Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hi <<<<< LymeNet Family >>>>>,
I need to vent and howl a bit here...
We have a family member[blood related ,elderly, close family]. I love them very much...but sometimes...
Aaargh, I cannot get through to them, that we moved because of weather, closeness to VA hospital, safety.
Even tho' higher temperature/hot climate is not always fun to live in, It is better for TxCoords health and for me.Most of the time it is hot and dry here.
The family member, in their 80's wants to move to a beautiful area ,that I ,unfortunately cannot breathe in w/o continuous medication. They want us to help keep *someone* else 'in line'... so to speak.
TxC' and I have chosen not to stay in communication w/ this other *someone*, because they are always angry,bossy and bullying. We wont live like that, there would be no peace,no chance to relax and heal.
I do not wish to be mean, and my elderly relative just doesn't seem to hear us when we try to explain why this wouldn't work.
The *someone* at the center of this issue,doesn't really have our elderly relatives best interests at heart. They are keeping alive a pipe dream,that is hurting our elderly relative.
The *someone*, is supposed to be living on the premises to help our elder relative, and is basically leaching off the elderly relative. They don't drag in from bed until between noon and five p.m..
Our elderly relative falls easily,and has many health issues. The *someone*, has stacked so much stuff in the house,that it isn't safe[ we've seen pics].
We contacted the proper authorities out of concern. They say they cannot do anything at this time. Elder gets mad at the *someone*, but wouldn't press charges if it came to that.
Can't seem to get through to this elder relative that they don't have to live like that. And we wont live like that. Just venting here.I don't want to internalize this.
Been having what I'll call near seizure episodes lately,and I am trying to stay as unstressed as possible.
TxCoord and I tho't that we'd finally gotten thru to our elderly family member, at least on why we are living where we've moved too... but evidently not...
AArghhhhh....um Lord... i really need that patience we talked about...but I need it now...Owooooooooo! Amen.
Sorry just hadda vent this out...
Jus' Silverwolfi here ArghwoooOOOOooooo
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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linky123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19974
posted
I don't really have any advice for you, but just wanted to say, "I feel your pain."
Nobody can drive us crazier than family.
Will send up a little prayer for patience and perseverance.
Take care and God bless.
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hi there <<<<< Linny K123 >>>>>,
Thank you for the prayers, hugs and empathizing!!!
Family just seems to get to us really easy...I suppose because we care so much.
I know you're 'linky123' but ,the computer will not let me put your online name in my bracket greeting still. It thinks I am bracketing a link...
and talking to it doesn't help...it ignores me[ LoL I was thinking about 'kayak's post 'talking to her stewed strawberries'].
I've used the < > bracketing for years, its my way of a greeting hug to all. Jus' so's ya know.
I am trying to stay patient, but am not successful right now . The *someone* else that we don't communicate with,is a concern also.
I feel the *person* is Ill,but they refuse to get any help. That makes it the more difficult, having to pray alot at this point.
Thanks again for the reply... jus' Silverwolfi
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
Silver, you said.. "Family just seems to get to us really easy...I suppose because we care so much."
Bingo! Its harder dealing with folks who are the closest to us and I feel your pain too.
After years of stressing over this kind of stuff I can only hope the next time I get dragged into this kind of situation I can provide what I can, and then close the door all the way on it. ASAP.
The stewing and mental abuse I cause for myself is not worth it. I need, and maybe you too, to let it go.
Easier said than done, for sure. But I wish you luck with it and hope they will be ok.
posted
UGH.. So sorry to hear. What a mess. You have chosen the path that is the BEST for YOU! Stay the course.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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Dogsandcats
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 28544
posted
Best to take care of the two of you. Health doesn't get better with challenging family members.
Take care and I am sure the family will do just fine......
-------------------- God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.
Billy Graham Posts: 1967 | From California | Registered: Oct 2010
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MADDOG
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 18
posted
I just not to long ago had a post about family making it so hard for me.
I feel your pain.
They can make us so much sicker.
MADDOG
Posts: 3996 | From Ohio | Registered: Oct 2000
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MannaMe
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 33330
posted
Silverwolf, We can feel for you... we have family who doesn't understand either. no amount of explaining has gotten through to them.
Praying you will have the wisdom to know how to deal with the situation and set your boundaries.
Posts: 2248 | From USA | Registered: Aug 2011
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posted
Thanks all. There are times when we both wish we could just get away from it by "disappearing".
We've already separated contact from a couple family members (one of her side one on mine) and it wasn't easy decisions but we had to consider what was best for our well being.
This one is difficult because we keep getting drawn into their drama and cutting this particular person out is not an option right now (age + illness).
So we will destress as much as is possible and not dwell, mentally, on it. As a Facebook friend posted "No cursin', no, nursin' no rehearsin' let God do the reversin'." Good advice I think.
-------------------- I have a good time wherever I go! Posts: 665 | From Lost Wages, NV | Registered: May 2006
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
ah, i so understand. the only way is to divorce yourself from family. you have to think of your sanity and health. it's the only way.
i have a sister, the one with ra, who is working. she's been notified that she's level 4, the step before being fired. she takes a ton of meds for her ra. she's been late to work, has made some serious mistakes regarding patients, it's a wonder she has not been fired yet.
we have tried to talk to her about filing on her ex-husband's social security but it goes in one ear and out the other. for some reason she says "oh but he needs it"...the guy is almost a millionnaire.... PLEASE....
we think she signed away everything in the divorce cause the way she acts, so guilty, and all she own't discuss it.
she won't change doctors, won't listen to anybody and does what she wants. my one sister is worrying herself sick about her. she bought a new car and her house is falling down around her. she can't afford to get anything fixed and has all these grandiose plans...she dreams....
everyone in the family has tried to help her. she bled my parents dry. almost caused a divorce with the one sister who stupidly loaned her thousands, which she didn't pay back and i could go on and on....
she's a trainwreck...and because i have more than the rest, well, you figure it out. but i'm sick and tired of being taken advantage of by people who won't listen, period.
my one sister and i will have to pay for her funeral..
she complains and complains but refuses to help herself and when she looses her job, well, sorry.
i'm all out of sympathy.
you have to do what you have to survive.
many on here are in the same boat.
it's hard, really hard, and then to top it off, add lyme.
i just have had it myself with these people who are going "oh pity me" with their hand out.
and their family...sorry but i really understand your situation. you just do what you have to.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hi there <<<<< LymeNet Family,and each replier >>>>>,
Thank you for each reply, it really does help to have friends to vent to,and I know this is happening to far to many of us.
Yesterday,it was freshly painful, since we found out that the elder person, that we care about,and finally tho't we had gotten thru to, really doesn't get it.
When it is brought up again, and I know it will be we're going to tell our elder relative, NO! I've already resolved to tell them,flat out,' we love you,but we must stay true to what we feel is the best course for us. The course we feel the Lord has laid out for us.'.
If I cannot breathe,I cannot help TxCoord, I cannot get well, and I couldn't help anyone else either. My life w/ my hubby TxC' is important to me, he has stayed w/ me,and helped me thru every issue I have had.
And I will stay and help my TxCoord thru every trial,every issue he goes thru.
And frankly, elder relative keeps bringing up the *other someone*[also called Sonny Driver,in past posts] in the situation. The other keeps intentionally causing problems,arguing and so on.
We don't talk to *other* a decision made for our sanity. So we'll be telling elder relative, we do not wish to be around that person, or speak to them.
And we will be praying for our elderly relative to us wisdom,and take time to use resources in their city and thru their medical/insurance programs to help better their situation.
I've had to remind myself, elder relative has made some choices,and I cannot change them... A... 'let go and let God...' sort of thing.
Thank you each replier again,so much, I just needed to vent this out, and your insights are very valuable...you live w/ these type situations too!
Often ,I read,when something similar is happening to y'all here on Lymenet, and I read to TxC' what is happening.Or sometimes he makes me aware of a situation too.
You are our family,and we keep you in our tho'ts and prayers...even if I'm brain burping...and don't type in and reply a times.
We are so glad this whole group is here!!!
Jus' Silverwolfi, an TxC' too.
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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linky123
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 19974
posted
-------------------- 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.' Matthew 11:28 Posts: 2607 | From Hooterville | Registered: Apr 2009
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Silverwolf
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 9196
posted
Hi <<<<< Lin-y w/ a K and 123 >>>>>,
Sorry my reply is late, thanks for the hugs and waves!!!!
The situation still saddens us, but TxC'and i are praying for the elder relative to be able to use some wisdom in their situation, when possible.
Jus' Silverwolfi here!!!
LOL if I add a parenthisis in my <<<<< >>>>>, Wolfi hug greetings, now the Laptop thinks I am sending an html link...it wouldn't add my reply that way... oh well... !!!
-------------------- 2006,May-August2006 Dx w/ Lyme/Bartonella/White Matter Lesion Disease on Brain. [ Clinical Dx w/ two positives and several IND's on the tests from Igenex ], Prior Dx of CFIDS/CEBV 1992, and FMS '93-'94 Diabetes*2 Dx 10/'08 Posts: 3581 | From SE Idaho | Registered: May 2006
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if I add a parenthisis in my <<<<< >>>>>, Wolfi hug greetings, now the Laptop thinks I am sending an html link...it wouldn't add my reply that way... oh well... ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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