posted
I have lyme since 10 years and my parents were always harsh on me with my situation. They were never fully understanding and it took a lot of effort from my side to talk them into helping me. I think they were always broken and that i just didn't see it. As i had distance i forgot a lot and im a very forgiving person, maybe too much.
Fast forward i lived at ex girlfriends. I lived in flats, at girlfriends and friends because i have MCAS and MCS from lyme. Its terrible. I have seen over 300 apartments i have over 3000 emails in my main email account (not speaking of the other one) because i tryed to desperately fix my situation. I was always dreaming of "that one clean apartment" for me. I was going from friend to friend.
When i found one the landlord sold it. The next was waterdamaged so i moved out. Then it began... i was moving from place to place, tented in the woods when it got terrible, i lost all my ex girlfriends (im a pretty man) because they could not understand the situation.
If there is any mold in the building i cant move in. It will trigger the lyme to a point where i get hyper neurotoxic symptoms. Same for many other things, sometimes i dont even know what is making me ill.
I tryed to move far away and after having no luck for 3 months in finding something decent for me my mother was like i should come back home for a while. I risked my new health (therapies for lyme) to gain hold in life. I wanted an apartment for myself...But it was also hard on my health. I said to myself i go back for now.
After coming home after 10 years my mum was like i can stay here as long as i have something decent. Moving away became less of a thing because it was so useless. I felt like looking for the needle in the desert.
The house of my parents i tolerted it quite well. Why? Because it was built for that in mind. I remember my ex girlfriend saying to my parents : You have to make sure he always has a place to recover, to come home if its needed. I heared this when everyone thought i was sleeping when i was feeling bad.
I started to stream videogames from home and i saw good numbers. Despite all the lyme and things i was a good gamer and streamer. Sometimes maybe a bit boring when i had too much fatigue but thats it. I pushed it quite a bit. I thought finally i can do something from home with the lyme. I found other lymies as well, some of them much bigger than me but still...i got into something.
Then they became more toxic. Suddenly i was cured. Suddenly i wasnt so sick anymore. Because i was doing something. Yeah i was living in a house that didnt wear me out 24/7 of course i did something.
My mum would act like im a pain in the ass even tho she didnt see me most of the time because she was working and i was streaming mostly. It all made no sense. My father also became sick with lyme and i cured him with a couple of herbs and he didnt have to go to the mental hospital. This is no lie i just try to keep this story shorter.
Then my mum became very toxic. She said she doesnt want to live with me anymore. She said youre 30 and old enough. I had to laugh. What the **** was she thinking? Ah, she was at a dinner with friends. These folks that say just throw him out again with MCS and MCAS he will be okay.
I didnt understand why. Because we had one day where we had a fight, all of the family members?! Im more the quiet guy so i didnt get it. I told her its hard for me to find something in time.
She didnt listen and sold the house. Now im living in an airbnb and having symptoms from MCAS and MCS isnt fun. I have huge bags under the eyes. She doesnt care. She was spamming me with "youre old enough" and "youre not that sick you can do it" bull****. I should just be happy.
Are you serious?! First off, she offered me to come home, recover and relax, i lived outside of her house for 10 years. I lived in tents because of the MCS. Just because im 30 and was ****ed up by LYME/MCS its not like you can throw someone out and be like here have fun. No one of my friends is shaming me they all understand it. They are all shocked. I guess the streaming made them think im strong now. But this doesnt mean i can live anywhere.
She and my dad both force it. They even think they do something "for me"
I wont lie but all the fear, stress and the fear of ending on the streets with MCAS/MCS and lyme is insane. It triggers me. It puts me into traumatic stress. I feel so helpless at the moment it kind of freezes me. Certainly wont go to "Christmas" this year.
Posts: 1 | From Germany | Registered: Dec 2017
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- A word, a concept, a goal: compassion. Compassion for yourself . . . and for others.
There is just so much we can't know about others' needs - for whatever reasons. But, as comedienne Sarah Silverman said in a video clip I saw this week
[paraphrased] "We're all just spinning on a rock in space" . . . .
and I take from that, it's helpful if we don't let fear take over and that we nurture compassion.
During this very rough emotional time, I hope you might have access to a counselor who might help you process your feeling, explore various ways of looking at all this and maybe some practical connections. Good luck. -
[ 12-13-2017, 10:08 PM: Message edited by: Keebler ]
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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Keebler
Honored Contributor (25K+ posts)
Member # 12673
posted
- One of my favorite quotes for perspective
Excerpt From "Thanks, Robert Frost" - by David Ray in "The Poet's Choice" 1980
NEW YEAR'S EVE
Do you have hope for the future? Someone asked Robert Frost, toward the end.
Yes, and even for the past, he replied, that it will turn out to have been all right for what it was,
something we can accept, mistakes made by the selves we had to be, not able to be, perhaps, what we wished, or what looking back half the time it seems we could so easily have been, or ought . . . .
[. . . that it will turn out to have been all right for what it was . . . .] -
Posts: 48021 | From Tree House | Registered: Jul 2007
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posted
Wow - I'm thinking it would be best to hang out with folks who get it - who have MCS or understand it's a real condition. We don't need people in our lives who are hard on us for being sick. Could you hang out with those nice friends of yours for a while?
MCS is a hard condition to live with, even when people knows there's a problem, since we're always having to make adjustments, including with our housing.
You stated you felt better in your parents' house. I wouldn't use the word "cure," since you still have the condition, but, the point being, you could function and enjoy some life.
So, therefore, you need to find housing that has no mold and no chemicals outgassing. One way to do that is to link up with any organization that is an online MCS group - that's what we have here, and when someone with MCS needs housing, they make an online post. And I'd say most do find housing with others with the condition.
So you'd think there would be others in Germany with MCS! Could you do a little research to find out if there's any online MCS groups there that you could join and post your need for housing?
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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