poppy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5355
posted
To send to someone diagnosed with breast cancer. Has seen the surgeon. Don't know any details. Not going to ask. Got so used to hearing lymed people tell in great detail about their symptoms, treatment, that I very nearly was nosy and started to ask. But caught myself in time.
Want to send a card, not preprinted with any canned words. But having a hard time figuring out what to say. Anyone have suggestions? Just something simple, so she knows I care. This is a neighbor, not a close friend.
Posts: 2888 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dear ____, I'm very sorry to hear of your recent diagnosis and want to let you know that I'll be thinking of you during this challenging time in your life.
I know with your strong spirit you will meet this challenge with courage and strength. If you need any help, please feel free to call me.
Your friend,
Poppy
You can add or delete as you see fit! Hope that gives you a start.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
"They say" that the offer of help is best if you can offer specific help. If there are things you know you could do for her, then state what those are. Like if you could pick up her mail for her and bring it to the house, then mention that.
You're a good neighbor, poppy!
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
| IP: Logged |
Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- If you are not in the position for actual physical support you can say something like:
I can offer to help with chores -- but not with MY body -- Nevertheless, I will make calls and find those with good energy to can run circles around us both! I can round up a crew for any task. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
| IP: Logged |
beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
I would just say "Thinking of you" and if you can, bring an inexpensive bouquet of flowers or a home-cooked meal.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
| IP: Logged |
beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
When one of my neighbors had BC surgery I made a few home-cooked meals for her and her family .
When another had hip replacement surgery I did the same for her and her very large family.
Both were/are neighbors and friends.
I cook all the time for my own family. But doubling/tripling the ingredients/work/effort took a lot out of me physically, to the point my hands couldn't possibly cook a Thanksgiving dinner for us.
I don't regret what I did but I know for a fact that neither have any idea what I put into doing what I did (they aren't big on cooking family meals).
Smarter and wiser, next time around, I'd pay for a restaurant to deliver meals to their families. It would have been cheaper in the long run and much, much easier on me.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
| IP: Logged |
beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
Oh yeah, and not to sound crass or anything, but no one has brought a meal to my family despite knowing how sick my kids have been. Not to mention how sick I've been either. Just saying.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
| IP: Logged |
poppy
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 5355
posted
Thanks for the suggestions.
My neighbors don't know I am sick, but my family does and they don't even ask how I am, or check on me. Meanwhile they will help strangers.
Posts: 2888 | From USA | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
I love it when there is something little i can do for someone. The neighbors here who help me all the time are without a car right now and the one thing i can do without hurting myself is druve themplaces. I told them how good it makes me feel and to not hold back asking
When i had lumpectomy i couldnt drive for awhile to pick up meds or groceries-so that might be on your list of things you could do
Also...i couldnt reach into lundry, or cupboards etc. Couldnt comb / wash hair...or put on certain clothes and the help my insurance paid for refused to do those things so i asked neighbors...maybe you could say you will call once in awhile to see if there is anything helpful you can do
I liked that...i didnt have energy to dial but was able to pick up phone
It will depend how much help she has. I didnt have any except for minimal help that ins sent...it wasnt enough
Hope you can figure out how to help her without hurting you...need to be creative
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
| IP: Logged |
GretaM
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 40917
posted
That is nice of you to do Poppy.
I agree, when it is non TBD related, I often have to stop my, "get a second opinion" spiel.
also, something broke in me when I was abandoned by most of my friends when I was sick with lyme, and I have lost the ability to make a big deal out of dxs like cancer.
There is such good support and charity groups with vollunteers for folks with cancer- I feel resentful about it and figure they don't need my help for anything. The resources are there.
I don't like this part of me, but that's the way I am now.
But that is very kind of you poppy.
Posts: 4358 | From British Columbia, Canada | Registered: Jun 2013
| IP: Logged |
beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
Greta, I totally understand where you are coming from. Cancer patients have excellent support from the community and so many resources are available to them.
I hope one day we can say the same about Lyme Disease patients. The support we collectively have from community, friends and family is often minimal, at best.
And I know what you mean when you say that you've "lost the ability to make a big deal about dxs like cancer."
I told my kids awhile back that if I had a choice between lopping off my breasts and enduring chemo and radiation and whatever else a BC dx entailed, I'd take it in a minute vs. watching them suffer for years with this god-awful disease.
And yes, I'm sure people will chime in and tell me I am ignorant for saying that. But I have plenty of friends who are "BC survivors" and are otherwise healthy. They haven't been ravaged by chronic illness. They have had the unending support of community organizations. They can get meals for their families, car rides to doc appointments, etc. without even asking!
Only reason I did what I did was because these ladies were/are friends I had for many years. I know they very much appreciated what I did eventhough they hadn't a clue as to how much time and effort and exhaustion it took out of me.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
| IP: Logged |
The Lyme Disease Network is a non-profit organization funded by individual donations. If you would like to support the Network and the LymeNet system of Web services, please send your donations to:
The
Lyme Disease Network of New Jersey 907 Pebble Creek Court,
Pennington,
NJ08534USA http://www.lymenet.org/
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
Printer-friendly view of this topic