I guess there came a time in all of our lives when we were very worried about what was happening to our bodies.
We would spend hours on end each day trying to make sense of why we were not feeling healthy. "What is wrong with me"?
These are very familiar words to a Lyme Disease Patient. Am I cursed? Whom did I hurt?
So many questions to be asked, very little answers to be found. Suddenly we feel alone on this planet.
No one understands how you feel or why you are sick. They think you are crazy or you use drugs or drink too much.
People expect the highest standard from you at all times, but you cannot perform, as you are far too weak, and suffering beyond what they have ever experienced.
You try to go to work each day, walking along as weights were tied to your legs, while your arms burn with arthritis pain....
Pins and needles make you feel unstable and fear is a close companion these days. These spectors that haunt us dwell within our bodies...
This is not a nightmare that ends with morning nor a bad day that ends with sleep. Those of us who treasure the memories of what sleep once was.
Your relationships are seriously devistated and compromised in ways that break your heart and deprive you of a beautiful and fruitful life.
You seek help from many professionals only to be scoft at and made to feel insane or just not worthy of taking up their preciuos time...
You wonder why you find yourself alone more than ever...You think you will only hold back those you love, so you reside to isolation.
You say to yourself, "I had so many dreams in life, things I wanted to do"
How will I ever achieve my goals now you ask?
You wonder what it is to have a full and active life as you see people living and laughing...
Your motivation and desire is robbed from you.... without a notice, your life has changed!
Is death the only way out? Many times this rolls through your mind, is it better to be gone from this world, and this suffering?
Tears roll down your face as you think of what you would leave behind, and whom...
When you live alone it makes an illness far worse, recovery is slower, there is a more profound need for company...
Ants sound like Elephants on the floor due to the prison of silence, which also is deafening in its own ways...
You need a cure, something from science and medicine that will offer you the relaxation of peace of mind...
You say to yourself that if and when you become well again, that you will be a different person, do more for others, help all ways...
Will You?
Do we forget everything if we are healed? Do we choose to shut the door on that section of our memory?
Block it out! Far too frightening to relive!
Who hears our prayers? Is God listening to our cries of desperation? Will our minds aid in our salvation?
I have found a disease that is shoulder to shoulder with Lyme....Loneliness!
Maybe they are one in the same to some extent?
Remember when you wanted to go on a date, to the mall, over to your family's, out for a bite to eat, but................
Your legs were numb, filled with burning pain, headaches, chest pain, sweats, fevers, chills, pins and needles, arthritis pain, shakes, tremors, spasms, etc....
You felt as here was another days stolen from you, never to be given back...
Why is life passing me by?
I know this much and this I share with all of you, regardless of where your heart and mind, body and soul may be.
We all make choices in this life, some good, some bad, but me make them, that is life....
I made a choice to work with pets in an area infested with ticks of many sorts and other insects....
My love of animals brought me there, my neglect from not wearing proper spray and protection, brought me illness....
Not the dogs and cats, ME! I did it!
I have no regrets for helping the animals that God in his wisdom placed here on earth with me....No regrets at all!
We must give of ourselves in order to blossom and learn, see and teach others, good things to make life better for all....
I am eternally grateful for this website and the many beautiful human beings that visit here to seek help and love, but also, so willingly and selflessly give it as well!
As there is a cure and/or better life ahead for us Lymies, there is also a cure for loneliness....
In our prayers to our creator, (Mine) Jesus Christ, the only way to heaven and peace for me! I understand not everyone agree's, but I just pass it along as we all do with some info or another...
Our families and friends we talk to for support and comfort, hugs and kisses, handshakes and laughs....
Our pets that make us forget our illness for awhile, what a great medicine!
Our family on Lymenet, a true family, one I am honestly in love with!
I am going to beat Lyme Disease!! Then, I am going to be more focused in my life, always being a better man in today, for mankind tomorrow!
Please pray for me as I will for you?
Thanks,
Rob
[ 07. March 2006, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: BostonLyme2005 ]
Posted by cantgiveupyet (Member # 8165) on :
Thanks Rob for posting this. I needed to read this tonite.
During this disease you learn to become your own best friend.
Posted by hiker53 (Member # 6046) on :
AMEN!
Posted by D.J. LYME (Member # 8384) on :
Great one rob, i swear i just had this exact conversation almost word for word an hour ago. thanks for writing this,i too needed to read that out loud to myself and hear that i am not the only one who thinks this way. you really can feel so alone in this fight sometimes.
Posted by 5dana8 (Member # 7935) on :
hey Rovi You really did say in a poetic way how lonely and scared most of us get.
But we are not a lone here . We have each other and we completely understand. Everything you said resonates truth for me.
We love you and will always be there for each other. I feel we are family of sorts that understands and excepts us who we are now-warts and all.
we are all on our journey to wellness. And we can share this togeather. This board and the wonderful people who have infinate patience understand are important to me too.
Just remember you are not alone and it is not hopeless. Although at times it may feel like that.
You will be in my prayers Robi. Hang in there. you will get better. You have an excellent chance.
Blessing dana
[ 03. March 2006, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: 5dana8 ]
Posted by luvs2ride (Member # 8090) on :
You echo my sentiments completely.
Is there a lyme support group in your area?
No one else really does understand.
Posted by Andie333 (Member # 7370) on :
Really powerful and tender post, Rob
Thanks so much for sharing it -- so many feelings I could completely agree wtih!
Andie Posted by BostonLyme2005 (Member # 7680) on :
Thank you everyone! I am just thinking out loud here....Sharing my thoughts.
Posted by nan (Member # 63) on :
How true, how true!
I see a talent for writing here, Rob!
Peace,
Posted by BostonLyme2005 (Member # 7680) on :
Thank You!
I have always liked to write, but never put much effort into it.
Posted by humanbeing (Member # 8572) on :
Much love to you too Rob.
I will never just put this behind me and not look back. This experience has been and will be a defining moment in my life.
It has brought me to my knees with suffering and I feel my humanity growing inside. I will never take for granted a day that is pain free. I will never turn from someone else who is suffering cause I am too self absorbed.
Lyme disease has been a spiritual teacher. When we get through this disease, we will know that we can do anything. I am no longer afraid to die and so I will live more deeply and treasure the smallest joys.
Also, we owe it to each other and this messy illness to help the causes of lyme disease education, diagnosis and treatment. Even if I get to 100%, I will be a lyme warrior--educating, speaking out, writing and consoling...of this new life work, I am certain.
Posted by Ann-OH (Member # 2020) on :
Thanks for this, Rob. You are totally eloquent! Everyone needs your positive belief in oneself and dedication to hope.
Bravo! Ann - OH
Posted by aiden424 (Member # 7633) on :
Wow Rob how incredibly accurate!!
God Bless!!
Kathy
Posted by believe3 (Member # 6216) on :
Hey Rob, This is exactly how I feel. Alone and hopeless more times then not. We will get through this disease..we will and when we do we will be better people for it.
Hang in there.
Posted by bugabooboo (Member # 7383) on :
These things I too have pondered.
Thank-you for writing from your innermost being.
I'm still hanging on to the Hem of His Garment!!!
Bug
Posted by lymeout (Member # 8045) on :
Rob, My minister recently said that it is through the dark seasons of our life that we exercise and strengthen our spiritual muscle and thus move to a higher level of spirituality. You are a perfect example of this! It is through your pain and suffering that such eloquent and soul-reaching thoughts were created and shared. And by sharing it, you lifted each of us up a bit out of our own lonliness and fear. My prayer for you is that someday, your physical health will match your spirit!
Posted by trails (Member # 1620) on :
Well said!
Thank you for posting this. It speaks to me and many others. Did it feel good to get it out? The creative spirit moves you and you can not say no sometimes, but where you get is so much better than where you were.
Posted by santa_pax (Member # 8318) on :
Rob that was beautiful in its honesty and clarity.
You have articulated what so many of us, your peers in this struggle, think and feel. Thank you for that. See how you are not alone!
Prayers and hugs for you,
from santa_pax
Posted by gae (Member # 8633) on :
Rob,
You have described the way I feel most of the time. Have you ever watched a commercial on TV and think is life really out there like that where people do normal things?
The "depression hurts" commercial makes me cry. I see the expression on my kids faces.
I worked so hard to create a good life for my kids....college...working up the corporate ladder...etc. It's gone.
Unless a person has walked in our shoes, they don't understand. I have two teenagers at home and want so much to share life with them.
I hold onto hope that I will find a doctor...that this (darn, just lost the word, imagine that) ummmmm...extreme fatigue would go away.
That I will have the energy to get off of the couch. The pain will go away and I can stop feeling like a pharmaceutical nightmare can go away.
I hope and pray that I can find a doctor and get treatment!!!!!
Keep hoping!
Hugs, Gae
Posted by trueblue (Member # 7348) on :
Thank you, Rob.
I'm not good with words but am great with hugs.
for you... Posted by BostonLyme2005 (Member # 7680) on :
Many hugs to you guys as well!
Posted by achey (Member # 6284) on :
thank you for sharing words and thoughts that are so common to me and I'm sure many others.
Yes of course I will pray for your healing,and all here and all who do not know where to find help or hope.
Posted by BostonLyme2005 (Member # 7680) on :
Your Welcome!
I would like for all to read!
Posted by BostonLyme2005 (Member # 7680) on :
This disease changes your life........
It makes you think of things differently....
You begin to value life and treasures more....
Posted by on :
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