LymeNet Flash: i can't do this anymore

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Posted by lisamlj (Member # 24666) on :

i really don't want to do this anymore.

I have never, ever felt so depressed and disconnected before. I seldom smile or laugh anymore. I don't understand why this is happening

I take my fistful of antibiotics everyday. I try hard to take care of my body...eat right (gluten free and all that crap)...get moderate amounts of excercize...

My body feels better yet my mood is horrible. I work as a chaplain in a urban emergency room setting and I am finding it very difficult to deal with patients, their family, even other staff and clergy. I lose my patience all the time and I seldom smile.

Where did the old me go? I want her back. I miss her. Even as I type this tears roll down my cheeks.

Lyme sucks! Bart sucks!

sorry to vent. I've got to head into work...I'm on call and my pager is buzzing. Please pray for me (for courage, health and wisdom)

Posted by Lymeorsomething (Member # 16359) on :

Hang in there, Lisa. If your body feels better, perhaps your mood may not be far behind...

I've been looking for my old self for a good 3 years or so... I may have to put up some flyers [Smile]

Posted by Rumigirl (Member # 15091) on :

It sounds like you urgently need:

to talk to your LLMD about this and how he/she can help, including looking at whether any of your meds could be causing it.

get some therapy/counseling! God knows, all of us need it with what we have to deal with. And, ideally, with a therapist who is either Lyme Literate or at least Lyme/chronic illness sympathetic.

call a hotline number, if need be, since the above may take a little time.

See about getting some help with either supplements that increase neurotransmitters, like Sam-e, 5-HTP, etc. or get on an a med or two to help for now.

But act quickly on all of it, because it's not good to be in such a state for long without help. We all know what it's like. It ain't easy! And given your work, you need even more support, because you are supporting so many in need! Don't neglect you.

Posted by ChristieL (Member # 27786) on :

I am so sorry you are feeling so down.
I had a couple of really, really bad patches and
I too felt I just could not go on.
Thanks to a very special arkie girl, I made it
through.
I am not lyme literate enough to know if these
are lyme symptoms, or just the difficulty of

dealing with a disease that causes so much stress
on our bodies, and so many symptoms.

I am a spiritual counselor and minister, please feel free to pm me if I can be of any help, to
listen or talk, whatever you need.
I know you will get better, try not to give up.

I finally started feeling better, and there were
days when I would rather have just not woke up [Frown]

You are not alone, and you will get through this.

I am praying for you and please contact me anytime.

Posted by brentb (Member # 6899) on :

What are you doing to give those antibiotics a boost? I take MMS, Vitamin C, NAC, and on occasion colloidal silver for the synergistic effects.

Recovery is never fast enough, but if i can do it, anyone can...best of luck.

Edit:Also check the thyroid. Some do great with Iodine supplementation

[ 10-01-2010, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: brentb ]

Posted by nefferdun (Member # 20157) on :

What are you taking for the Bart?

When I took bactrim ds with zithro or biaxin, it greatly reduced those feelings. I felt exactly like you - a zombie. Now I am more motivated and have moments in which I feel alive and happy for no reason. I hope you get some relief.

Posted by Pinelady (Member # 18524) on :

It took me a year to feel a turn in the road.

Don't give up...

Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :

i'm so sorry. We gotta keep going, its so hard when there seems no end in sight. Lately, one minute at a time. I feel dead too, and thats the hardest to take when you are a person full of life and bubbly. Thats what I used to be also. Try and it will come.

Posted by sprite8 (Member # 28259) on :

There were times I was so depressed,many, that I thought suicide was the only way to stop all the frustrations and emotional as well as physical pain that comes with lyme.

I am on meds for depression which helps and talking with others w/lyme helps.

You are not alone .God has a purpose for you even w/lyme and it's limitations.

Isaih 41:10 says,

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am Your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

I hope you believe this passage is for you, and cling to it.

Posted by METALLlC BLUE (Member # 6628) on :

Man, there have been times for me too when I just wanted to end it. It's not uncommon, that's for sure. Then there is the complete apathy. I felt like giving up but wasn't willing to be the cause of my own death. I felt hopeless and helpless.

Things got better for me, but they haven't gotten "good" per se. I'm not suffering acutely anymore. I'm disabled though so that is why I have some level of comfort. I stay home and rest a lot.

The way that I survived was by making a conscious decision to take it to the bitter end even if I never win. I expect to win. I take full responsibility and put my health first. Everything else fell by the wayside. I also cut everything out of my life that was harming me and incorporated things that help, including counseling, antidepressants, mood stablizers, and friendships with people.

A lot of the depression I found didn't come from being sick, but rather came from the disease itself, as a biological effective. Sure I'm depressed and unhappy sometimes about being ill, but the majority was biological.

Either way, if you choose to accept the challenge and are willing to stay the course no matter what the outcome, then the probability increases substantially that you'll find a solution or at least minimally, get better than where you are now.

Posted by back2game (Member # 23927) on :

I'm so, so sorry for your misery. I also looked at my husband's Glock with great temptation on many occasions. Through prayer I pulled myself through. I couldn't leave my loved ones.

I'll pray that you find the strength. Lots of people need you...

Posted by neary.robin (Member # 28058) on :

The only thing I can think of to say to you is fear not, you are not alone!!!!! Really and truly this is a lyme thing and not you as a person. You sound like a very kind and giving person......now you need to find someone who can give to you what you need in spirit!!