Topic: i dont know if anyone can say anything that will help-small problem compared to some
lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
my younger son called to say he would come for surg for 4 days if i paid his plane ticket.
i am so confused on how to handle things. i want to be happy but i already told him if it was less than 7 days it wouldnt help financially-i could use the $ i saved for kennel for the ticket if he took care of dog...and talking to him just gets me nervous...its been so long since we talked...he has been busy in college...he thinks and talks so fast. i cant keep up. he doesnt get me at all. i love him so much...but i sort of had a plan that included a taxi taking me an hour to the hospital for surgery...and having my older son near a phone if there are problems for the doc to call...
i love him so much but i have changed so much and the kids somehow live their lives for years-dont visit and then come back and expect i will be the same
now i have a new stress 8 days from surg...hes under so much stress at school and i think he is coming cuz he feels guilty---
i want to be happy but i am falling apart...what is wrong with me...
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
I feel your pain. SOrry you are suffering.
I get that but swapped- My mom & dad always think of me as the same daughter they have always had- 30 years ago!
It gets so hard when I see them- and my siblings. People dont' take the time to get to know people any more is what I see.
anyway, I think you should stick to your plan. Tell your son that you love him very much and you would love him with you but that you have planned it all out and you are afraid that if you change your plan now it will cause too much stress on you.
Make sure you tell him that it is not HIM that will cause stress, but the CHANGE. Maybe you could invite him another time like afterward to help with dog, etc.
Tell him you want him to stay in his school and focus on that and THAT will make you feel more peaceful knowing he is working hard at his job- school.
I just had a time with my 19 year old who is away at school. I thnk they want to grown up but are also drawn to be near us. We need to remind each other and ourselves that life is about growing. Your son will be fine if you just be honest with him. If he doesn't get it right now, he will later.
Reasoning ability is still forming in people in their early 20s and longer if they have higher IQ.
I know it is hard to be "the mom" with all this business of lyme, but try and stay focused on what you need to work on now, which is getting yourself through this surgery.
Do you pray? I find praying really helps me through everything.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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posted
Ip, some post-op surgeries won't let you leave by taxi-- you have to go home with a caregiver,
however brief. Have you checked with your surgery team? Tell your son you will contact him after
surgery and that everything is in hand. Let him know that he is helping you by focusing on his
himself, his studies, etc.
AS children, the caregiver role has to be learned each generation. To some degree, you relinquish
some of the parent/control role with illness. It is not comfortable, but it happens. Just tell
yourself, this is a phase. The more you try to do after surgery, the more your younger son may try
to relapse into the child role. I don't know how many times while my mother was sick with multiple
myeloma that I wished that I was the child again. No matter how hard I wished, this never happened.
Try to relax and let the cosmos do their thing.
Posts: 482 | From Oregon | Registered: Feb 2011
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kam
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 3410
posted
I think your original plan sounds good. Better for your health.
Maybe he can come visit you when you are doing better and can enjoy his visit.
Posts: 15927 | From Became too sick to work or do household chores in 2001. | Registered: Dec 2002
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lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
thank you guys. i feel less alone now. i know i wont be released to a taxi...but i can be dropped off in a taxi. the problem with release is i have no idea when...it could be 4 days (i doubt it) or a week in rehab or like last time 3 weeks in rehab
an he lives far away and has to fly here so it cant be last minute
i figured a friend here would bring me home...even tho i am not that comfortable with them either at this point
i have been so sick i am wearing everyone out and using them up...and aware of it and trying not to...but still
last time they let me go home when still doped up with anesthesia"because i had a care giver"...he wasnt my caregiver and i was incontient and it was horrible...he was my son
i think they might keep me longer if i dont have a pick up...but its not that i dont want to stay longer but i dont want to use the floor as a toilet either...it is all so hard
one friend i do trust but her car is bad and i am trying to figure out renting a car...but it is so expensive...anyway thx...i agree...maybe i should get this done and then see if he can visit...i will for sure need all the help i can get when i come home
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
its done...thank you all. i need less stress. i called and said i would need him more when i got back from surg . he seemed relieved. we both are.
surgery today is so crazy. you dont know what will happen until it happens. no way to plan.
thank you all again...that was quick...less than a few hours and you helped me figure it out
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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