posted
I actually love this show. I watch it every monday night. I've always been fascinated in what makes people tick anyway, regardless of what their "issue" is. This show brings out the armchair psychologist in me.
My DH is very sensitive when it comes to that kind of stuff, and he's actually left the room and gone to throw up. Usually it's when they're emptying the contents of a really bad refridgerator.
Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010
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2roads
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4409
posted
I actually know somebody like this.
I really don't know what to do about it.
My sister thinks I should call child services, but I don't know what they would do.
This woman has two kids, one 8 and one 10. She is married in a very dysfunctional marriage.
She is a control freak. Although she is not physically abusive, she is emotionally, due to her control issues.
The home is abominable. It is one floor over a dingy basement housing a washer and dryer.
Two rooms are not usable because they are packed with stuff. The children sleep in a double bed with their mother. The father is in the bottom of a bunk bed in the other only inhabitable bed room.
There is no space, only walkways. One sitting room, one bathroom, kitchen remaining semi-usable.
It's filthy. There's trash in places. She cannot use her kitchen so the kids eat frozen pizza and P&J. They live on it.
Let me just say that no friends can visit there because there's no place to play. The Mother admits that. I she will not let them visit others, and others cannot come to play,life is very limiting.
She is mentally unwell.
My son has seen hers very infrequently since a falling out between us.
But, recently the husband called to get the boys together. When the father picked him up he said three times that his son spends his life playing the WII. He did just start Boy scouts though, thank goodness.
He came over last night. Although the Mom shops at Gymboree and he "looks good", he's malnourished in my opinion. So, last night he brings over his plastic pumpkin with Halloween candy.
I kid you not, the place where it was dumped on my carpet (after he had left), was covered with debris, and there was a small magot wiggling in the midst of it.
My son partook of that candy as well.
Their house is so run down.
There's water stains, , very little flooring remaining in the kitchen, the yard is a mess. All the blinds stay closed to keep the world away from the dirty little secret. I was only one that was let in, aside from extended family.
They tried to tell her she needs help.
She won't get it. She blames everything on not having enough to work with and not knowing where to start.
They don't have a lot of money. She works part-time in a school cafeteria, and although he is a researcher at a university, he is loosing his job in 8 weeks.
I don't know what to do.
I don't want her to loose her kids, I just want someone to help them, and motivate them.
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
i'm sorry but i'd call child protective services.
i don't think anyone has to know and it can be anonymous.
it's the children who are suffering.
at least call and get information.
boy i sure would. in fact, my mother called the police on my brother inlaw when he was beating my sister.
so things can be done.
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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2roads
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4409
posted
Randi,
I am afraid they will take the kids away.
That is not good.
If I call to ask questions, I don't see how I can back out if I don't like the answers.
I also think she will know it's me.
They live a block from the school. I wish there was some way someone there could pay them a visit.
I'm sorry.
I'm working my way up to doing it, but it's just so hard.
I rationalise that no one's perfect, especially me.
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
No, no one's perfect. But these children are living in a h**l hole, and really need some type of rescuing. Chances are that social services will REQUIRE her to get the counseling she needs in order to keep her kids.
Is the yard a mess as well? If so, maybe you could call the city and complain anonymously, and then someone would be sent out and the cat would be out of the bag, so to speak?
I really would hate to be in your situation, as it's easier said than done to turn someone in like that. There are worse places than foster care though, and this just might be the wake up she needs to get help for herself. You know she's not happy either.
If she works part time, and her DH is losing his job, then they would qualify for services through the county they live in for mental health services.
Maybe you could call the school counselor, and say something there? Not give your name of course. Or write a letter.
I'm sorry, I'm just trying to brainstorm here. I know how hard it is to make that call when it could result in someone losing their kids. I had to make that call once due to abuse. Even then it was hard, but it was done.
These children's basic needs aren't being met. They're not getting nutritious meals. They don't have their own bed. It's not healthy to have to sleep with your mother. Not once you get to a certain age, anyway. They can't have social interactions with other children outside of school, since she won't allow them to go anywhere (afraid they might see a "normal" home???), and no one can come to their house.
I'm sorry, this post got too long. And while I know what really NEEDS to be done, I understand how hard it is to do it. Hugs to you.....
Posts: 624 | From Oklahoma | Registered: Jun 2010
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posted
It's a fire hazard. Why not turn them in to the fire marshall?
If there were a fire, they may not be able to get out.
I'm sure the lady doesn't know where to begin .. I think that is the big issue with hoarders.
I dont' think I could watch that show either. I could barely watch when Oprah would have one of those on her show.
-------------------- --Lymetutu-- Opinions, not medical advice! Posts: 96223 | From Texas | Registered: Feb 2001
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randibear
Honored Contributor (10K+ posts)
Member # 11290
posted
there has got to be a way. here in my area we can "anonmyously" contact the social agencies.
in fact, i did it on some people who had animals and they were mistreating them.
the children should come first, heck with parents.
my husband gets up and leaves the room. he can't stand it and he doesn't have any patience at all for some of those people who start screaming and yelling. well i don't either, but i try to understand them.
after i watch a show, i start going around the house cleaning everything. it sort of helps me realize what i need to do. sounds strange, but it does.
i am blessed in a lot of ways. now i just have to do something about that 185 pound problem...
-------------------- do not look back when the only course is forward Posts: 12262 | From texas | Registered: Mar 2007
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2roads
Frequent Contributor (1K+ posts)
Member # 4409
posted
...the other thing is that I really question the financial support they'll get for change.
I mean, she needs someone to come in and get rid of things-that takes money. Someone to help her cope with it's loss-takes money. To clean up-money.
If they drop a time table guantlet without providing the resources, I will have shot her in the foot.
If they provide the tools, then I would feel more okay with calling. But to instill a timeline and leave her out to dry is not fair.
I ran into her tonight shopping. She had the kids. Her daughter looks so wired. I doubt she is getting any sleep in that bed. Her daughter has this glare like Johnny Depp in Willy Wonka, the smile too....she looks half crazed. I think she can't take playing Mom without the upper hand anymore.
Ugh.....
Posts: 2214 | From West Chester, PA | Registered: Aug 2003
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