You know u were there, but ...
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Posted by nefferdun (Member # 20157) on :
Sounds like bartonella - feeling disconnected. As for memory, mine is out to lunch.
Posted by JC930 (Member # 41519) on :
That is the perfect way to describe it, Putnam. I do not feel connected to my memories. And, at the risk of sounding too "woe-is-me" overly sentimental, I think this contributes to a horrible feeling of a life unfullfilled. Without the rich memories of EVERYTHING you've ever done in life, you tend to feel hollow... just empty.
And now to brighten the mood: Picture puppies playing with kittens. One puppy is a wiener dog running around with a sticky xmas bow stuck to his head.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
I loved mg life. I was fulfilled, fun, spontaneous and now a stranger.
Posted by nefferdun (Member # 20157) on :
That sounds so much like bartonella. It is like the Death Eaters have sucked your soul out. You are just hollow and forgotten even to yourself.
Treatment, treatment, treatment, until you get the right medication. Don't give up.
If one drug is not working, change!!! I did Levaquin, HH2, Cumanda, Clove bud oil - then Rifampin - finally, a year later I discovered what worked for me - Bactrim took it out.
Now I am treating it again. I am a lot better in just a month this time. My anxiety and irritation is gone. My insomnia is much better, my feet and back don't hurt.
I still have memory problems but I am 67. I have hope that I will completely recover. I am close.
Posted by 2roads (Member # 4409) on :
Neff.......never tell a person your age............ LOL, and Hugs.
So glad u r going in the right direction.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
Thanks neff, you've been through enough. Don't understand a lot of the diseases, but menopause is causing insanity, trying yo adjust bioidenticals.
Posted by nefferdun (Member # 20157) on :
2roads - it is astonishing to me that I am this old. When I got Lyme I was only 59 - so young and so long ago.
L in P, Menopause can be really tough. I did not have lyme - I am sure of it. I had horrible headaches, insomnia and pain in my legs. I had to watch my son's baseball games from the car because it hurt to much to sit in the stands, especially if it was cold. It also messed up my memory but I don't remember it causing anxiety.
I hope you get the bioidentical hormones worked out. They helped me a LOT!
Posted by 2doggies (Member # 33118) on :
I needed this thread today. Been dealing with memory and concentration issues for as long as I can remember, even when I "felt" healthy, had a full life, was working out, working full time, going out with friends, etc. Now it's all a blur...things I have learned in school/college, things i learned in my job (database programmer), childhood memories were never really there, I don't even know how I am today. I am also taking Biltricide right now so there is that, but mostly I feel so disconnected not just from myself, but from the world/people. I don't like being around people because they don't understand and they talk about things going on in the world and I don't have the brain capacity to read/watch the news. It's a vicious cycle.
Sorry to vent...
Posted by Brussels (Member # 13480) on :
You won't believe this. Not only memory but taste, smell, ability to enjoy music and life, friends, a good book, all needs HEALTH to be computed in the brain as 'good'.
No health, no energy = not being yourself fully.
Just get on treating. You'll be AMAZED to see what COMES BACK to you together with your health, things you never even realized you lost!!!!
when taste came back to me, fully, it was like sunshine in my whole body. I never enjoyed those fruits as much as then, the juice, the feeling of being part of taste again.
Same as with music. Deep feeling of union with it, finally back, deep emotion. I hadn't realized lyme made me lose it! I just knew it when it came back, and it's with me until today, almost 5 years after I first felt it again.
this life vibration, your connection to your life and consequently to your memory, can only happen fully when you are yourself fully.
No worry, when disease goes away, you come back fully again. At least, it happened to me. When I fall sick for a few days (with a bad cold or candida attack), I somehow remember lyme again, not that bad, but I get the feeling of being not 100% myself, but less.
Posted by lyme in Putnam (Member # 11561) on :
Brussels, I needed this badly. Have Dr. H. next week, want iv back.
Posted by Looking4hope (Member # 43181) on :
2Doggies.....same here. I feel completely disconnected from everything. Everything you mentioned, along with a myriad of physical symptoms!
Posted by supergirl (Member # 26936) on :
I just want to say that for me, rigorous exercise has played a huge part in having better memory function and connection to my life and my surroundings! Sure, I did abx and supplements, but I think working out hard several times per week has played a huge part in detoxing my system! Really has save me! I know a lot of docs advise against too much, but for me, it's been crucial!
love and healing!
Posted by LymeCFIDSMCS (Member # 13573) on :
Wow, glad you posted this. I have had bart since 2004, Lyme and babs since 2007 -- stopped abx and switched to herbs for awhile and I am relapsing in a lot of areas, including this one (I never really got this one back --the feeling of being connected to memories that I used to have).
Every once in awhile I'll have a "memory" dream, and I wake up feeling such incredible relief, because it's so vivid in contrast to my *waking* life and how on a very visceral and hard-to-describe level (not as an idea) I am just not that person any more, the person with some continuous memory state over my lifetime until these new brain symptoms started (and this is definitely a physiological brain symptom for me as well).
I can totally relate to the thing about music (haven't gotten that back yet, but now I can listen to *some* without extreme hyperacusis) -- it just feels like "what's the point" like a lot of things, as it doesn't move me at all, I feel no connection to it as something from my past, it no longer generates real emotion.
Posted by Kudzuslipper (Member # 31915) on :
Wow. I feel like this. I have since my teens. JC930, I feel exactly as you describe. I've always thought that I was just not sentimental. I had a shrink once tell me I repress. That it's not normal not to have memories of traditions from childhood... In my case, we just didn't have any. I was the 4th, 12 years after the last. My mom and dad were done being parents. Well, they say it's healthy to live in the moment. Posted by IMHisda (Member # 6998) on :
Putnum: just want you to know that they are still in there (I think). I have the same problem but after doing HBOT for 8 weeks 2 treatments a day with IV Claforin I could remember things I could not remember for the longest. It's gone now but it was good to know those memories were still in there. That Lyme hadn't eaten them up.
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)