Ok. I am feeling totally defeated. I go through this whenever I herx...feeling like my life isn't worth living.
I feel like I have lost so much, and I have. I try to stay positive, but I just can't. I have so much to be grateful for, but I just can't seem to see all of the great things in my life.
I feel like I can't keep fighting this. Why bother? (No, I'm not suicidal.) I am so scared I won't be able to live a normal teenage life again. Instead of being worried about my parents not finding out about me being at a party, like my friends do, I worry about being able to walk up a flight of stairs without losing my breath.
I just need a little encouragement. I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up. Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Wow, I didn't know you were that young!! I think the very WORST thing about going through treatment were the herxes.
Not so much the pain, etc .. but thinking it would last FOREVER AND EVER.
It always felt like a defeat. A defeat that would END in defeat. Right?
Are you keeping a daily log of meds taken and how you're feeling??
It may help you to see the pattern and see how EVERY SINGLE TIME, you come out "OK."
Hang in there. It's really a rough thing to go through...especially for a teen!
Posted by sammy (Member # 13952) on :
Dear knshore, I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time right now. Would it help if I told you that i've had similar thoughts? I have wanted to give up so many times. Life is hard but i've decided that I want to live it. And I want you to live it too. There is so much that we have not experienced yet.
I was only 21 when I first got sick, had just graduated college, landed a wonderful job, life was looking good. Then I got sick and it all came to a screehing halt. That was 4 years ago.
Over these past 4 years i've tried everything in my power to get well. I've finally found an LLMD and had my first appt 1mo ago. Things are looking up now. I have real hope. I finally have help. It is time to take my life back. It is going to be hard work but i'm ready.
You are already working towards recovery with an LLMD so you are one step ahead of me!
Things that we used to take for granted like being able to climb stairs, walk the mall, stay out late with friends. When we get to do them again we will enjoy it more than anyone else around us.
When I get well I want to go back to school, to get an even better job than the one I had to give up, to date and eventually get married, to have children, to be able to volunteer, to travel, to get old...
You are maybe 16-18? I don't know. What I do know is that you have so much to live for. You want to graduate from high school and then the options are endless. Do you want to go to college and study what? Do you want to find a job and travel where? You will get there! Use this time of healing to dream big. Think about what you really want out of life and start working towards it slowly (it starts now by getting through this herx).
Please knshore, hang in there. You will get through this. You have so much to live for...
Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
I can feel your pain....really.
I am much older than you, but at 17 contracted hepatitis A and lost
My whole senior year. Was sick for about 2 years after.
I was at college then. Couldn't party. Couldn't hang out all hours, etc.
I went through one of my worst herxes a couple of weeks ago.
The "I am dying" kind. I needed some encouragement then.
My wonderful friends here gave me some.
Now I am passing that to you.
I am feeling better now, Much, much better than 2 weeks ago.
You will too.
Hang in there. There are better days, brighter tomorrows and rainbows
Just waiting to be seen. Life is always important.
Just because we don't get there gracefully is a testament to our ability to endure and persevere.
Sending you positive thoughts, prayers and Angels to hold you during these dark days.
![[confused]](graemlins/confused.gif)
![[shake]](graemlins/shake.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)