posted
My daughter got sick in 9th grade, which was six years ago. She's turning 21 and still hasn't graduated.
Part of me wants to say forget about school. Focus on learning to live independently. Go to school when you feel better. every year she enrolls in classes at the local community college. She starts with the best of intentions, but then the stress gets to her and her symptoms flare so much she can't keep up. It gets worse and worse. She then drops out and hopes that the next quarter she I will feel better. It's a vicious cycle.
She has tried online, tutors, late afternoon classes, 504 plans. You name it, she's tried it.
I'm at a loss. When she can't do it she gets depressed and feels bad about herself. Of course her healthy peers are graduating college or working and going to school. Very few understand her illness and even her closest friends don't understand why she isn't working or can't graduate.
She's so isolated that when she is feeling good she needs to have fun. Too much fun and school is hard. Itsso frustrating!
I guess I'd like to hear what you and yours have done about school. What worked?
Her life path has always been to get a great education and life would be her oyster. Now she's got about a year to go.
Help! Please!
Posts: 333 | From Lyme Here Too | Registered: Mar 2010
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beaches
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 38251
posted
Kellye, my heart goes out to you and your daughter.
I remember reading awhile ago that your husband passed. And that you are left dealing with a sick daughter. To say life isn't fair is an understatement.
Been there, done that re: the online classes, the 504, the tutors, etc. Perhaps at this point it's best for her to just pursue a GED?
That would enable her to move past HS and start taking community college classes.
Totally understand your pain. And totally get the need for her to feel nml.
As for her "life path" I'd say she's already gotten quite an education just dealing with her illness.
I had to step back from my expectations as to what my children could accomplish academically re: HS and college, given their illnesses.
At this point, I'm just happy if they can function in the world.
As in, get up in the morning, go to school/work for a few hours and come home without collapsing. And eating dinner with the family without me having to bring it to them in bed is huge.
I don't know if this helped you or not, but just know you are not alone. There are a lot of mothers out there who relate to what you posted.
Posts: 1885 | From here | Registered: Jul 2012
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posted
She so badly wants to be independent! In July she moved into a small studio apartment close to my house.
She stays there about half the time, the other half here. When here she is usually in bed too sick to care for herself.
She is taking community college classes. The college will issue a high school diploma at the same time she completes her AA degree. Right now I am working with disability support services to build it into her plan that she gets flexibility for enrollment and withdrawal dates. So that if she needs to withdraw later in the quarter that she can not have it show as a zero or a withdrawal on her transcript. I'm also hoping for refunds.
Beaches thank you for your response. Yes, having dinner at the dinner table is a huge deal. My bedroom is the new dining room and has been for years.
I told her that I totally support whatever she decides to do. I've asked her to think about what makes her happy and to to put aside what others think she should do, Or what she thinks she should do. Yes, these kids get quite the education just learning to live with chronic TBD.
Posts: 333 | From Lyme Here Too | Registered: Mar 2010
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surprise
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 34987
posted
I don't have a high schooler in treatment, but yours is lucky to have you----
My child in tx is younger, and has PANS/ PANDAS, which has it's own set of twists and turns.
This year, after seeing the stress and regression that happened going back to school, we decided to online homeschool. It's actually working out very well,
but, I do have to sit right next to her daily while she does the school work. My presence next to her, me paying attention while she does it, gives her the confidence.
Not sure if that would work with older teenage kids- our online program is through our district, and good- not overwhelming
-------------------- Lyme positive PCR blood, and positive Bartonella henselae Igenex, 2011. low positive Fry biofilm test, 2012. Update 7/16- After extensive treatments, doing okay! Posts: 2518 | From USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Razzle
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 30398
posted
Does the school disability program have counselors who can teach her stress management, time management, and study skills? I found to make it through school, I had to figure out how to de-stress before going to bed each day or else I'd just crash & burn health-wise.
And if they have any tutors who are experienced with test anxiety students, that may help also.
Test anxiety may be a big part of her stress problem, as the anxiety can build slowly and insidiously (unnoticed) until it becomes overwhelming.
I had panic attacks (triggered by Prednisone) through high school & college, but finally heard a radio program my last year of college that taught me how to diffuse the panic attacks. I have not had a panic attack since implementing the technique (customized to my situation).
Relaxation, counseling, acupuncture, and other similar therapies may also be helpful.
-------------------- -Razzle Lyme IgM IGeneX Pos. 18+++, 23-25+, 30++, 31+, 34++, 39 IND, 83-93 IND; IgG IGeneX Neg. 30+, 39 IND; Mayo/CDC Pos. IgM 23+, 39+; IgG Mayo/CDC Neg. band 41+; Bart. (clinical dx; Fry Labs neg. for all coinfections), sx >30 yrs. Posts: 4166 | From WA | Registered: Feb 2011
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momindeep
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7618
posted
Such a hard deal...can relate...my daughter got ill in 8th grade...she had some really awful times...but there were periods of time she was functional...even was a cheerleader for awhile...but mostly home sick.
She is 15 years away from that...but she admits to me to this day that her childhood was so messed up do to all the concerns you share, that she still struggles at times, with it all.
It will always be a part of her life and I know that she is learning that as awful as it all was, that there is goodness there if you look and lessons hard won.
I never dreamed that my daughter would go to college...she just was so sick...but guess what?...she is in her first semester and kicking butt at 28!
Sometimes, there is a season for things and that includes illness...the best thing we did for our daughter was to keep looking for a good doctor and to also give her a chance to heal...it took awhile for both, but it did eventually happen.
Does she feel a sense of loss for a lost childhood...yes, I think she grieves that on a certain level...but she is hopeful and no one can take that away.
A mother's heart breaks for their child. I mother's heart breaks for the unfairness, isolation and loss for their beloved child...but your daughter's story isn't over yet and there will be other seasons.
Posts: 1512 | From Glenwood City WI | Registered: Jul 2005
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