posted
Hi everyone...I am just feeling super cruddy physically tonight. I am herxing or flaring or whatever something fierce. I was on the phone with my llmd and a few friends tonight and they all kept saying the same thing over and over-"Jessie, I don't know how you do it. I could never handle all you handle. "
I don't know why, but comments like that end up depressing me so much. I guess because its a reminder that I am suffering so much compared to the vast majority of the people I love who aren't sick.
It makes me feel oddly jealous of them and also resentful about being so sick. I am so so tired of being strong and stoic. I dont want to be a victim and always complaining either, but I just want to have life be somewhat free and easy again.
I sit here typing this with a 100 degree fever, in severe pain, dizzy and weak as hell. I am a young woman who is in love and going to get married soon and has a good career and is quite financially secure and if the weight and burden of this illness could just leave me, I could have an amazingly happy life. UGH.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I appreciate the fact that I can express myself on here and be understood by others, because you guys live it too. Thanks. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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posted
Jess, if you keep treating, in time you will improve, and yes, do we ever appreciate life then! - it takes a lot of patience to recover - people have no idea just how strong we are - well, we are! Be proud of that, at least, and keep your eyes on the prize, or maybe I should say prizes as in your plural goals!
Posts: 13117 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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dbpei
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 33574
posted
Sorry, Jess. This disease is so hard. Hopefully, you will start to feel better soon. You are a strong person despite your small frame!
If you are really feeling miserable or hopeless, you need to let your LLMD know. Herxing should never be so bad that you lose your hope. You also just suffered a miscarriage, so the load on your body right now might be too much.
I never did IV rocephin, but perhaps some pulsing or changes in dosing might make a difference for you. That is why discussion with your LLMD is important right now for you.
It sounds like you have so much to live for and return to once you are well. Many have gotten better. Have you read Katina Makris' book, Out of the Woods? She is inspirational! She has been there and understands our pain and the way this ugly disease changes our happy, productive lives. She is completely well now!
Positive thoughts being sent your way.
Posts: 2386 | From New England | Registered: Aug 2011
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AuntyLynn
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 35938
posted
I'd say you need to use detox aids. And what about Alka Seltzer Gold, or lemon water? Alkalizing the body speeds the healing process. What have you tried in this regard?
I know you are herxing like craxy on IV - I should think you'd need to ramp up the detox aids too! Best luck Jessica!
Posts: 1432 | From New Jersey | Registered: Jan 2012
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posted
Thank you everyone so very much for the thoughtful responses, and for letting me vent so much. It really helps to be understood by people who live this . I appreciate it a ton. Jess.
Posts: 870 | From ct | Registered: Nov 2012
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