I know I may be wearing you all but this is where I get my education and going through this
process from h#*ll to health - well, I have always been a writer, it has always been my outlet!
Over the years my emotional reactions to situations have plagued me terribly. I have been
to counseling and even to a hypnotherapist trying to get a grip on my emotional instability.
I have drudged up every thing over and over believing it was the contributing factor to my
instability. Willing to do whatever I had to do in order to get better, I continued to go.
I am realizing how much this disease has been the culprit. Not my past, not my current stressors
in life. I dont minimize what stress does to ones body, by any stretch. What I do realize
is the reactions I have experienced inside of me are exacerbated by this disease. Quite frankly,
that is relieving to me. I am so grateful to know this today. I have been at some very low
places and on more than one occassion believed it best for me to "check in" somewhere for heal-
ing. Today I realize that it is the disease over reacting. The emotional freedom that this
knowledge gives me will actually, I hope, give me a better tool to calm the reactions. When one
is uncertain and points the finger at the self, they then deal with more than one issue. The
issue at hand and the personal attack and responsibiity placed on the self that has no
answer, outlet or potential of correction because it is a lie. A lie to the self. Keeping
one in a viscous cycle with no exit. It is tormenting and only exagerates the current reality.
Now that I know it is not me but the disease over reacting, it is my responsibility to
separate the two. Thus allowing me to calm the reaction inside of me instead of it going over
board.
I have struggled with this immensley (sp?). Shaking from head to toe when I get upset. Feel
ing rage build up inside of me and not knowing where it was coming from. Havig to separate
myself from others in order to calm down all the while this mantra inside of me "what is wrong
with me, what is wrong with me" Pointing that finger back at me, has only made it all worse.
Today, I will say, "It is the disease. YOU are fine. You will get better and this will become
a thing of your past." It is time to start loving the real me inside and fight the
disease!
Cj
Posted by frakktured1 (Member # 13028) on :
very good.
I believe you've got it!
This disease(s) can and often does things to us that unless there is someone close by that knew
you before the disease, someone you trust, you can rely on them, to tell you where and when you have gone off track.
FXD
Posted by humanbeing (Member # 8572) on :
Yes, that is the cruelest part of the illness, the fact that it exacerbates mental illness and then our society denies the microbial part and we are labeled crazy (making us feel crazier)...a vicious cycle indeed.
You are not alone and being aware is a huge step. Now you can talk yourself down with the help of people on this site...hang in there and keep writing...you will be well again hugs, Kim
Posted by CaliforniaLyme (Member # 7136) on :
![[kiss]](graemlins/kissing.gif)
It is time to start loving the real me inside and fight the