How do you keep lyme rages under control when you have a 12 yr old and a 15 year old in the house?
Any suggestions will be highly appreciated
I sort of lost my temper today and am still crying because of it.
HELP
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Dear Brenda,
I too deal with this except I have a 6 and 4 year old.
My children exhibit Lyme rages as part of their herxing. (They both are being treated)
Sometimes their rages ignite mine.
It is (at times) like being dropped off in a war zone.
I try to distance myself physically from my children.
I tell them that Mommy is not in a good place right now
And needs a few minutes to herself to calm down.
It is really hard as our living situation (two rooms and a hallway)
Doesn't give me much room to escape.
Sometimes they just follow me. Every where I go.
Room to room or even outside.
I cry too. It makes them cry.
We talk about Lyme a lot and how sometimes it can make us feel
Really mad at the world. Sometimes it makes us say and do things
That we really don't want to say or do.
I tell them that Mommy loves them so very much and
How sorry I am that I am not in a good place sometimes.
I (think) they get some of it. They have learned to let me distance
Myself for a few minutes more often now.
Good news for me is that as quickly as my Lyme rages hit,
They go away.
I sit down with them. Hold them. Tell them how they are the most
Important people in the world to me and that I am so sorry.
I've learned to recognize my escalating frustration and can usually (not always)
Circumvent by calling my Mom and venting without
Venting to my children.
My Mom, God Bless her, allows me to do this.
She gets it, even when I don't.
I know how you feel. I know that you would never do anything to
Deliberately hurt your children (like me).
Forgive yourself and go on. Talk to your children.
Tell them that this is part of Lyme disease.
An awful part, but that you are trying your very best
To make that part go away by taking your medicine and doing
What the doctor tells you to do.
I know this may not make you feel any better, but you are not alone.
Sending you hugs and kisses and prayers for a better day.
Geneal
Posted by lymie tony z (Member # 5130) on :
Very Very Good advice Geneal.
It's very important to keep talking and reminding kids and spouses that we love them and
can't help what this disease does to our personalities.
This teaser of a disease does'nt always present us as being ill. Although some of the worst of
us do have outward physical signs of sickness/parallysis.
A whole lot of us have, insidiously deceptive symptoms, that unfortunately, only our loved
ones could ever recognize, and unfortunately they become the undeserving, recipients of our manifestations.
So keep talking lovingly toward all you love and respect and keep educating them lest they forget.
zman
Posted by shazdancer (Member # 1436) on :
Hi kb,
Since your kids are teens, I think they can understand a lot of what's going on with you. And they can (in their better moments! ) separate your disagreeing with them from your tone. I also think we do wonders at helping them if we can apologize to them when we are out of line.
Oh, Geneal, you bring back memories! I can recall coming home after a hard day teaching other people's little ones. I would look at my own two and say, "Mommy's on 'time out' for a few minutes," and go to my room. That was good for, maybe, ten minutes! And when they follow you into the bathroom...
This too shall pass,
Shaz
Posted by Aligondo Bruce (Member # 6219) on :
I have a lot of experience with this topic wrt my parents, whom I have exploded at numerous times, also others. Lyme does something to your brain that makes you want to scream obscenities. Usually close family members are the ones who see this behavior, because they are around the patient when he or she is not feeling well. Around others, decorum usually is the rule and you can get away from other people. But you can't get away from your family, they live in the same house.
The key is to communicate to them when you do not feel well. Do it often. Make sure they understand that you do not feel well. But at the same time don't end up screaming at them "I feel like **** goddamit you $&*@% little *******s so don't f-k with me" when they haven't done anything yet.lol.
Try to think what the main stressors are for you - what sets you off that your kids do. Then sit down and talk to them and try to work out a system for avoiding these unpleasant encounters as much as possible. You are sick, and your kids are simply going to have to meet you halfway and adjust, perhaps take on a little more responsibility. People with lyme don't like to be bothered with petty complaints.
It might help to have your kids submit lists to you on a daily or weekly basis and visa versa. What they need, what their schedule is going to be, what your expectations are for them, etc.
If you have a more relaxed household, it might even be possible to talk to your kids at length about how their mom is not feeling well and for whatever reason really enjoys cursing and screaming when something is bothering her. Make sure they understand this is because you are sick and have a sensitive brain.
It sounds like you feel guilty - like me - when you explode. I've flipped out numerous times on my parents. It was worse prior to diagnosis for a lot of reasons. Everyone thought I was crazy, for one, and the stress was that much greater. I even beat my parents. I did a lot of horrible things. I wrote obscenities on the walls of their house. I got in the car and ran over one of their favorite bushes. etc. Things are much better now and I for the most part only occasionally curse. Sometimes it helps to get it all out. Perhaps you could buy a punching babg or a crash dummy or a giant stuffed animal to beat with a baseball bat.
Posted by wiserforit (Member # 9732) on :
Ohhh...I'm well-versed in this.
I have a 6 year old who narrates the world constantly and follows me everywhere, plus a ten year old who taunts the 6 year old. Bickering abounds until I intervene or explode, whichever comes first.
If I rage, I get mad at a stream of consciousness bunch of things that I springboard off of from the main event. In other words, unnecessary stuff. They get quiet; I remove myself and cry in the bathroom until I pull it together better.
Then I come downstairs and gather them for what we have begun to call "The Untying of the Knots." I explain that the Lyme has made me feel rotten and hypersensitive to sounds and less than patient. And I want to apologize for the stuff that i said that wasn't fair, knot by knot. I also want to point out what was fair to call them on.
Most of all I want them to see that I can apologize that day or moment and tell them how much I love them. They like it when I sit on the floor and hold them in each arm while I talk.
It makes me feel a bit better to do this; it makes them feel relieved that mom isn't a lunatic. And I hope it sets a better example of love, apology and fairness.
What I wish was that I never set the example of raging at all...that i never had to see them get "the look" of knowing I'm getting crazy on them. All that in a perfect world... truth be told, we're in a non-perfect world with shades of Lyme.
Guess forgiveness works both ways... we have to forgive ourselves and move on to the next necessity.
Best of luck,
wiserforit
Posted by CaliforniaLyme (Member # 7136) on :
I never had that after Babs treatment BUT when I still had Babs when I got really upset once, I spanked one of my cats and screamed at him (he urinated on my feet when I was asleep at 2 am). I felt REALLY REALLY bad about it afterwards. REALLY bad. I was ranting and raving, spanking him, almost frothing at the mouth with anger and then I went, "Hey, this is mentally disturbed rescue cat, you horrible woman, stop it!" I still feel bad. I HIT that poor little animal, on his behind, 2 or 3 times!!!
When I was on Artemisia being treated for Babs I would get this feeling of unreality like I was on the verge sometimes, a feeling of instability. I think it did that Lariam thing to me, I would feel on the verge of totally losing it. Thank goodness never did! That feeling scared me!!!!
Luckily I kept it together with my child and since Babs treatment I haven't had that problem. But when I still had Babs I once in a while would speak to her sharply, my older daughter, in a real MEAN voice!!! Not very often, maybe 3 times total, but still!!!
And once the Babs was gone I haven't felt on the verge in years and years, ever again actually... Thank goodness!!! Best wishes, Sarah
Posted by kbholley (Member # 12938) on :
I was leaning over my 12 year old son shoulder helping him with his home work, and pointed out that he had put the wrong answer to number one, he got mad and said "What The Freak" in my ear.
I am going through hyper sentivity- where all the noises sound ultra loud or like nails running down a chalk board.
The next thing I knew - I had slapped him in the mouth and face. I have never done anything like that before.
It was like a switch flipped and I lost all control. It was like an out of body thing.
When I relized what was going on I stopped and went to my room and bawled like a baby.
After I came out of my room, I did tell him I was truely sorry.
He said it was okay.
I told him it was not okay for anyone including me to slap him in the face and head area.
And I told him I would never do it again.
He said that he knows that, and then asked me if that is what the doctor called the Lyme Rage?
I told him I think so, and again I told him over and over again how sorry I was and asked him if he could ever forgive me.
He said I already did, and that he knew I wouldn't do it again, because I never did it before this.
I haven't started any abx treatments yet, that should start in Feb. I just hope I can get better.
Because I would rather cut off my right arm than ever hit my kid like that again.
Thank You for all of your support. I don't feel so alone.
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) separate your disagreeing with them from your tone. I also think we do wonders at helping them if we can apologize to them when we are out of line.![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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