensive by my earlier post, just posting my own frustrations with "people's comments"..
-------------------- One day at a time Posts: 409 | From TX | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Twicebitten-thank you, he is indeed a great man. To be honest, I want to gain weight for health reasons but my boyfriend is actually making me feel beautiful even this thin, which is an amazingly rare feat because I don't know if I have ever felt truly beautiful before.
I took absolutely no offense to your earlier post!! Thank you again for the kind words. Jess
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
Does he have any older brotbers??
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
HAHA...nope hes an only child ...and hes MINE ha. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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momindeep
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7618
posted
randi...tsk, tsk...you are a married woman!
Posts: 1512 | From Glenwood City WI | Registered: Jul 2005
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tickled1
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 14257
posted
Ok, I have to be nosy. Is this the one that only a couple of mos. ago didn't know he was the object of your affection? I've been away from LN too long! Happy for you that you're in such a loving relationship!
Sorry to hear though that you are struggling so. Keep your chin up. You always inspire me to try not to feel sorry for myself and live my life despite being sick.
Posts: 2541 | From Northeast | Registered: Jan 2008
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posted
Tickled-no this is a different fella ha...Thanks so much for saying that I inspire you. That means so incredibly much to me! THANK YOU. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
Jess,
Does he have any male cousins??? How many?
And no sillies out there
Not for me! For DD and/or her one of her cutie pie friends!
...
...
...
Or randibear!
lololol! Couldn't resist!
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
HA Beaches! He has a few male cousins, yes but they aren't as spectacular as him He is one in a zillion and I am a lucky girl to have him. .....xo Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
OK, yeah by now we all know how lucky you are.
::eyeroll::
spill re: the male cousins.
I'd settle for great/awesome for DD. The cousins don't have to "spectacular"
And how many male cousins are there, exactly? And how old are they?
You can PM me the juicy details.
Oh wait. Did I just say "juicy details"? OMG, I am sooo ashamed I just said that, me being of a certain age.
Or not !
Seriously though (when you get through laughing), PM me if he has a really good cousin as a hot prospect.
OMG, there I go again by mentioning "hot prospect."
It's sooo good to be a woman of a particular age. We can get away with so much and have fun in the process!
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
Beaches-HAHA You are so funny! I will PM you with all the juicy details of the hot prospects LOL.
and yes its fun to be a certain age . I seriously owe you a PM...Expect one tmrw !. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
Oh yes, you better PM me with all those juicy details of hot hot hot prospects who happen to be your hot hot hot BF's cousins! Or even his hot hot hot friends lol!
Just looking out for my DD and a good friend of hers.
And randibear, no, no, no. These guys are way too hot for you and me to handle. Oh wait.
Maybe I spoke too soon???
I think I might be having just a bit too much fun here!
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
All of us who have wonderful, understanding men in our lives (or women) are very lucky indeed. I thank God for my dh of 15 years that has supported me in my efforts to treat this hideous disease now for almost 10 years. He is a treasure.
After everything we've been through he still tells me I'm beautiful too, and even though I don't really believe him, it's nice to hear. At least I'm beautiful to him, which is what matters most.
Everyone have a blessed and wonderful day!
-------------------- One day at a time Posts: 409 | From TX | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Twicebitten-you are so lucky to have such a devoted partner. You know, I spent a long time in the past in love with a man who treated me like ****, and its being with a man now that is so tender and open hearted that makes me realize how lucky I am to be treated well, and how nice that feels.
Have a great day yourself. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
So true Jess! I had an abusive husband at one point in my life, and it just makes everything a struggle. The stress alone is enough to make anyone sick.
I am truly blessed! and so are you and all of us lucky enough to have a wonderful partner.
I've also been alone, and while difficult, it's preferable to having a "jerk".
I hope and pray you get better soon!
-------------------- One day at a time Posts: 409 | From TX | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
twicebitten-you are so right. You are better off alone than to be with someone who abuses you.
We are both very lucky to have such lovely men. My best friend is SOOO excited over my boyfriend ..she said to me the other day, "HE IS JUST SO.....KIND, JESSIE...AND CUTE, BUT KIND!!" haha.
Thanks for the well wishes too! Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
well dang..yep twice, got one now. sometimes i just wish....ah well....
hey, are they jeremy ritter cute or gerard butler gorgeous??? ohhh, daniel craig...
don't do tom cruise types at all....
details, girl, details....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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posted
HAHA...My boyfriend has red hair and is really muscular, as are the men in his family. And most importantly, he is so terribly kind...just so loving and gentle. SIGH...heehee, hes amazing. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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![[Smile]](smile.gif)
. Jess.
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He is one in a zillion and I am a lucky girl to have him. .....xo Jess.
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