I've been recovered from Chronic Lyme and Bartonella for a couple of years after being sick my whole life. This is the first time in my life that I've been healthy.
On Friday night, I was bitten by a mosquito and the next morning I woke up with a bull's eye rash at the spot where it bit me.
I started Doxy yesterday and I'm going to my LLMD on Monday. I keep having scary and upsetting thoughts about back when I was really sick and no one believed me. The whole situation was so disgusting. It's so horrible to be sick and to not only not have any support, but to be told that I'm making it up for attention.
That made me almost feel like I was going crazy. I knew that I really was sick, but it's like part of me believed them. I was constantly made to feel that I was crying wolf and looking for attention.
I'm so worried about whether I'm going to get sick again and what's going to happen. I can't live like that again. I keep having to remind myself that I was lucky enough to get a bull's eye this time and that I began treatment immediately. But I'm still scared. I think a huge component as to why I'm so upset and scared is because of the whole experience last time of not being believed.
I still have this thing where anytime I get sick, I feel like I have to prove myself because I feel that people won't believe me.
My dad and I had a huge fight this morning because he knew that I've contracted Lyme Disease again and he didn't ask me about it. He didn't believe me back then and made that very known, and he never apologized to me, so all of these years since then I've never felt like this was resolved and I don't have a good relationship with him because of it. His not believing me made me feel that he doesn't love me, and I've been carrying that feeling for most of my life.
How do you help someone understand how badly they hurt you by not believing you? How do you make peace in your relationship with that person? I really need him to apologize.
Posts: 241 | From New Jersey | Registered: Jan 2015
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Tincup
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 5829
posted
So very sorry you were in the position that you were treated so horribly, even by your own family. No one should have to walk in those shoes, ever.
If it helps, you are not alone. This happens so many times to so many people.
If you haven't yet, you might try the Spoon Theory with your dad? It is linked on this page.
The best explanation I think has always been having family watch "Under Our Skin" with you. It is linked on this page under Books & Films.
The last thought is that you probably have many, many things you and your dad agree on. You can also probably think of many things he has done for you over the years BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU.
I'd suggest writing them all down, even if it takes a week to make the list.
Then put the list away for a month.
Then go back to it, read it carefully and slowly, and then ask yourself if having one disagreement is worth never having a good relationship with him again.
Remembering too what they say about Lyme... that you don't "get it" unless you get it.
You are, in my opinion, very lucky to have a father who you can talk to and have in your life. Make the most of it while you can.
Please don't let him leave this world without letting him know, TELLING HIM, you love him.
posted
My first thought is for you to be able to take control of the Lyme situation. If you are able to go to the Lyme doctor and get the treatment you need, then you are taking care of this new exposure. Wow, a mosquito.
It may sound strange, but I try not to give others the power to upset me. I can't control everyone in my life, but what I do have control over is me, my thoughts, my feelings.
At this point, if I KNOW that I'm right about something, then I let that other person go and stay centered in myself and stay calm.
It's taken a while for me to get to this place, but I keep my own peace of mind this way and don't allow others to take it away. It's a mindfulness practice, not easy to do, but more relaxing actually, not demanding something of someone else.
If I'm not sure, then I need to be open to others possibly being correct about something.
Posts: 13116 | From San Francisco | Registered: May 2006
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When I first realized that I manifested the same illness again, I've been wondering if there is a lesson that I need to learn that I didn't learn the first time, so the same situation came back to me.
Even though it is different now. Now, I have a bull's eye and I have a LLMD, so things shouldn't get as bad as they were the first time around.
Then, I had the huge blow-up fight with my dad, and now it's clear to me why I manifested Lyme again: I need to resolve the pain that my dad caused me when I was sick the first time.
All this time, I've been burying my feelings and pain from when I was sick and he didn't believe me. But I can't bury it anymore because it's made me physically and emotionally sick. I need this resolved.
Posts: 241 | From New Jersey | Registered: Jan 2015
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aklnwlf
Frequent Contributor (5K+ posts)
Member # 5960
posted
Miss V, I'm sorry that your family has caused you pain and is not supportive. You deserve all the love and help they can provide.
Many of us here at Lymenet have gone through similar circumstances.
We're here for you and believe you.
This is my own experience with family....
My own father was physically abusive and towards the end of his life I did try to tell him how I felt.
It didn't matter what his response was (bad), but as an adult I wanted to give that terrified little girl a voice.
I didn't yell, just talked about him being to hard on me, etc.
He sure as hell didn't like it but I stuck up for myself....finally.
It was also recommended to me that I do EFT tapping for childhood emotional trauma.
My father passed away in 2005 and through tapping I was able to work through the trauma and forgive him.
He and I are both at peace.
Wishing you the best.......
-------------------- Do not take this as medical advice. This comment is based on opinion and personal experience only.
Alaska Lone Wolf Posts: 6149 | From Columbus, GA | Registered: Jul 2004
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