randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
oh heavens, more crap.
my younger sister called. husband was standing right there. she wanted to borrow a thousand dollars. just said she couldn't pay her bills. said it would take awhile to pay back.
she's got these people living with her and they don't pay her. the woman totalled her car, carries her cell phone. family can't get through because this woman is controlling her but she lets her. its a big mess.
my other sister recently gave her 400 because she was broke.
anyway this woman was supposed to pay utility but didn't. so she owes 800 or they cut them off.
I had to say no. it's not my fault she makes bad decisions.
anyway called other sister and was saying I told her no. this sister got really nasty and said i turned my back on family and cared more about money then fine and hung up.
very hurt and upset. no wonder I fell..distracted.
husband was yelling saying no don't do it, I'm trying to explain to her i can't, she's saying oh you have plenty....big scene.
so now I'm persona non grata.......again.
I'm tired. we've both worked very hard for what we have. double jobs, nights, etc. never asked anybody for nothing.
she must be down to call me but I have alot of questions. throw them out...first...
she's got medical problems and takes alot of drugs.
boy i feel bad and now they blame me.
crap....my family causes more problems.....
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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lpkayak
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5230
posted
None of my siblings ask anymore. One asked a brother who has helped everyone in our family and his wifes family. He hs given thousands of dollars
He finally said no. Hes getting ready to retire from.second job and rusing his two yo grand son. Hes finally able to say. Sorry, i need to be careful of money for retirement
-------------------- Lyme? Its complicated. Educate yourself. Posts: 13712 | From new england | Registered: Feb 2004
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momindeep
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 7618
posted
Randi...don't you beat yourself up with guilt or any other bad feeling. If people keep bailing her out...it will take your sister longer to see the light...ya, and most people DO work hard for their money... so sorry...we all know here that you have a good heart.
Posts: 1512 | From Glenwood City WI | Registered: Jul 2005
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- Sounds like she may be in an abusive / control situation and she may be forced to ask.
If you might help her, it would be best to help her seek outside counsel on how to manage the situation she is in with credit counselors or the like.
It may not really be her fault as it may appear. Or there may be some mitigating factors with force. Sounds like she needs some legal & personal counseling help, really.
Can you talk to her ALONE, with no one else in the room or on the line?
You could help her connect with an agency that could help her organize the matters in her life.
You can do this just a little bit by even getting the contacts for a couple groups and emailing those to her . . . or also engage in a conversation if you want to understand more about how to help with figuring out a plan for action which is really what's required here, not just a band aid.
But, if you are not up for that or just can't . . . you could at least seek out a couple key groups so she has some kind of way out. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
my family does not believe in counseling. better to keep things private. I have to hear from others what goes on.
she didn't tell me the woman didn't pay her bills. this is a very bad situation where she invited strangers to live with her while the family screamed bloody murder but she wouldn't listen. they sucked her dry and now she's flat broke.
shes on chemo.gaining weight, hair fallinng out. a. real mess. this woman is a bully and has taken over but she won't face her.
my other sister has supported her before. husband says no way but he recently paid for his exwifes daughter to come here and stay for a week.cost was almost 1500 but hey he considers her family.
my sisters know how much he spends on his family and it causes problems.
not fair but I can't do anything.
well i'll stay in the dog house.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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Catgirl
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 31149
posted
quote:Originally posted by momindeep: Randi...don't you beat yourself up with guilt or any other bad feeling. If people keep bailing her out...it will take your sister longer to see the light...ya, and most people DO work hard for their money... so sorry...we all know here that you have a good heart.
Agree.
-------------------- --Keep an open mind about everything. Also, remember to visit ACTIVISM (we can change things together). Posts: 5418 | From earth | Registered: Mar 2011
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- She is asking for help. I don't think she is (just) asking for money but she may not even know there could be some kind of legal recourse for her..
You say "not fair but I can't do anything."
there are so many other ways of helping. You say your family does not believe in counseling, I was talking about LEGAL COUNSEL.
She has someone living in her home, a renter who is not paying rent. #1.
She also seems to have trouble with balancing her budget. So, help locate FINANCIAL COUNSEL to help her design a budget, payment options, etc.
You could locate appropriate agencies for legal / practical counsel for her. There are many ways to help someone. She is in trouble and likely just too buried to get out from under without some life line.
You might not have to do much research to find a key agency in her area that could help get her started on some kind of action plan. -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
my sister has offered to take over her finances but she says no. she refuses help.
called and they said nobody has heard from her since they gave her money.
they've made numerous apps with ssa and others but she doesn't show up. she doesn't even get her tax info to sister on time.
she won't tell the truth only bits and pieces. gets mad if you try and discuss things.
i'm going to send 300 since that's what he gave his sister and I'm sending it to other sister who will pay part of a bill.
husband is right. if I send it to her she'll either blow it or that woman will get it.
unfortunately she's easily manipulated. but why she won't listen to family, hell if I know.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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steve1906
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16206
posted
I'm sorry to hear your sister is sick, and going through chemo, not fun stuff!
I'm sure that makes it that much harder for you.
You have a long life to live, make sure you and your husband spend your money wisely.
People/family that ask for money and say they'll not sure when or how I'll be able to pay you back, will continue to ask for money till you say no.
That's one of the main law suits in small clams court.
Be well, Steve
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
You can lead a horse to water, but that is it.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
we have nothing aand I keep asking God to keep us afloat and he does answer- just enough to float.
we rely on charity for lots of things. but, I have never asked family for money. #1- if I lend money to family would I exepct it back? no. and that is why I don't ask because I know it will be very hard for me to pay back and I dont want that type of relationship.
#2- if the relative is loaded they would have offered to help if they wanted to because they all know we have nothing, rigth?
#3- it would be humilating. even more so than going bankrupt.
I have become the expert asker for financial aid for my kids in everything they do- sports, school tuition, youth group trips, you name it. and there is usually always help - people that give tons so that they can help - in churches, schools, clubs, etc. food banks, etc....
we used to have money. I am the type that gives until I have none, but now I have nothing to give. one day I hope I win the lottery or find a money bag so I can give it all back to those that helped us.
that will probablly never happen, but it makes me feel better thinking it could one day. I hate being broke. it really is the pits. and you learn to go without so so much.
maybe you could encourage your sister to get some charity in other areas, and then maybe she can pay the other bills with money from that was saved? my elecreic bill is like $500 a month and we are on a budget , and when my husband was out of work for two years we couldn't pay it and they told us they had a plan for low income people. it really helped. also, they put us on a payback plan where they add the extra stuff we owe onto out new bill until it's paid.
and you can call and have this restarted over and over . I will owe everyone until I die. this is my life with tick disease.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
and I am thinking.... if my sister had free loaders I would tell her I'd lend her the money i she made them get out!!! or I would offer to tell them myself. maybe she is a wimp, and could be if she fell into that situation anyway.
wimp for any reason, espcially poor health, which can make even the strongest person a wimp.
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
called sister. they gave her money. no thanks no phone calls nada zilch nothing. nobody has heard a word.
she always does this. no thanks for birthday, chrismas, etc.
you never know if she gets stuff or not.
I don't know wth is wrong with her.
I'm in so much pain right now I freaking jus don't care.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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steve1906
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 16206
posted
That’s one of the first things we learn, Etiquette.
You’re right, you’ll never know if she received the gift?
I would wait a couple of weeks and then call or Email.
Say something like; I sent you a gift a few weeks ago, just making sure you received it.
Randi, It sounds like you need some cheering up, don’t be down because of others that don’t care!!! Remember, you’re a good person!
A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can pee into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars." The man then begins to undo his pants and begins peeing. He starts peeing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to the bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could pee all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."
Steve
-------------------- Everything I say is just my opinion! Posts: 3529 | From Massachusetts Boston Area | Registered: Jul 2008
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LisaK
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 41384
posted
Randi, I have siblings like that. never a word for any gift. I always tell myself that I am shutting them off from gifts/cards, etc. but I always give in. one day I just wanna scream in everyone's faces.
I don't know what to tell you.
people are just mean and rude and thoughtless
-------------------- Be thankful in all things- even difficult times and sickness and trials - because there is something GOOD to be seen Posts: 3558 | From Eastern USA | Registered: Jul 2013
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quote:Originally posted by randibear: called sister. they gave her money. no thanks no phone calls nada zilch nothing. nobody has heard a word.
- Who is "they?"
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
I have three sisters. oldest has no money and is keeping me informed. next oldest is giving the one who has problems money and says I don't support family and all.
then there's me.
and the youngest, who has problems. it's a mess.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96222 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
yeah she's done some things for the youngest one that is freakin unbelievable...like taking out a second mortgage on their house and giving it to the sister without telling her husband....
now that almost caused a divorce...oh wait...he did move out for awhile.
and she never paid her back...total loaned was 18 grand...that's why I don't loan her money...ever
she'll get some for her birthday..through another sister...
I gotta think of a title for my book.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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