posted
I have been mentally unstable for the last 7-8 years which have nicely coincided with getting married and when we think my Lyme symptoms first began. But, how am I to know what is a Lyme flareup, and what is me just being crazy or depressed?
I am so miserable right now and am crying all day, every day.
Last week it was bc of leg pain and weakness and fatigue. I could barely walk bc my legs felt like they couldn't carry me. This week it is all depression and anxiety and fatigue. And it is at its worst right now bc I am also on my period.
I have a meltdown just about everyday bc I don't know what to cook for dinner and most of the time I throw my hands in the air and say screw it, they can all starve. Most times I wish I wasn't married bc I can't deal with it. I hate it.
I'm angry and sad all of the time. any little thing will set me off. noises bother me. people bother me. I just want to stay in bed all day in silence. I know this isn't normal.
I am yet to find a drug to help with the mental problems, and I have tried just about all of them. Right now, the psychiatrists wont tinker with any meds (currently Viibryd and Lamictal) bc of the Lyme; and the rheumy wont mess with his meds (Lyrica and Celebrex) bc of the Lyme. The Lyme Dr. is caught in the middle and just says stay on the meds the other drs. have given me, and we will get through it.
I'm in week 6 of Lyme treatment and am 99% positive that my Lyme is the neuro kind. Prior to 8 years ago, I used to be smart, active, assertive, and very outgoing. I had hopes and dreams. I even threw parties for a living. It was great.
Now I am 35 years old, and I have to force myself out of bed, and it is a struggle to get through each day, dreading that another one is to follow. My brain is a big bowl of mush. I can't even read anymore. I just watch TV or stare into space. Noises really bother me. I hate leaving the house and dread having to see people. Some of this has even gotten worse since starting treatment.
It's like my entire body is shutting down on me...like I am going to crash anyday. I'm not suicidal, but if I am being honest, I have lost will to live. All I want to do is stay in bed all day, everyday until one day I don't wake up.
How much of this is Lyme? How much of it is depression? Can either be fixed or am I stuck like this? My husband just keeps saying that I have to make the choice to be happy which makes me want to slap him across his face. Does he really think people choose to be unhappy?
Sorry to vent all of this on the Forum. I just don't have anyone to discuss the big picture. sometimes I think drs are too focussed on their area of expertise and are just guessing the rest of the time.
-------------------- Amy
Possible infection date 6/21/05 (no history of tick bite but went to hospital with "unexplained" high fever) Tested positive for Lyme and RMSF in Feb 2014 / suspected Babesia as well Posts: 65 | From Atlanta, GA | Registered: Feb 2014
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GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
Amy-I'm so sorry you are going through this.
I can relate to the before lyme life, and the during lyme life.
For what I've read weeks 4 through weeks 7 when first starting treatment are the worst. It sounds like you're right in the middle of the storm at 6 weeks in.
Is your doc treating bartonella?
Some of the emotions you expressed and the reactions you have were identical to mine before and during bartonella treatment.
Bartonella+Lyme=Mental Hell
I just wanted to tell you it DOES get better.
Only folks with lyme and co and your LL will understand. Trying to explain the turmoil of emotions with those who don't have a TBD is futile.
I would imagine it is just as difficult, if not more being married with TBD, as being single.
At least I can crawl into bed for two days, and no one tries to talk me into getting out of it.
Haha.
Hang in there. Soon, you will be having moments of peace and clarity, and it will make this time of chaos worthwhile. Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
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posted
Thanks, GretaM. you are like our resident pilar of strength.
I meant to add that my co-infection panel came back as : Babesia microti IGG and IGM = negative Ehrlichia Chaffeensis IGG and IGM = negative RMSF IGM = HH (I had a 1.76)
Don't remember symptoms of RMSF and I'm still alive, so I am assuming I thought it was something else and took antibiotics for it. Who knows? Can this cycle as well after initial treatment or partial treatment?
I think my rheumatoid factor was high, too. No test done for Bart, tho. I asked if I could have one later, but they think the antibiotics I am on may skew the results.
The tests were done through Quest and Solstas Lab Parters. I wonder how accurate these are. Thankfully my Lyme was done through igenx.
-------------------- Amy
Possible infection date 6/21/05 (no history of tick bite but went to hospital with "unexplained" high fever) Tested positive for Lyme and RMSF in Feb 2014 / suspected Babesia as well Posts: 65 | From Atlanta, GA | Registered: Feb 2014
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Judie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38323
posted
Lyme DOES effect emotions and reasoning ability. It can be horribly frustrating to make even simple decision. I have RMSF too and several co-infections that effect emotions.
I'm sorry your husband doesn't get it. It's no wonder you're unhappy. You can't do the things you did before and it's difficult to do even the simplest things. That would make me miserable too (and it does, I struggle every day with this).
I disagree that "happy thoughts" and deciding to be "happy" are the remedy.
What's going on is way more complex than that. This just adds to the problem by minimizing your experience and feelings. You need emotional support and understanding.
Sure, you can try not to linger on things, but when every movement is tainted by pain and cognitive problems, anyone will get frustrated. It's normal.
When I run up against someone who doesn't get and offers simple advice for the masses, I thank them for their advice, but than say, "that doesn't work for me. I need a different approach" or I just don't talk to them or I say I don't want to talk about it.
I also suggest reading Non-violent/compassionate communicate by Marshall Rosenberg.
It's all about negative emotions are there for a reason. They're there because you're not getting your needs met.
By the way, I have a friend who's bipolar and her psych meds just flat out stopped working for her one day. Her other symptoms made me think of Lyme. She got tested and has Lyme and co-infections. Her mental health is improving on Lyme meds.
Posts: 2839 | From California | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
Thanks, Judie. I actually read this article last night and was going to print a copy and stick on the fridge.
I was diagnosed as bipolar, too, but no meds work I never had issues before. I'm wondering if this is mostly Lyme and hope it clears up with treatment. Although it is REALLY bad right now.
Are there any tricks to getting through the severe "downs" and anger bouts? The only med I have that helps is Klonapin, and it mostly just knocks me out.
-------------------- Amy
Possible infection date 6/21/05 (no history of tick bite but went to hospital with "unexplained" high fever) Tested positive for Lyme and RMSF in Feb 2014 / suspected Babesia as well Posts: 65 | From Atlanta, GA | Registered: Feb 2014
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Judie
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38323
posted
Good for sticking it on your fridge! It sounds like an excellent place for a reality check when things get frustrating. You aren't imagining it.
"I'm wondering if this is mostly Lyme and hope it clears up with treatment. Although it is REALLY bad right now."
Could be, that's how it is for my friend. When her LLMD took her history, she believes she's had Lyme for 30 years, it's just been a slow growing process.
There's another lady in my support group who became bi-polar after Lyme (she got better with Lyme treatment).
Glycine and l-theanine has been helpful to me instead of psych meds, but I'm not bi-polar. I worked with an ND on the herbal/supplement stuff when psych meds stopped working.
posted
Thanks, everyone, for your advice and support. As quickly as it came on me, it went away. Not sure if it was a herx or a "bipolar episode", But it was BAD. Now I feel fine today.
I showed my therapist the psychiatric Lyme link, and she made a copy for herself. Spreading the word!
I get reevaluated on Friday. That will be just shy of 8 weeks in treatment. I'm also getting on magnesium (and iron due to anemia).
-------------------- Amy
Possible infection date 6/21/05 (no history of tick bite but went to hospital with "unexplained" high fever) Tested positive for Lyme and RMSF in Feb 2014 / suspected Babesia as well Posts: 65 | From Atlanta, GA | Registered: Feb 2014
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posted
It's physical - you are in need of effective management. It's not you who's doing this - as you said, you used to throw parties!
It would be nice for your husband to be educated about these illnesses so he could understand that you need to find treatments that are effective for you.
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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