Day after day slides by Piled up like bones in a graveyard Higher and higher, never getting buried
Sticky, slimy, sweaty days Blurry, foggy, dizzy days They just slip by.
I lie here Like I'm watching a movie Of someone else's life.
When do I get to wake up?
Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring Again, again, and yet again Now the days have twisted somehow into years
Once in a while A day becomes crisp I can breathe the air and hear the sounds But mostly, I lie here
Day after day slips by Until a real tangible chunk of my life has escaped me I cannot reclaim it I cannot get it back
Most insidious of all Are the years of life stolen From my child, who has no mother
No one to play with him, no one to care for him No one to help with homework His life is slipping by Day after day, spent on a computer When he should be outside laughing and playing
Night after night, watching TV Rather than reading or playing a game Year after year, grades sliding down, homework not done
No parent to guide him Week after week, cereal for dinner No one able to cook for him
Steal my life, steal my joy Leave me a shell of my self But you have also stolen someone's childhood
And I can't fix it I try, I try, for years I've tried
Pills and supplements Shots and Ivs Doctor after doctor Still I try
Still I lie here A shell of a person A shadow of a mom A hollow life.
Tracy A. Will October 11, 2008
Posted by Liz D (Member # 16739) on :
I am so sorry..... hugggggggggsssssssss I wish I could help.
Posted by Lymetoo (Member # 743) on :
Wow. That was great, Tracy. Been there .. except I had no children to worry about.
You'll make it. I PROMISE! Posted by Geneal (Member # 10375) on :
Ah Tracy.
So sad....so true....
So beautifully written and shared.
Hang in there my friend.
Sending you Angels to wrap their wings around you and hold you close.
To comfort you in this dark time...
Wish I were there to give you a hug too.
Your children know you love them.
That is the greatest gift you can give them.
Hang in there.
Praying for better days for you soon.
Hugs,
Geneal
Posted by Melodymaker (Member # 16434) on :
No days are truly lost you see For every life's a tapestry That's woven with each thought we make and every path each person takes
There is a purpose for us all And sometimes even when we fall The threads our tapestries then bear Are chances for someone to care
Dear Tracy,
Never lose sight of the fact that of all the gifts we give our kids in life....LOVE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT.
Time is great, help is great, service is great, but LOVE is best.
You may not be able to give all the other gifts right now, but you obviously have a great deal of love to give, or you would not care so deeply about what is missing.
While cooking is great, if you don't want to eat cereal, you can "fudge" with microwave or oven meals. No actual work involved. Much of the microwave stuff is geared for kids to do. Serve on disposable.
Ask your child's teacher for the name of a tutor who can help with homework. We have people at our church who do that with the kids.
Whatever you feel your child is losing through this illness, don't give up!! Fight back with substitution. If you can't find the answers, get help from someone who can.
Perhaps you can reverse the bedtime story idea, and have your child read a book to you. It's time together in love, and that's what's important.
Also, think kindly about yourself. I have learned that this illness and its treatment can leave you very fragile emotionally. Be nice to YOU!
Keeping you in prayer, and wishing you true peace!
Posted by feelfit (Member # 12770) on :
((((Tracy))))
Posted by lymednva (Member # 9098) on :
Well said. I can certainly relate.
But, all is not lost, as others have said. Your children know you love them, and in the end, that is what counts!
From a fellow warrior, whose children have grown and know how much I love them.
Posted by Tracy9 (Member # 7521) on :
Thank you soooooo much everyone, it really helps.
Of late, my 13 year old has been quite depressed, and it is very upsetting to me. He was always a very happy child. Now we need to figure out counseling and medication, which is daunting when I can't drive and don't go anywhere.
He has been writing things in school that are heartbreaking about depression and his life. We were called in last week about it.
I know he wouldn't feel this way if we weren't so sick. He is just a casualty of all this.
My older son, who is also a lymie, has been on antidepressants since 7th grade. Just so disheartening.
My 13 year old spent several hours just crying for no reason the other night. He is in this place where nothing makes him happy, he is argumentative, cries at the drop of a hat, won't engage in any activities with me. I even broke down and offered to let him hook up his Playstation in my bedroom and said I'd play with him, which I have NEVER done before!
He said, "I have no good games." He has at least 25 games. I recognize that depression in him, where nothing seems right.
Posted by aklnwlf (Member # 5960) on :
![[group hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)